Krizko

Well it's been a while.

2012-01-21T05:22:00.002-10:00

Here I am again.
Like Humpty Dumpty here I am. Not sitting but balancing on my bottom on a paper thin wall.
Rocking back and forth, I fear falling, to the bad side. Though there's always hope that I can lean forward and fall into the bed of good instead.
I became an egg; silent with a protective layer securing my insides.
Whenever I feel overwhelmed with emotions, I always seem to turn into this and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I become numb with feelings and thoughts, that I turn into a completely different creature.
And it's amazing how this egg metaphor fits what I go through every time I experience this situation all over again. Or whenever we both go through this of course.

A mentor once told me that the most phenomenal artists in the world are also the craziest. That creative people feel more stronger and deeper when it comes to experiencing emotions. It explains why the one of the best artworks ever made, were created when the artist was feeling very depressed. (or feeling passionate about another emotion.)
I get to a point where I over think so quickly that by the time I catch myself, I'm already drowning in spider webs and spider webs of recycling thoughts. And If these thoughts are too quick or slimy to grip on, I end up putting this shield over myself, and I become this egg.
I become quiet and speechless as I am swaying back and forth in a repetitive rhythm.
And it's like I don't know what side is what until I actually fall over. There's that dark unforgiving side where I feel that I am not good enough, that I should end your misery, because I feel like I've done enough, that I only fuck things up, and that you deserve so much more that what I can offer. I hate that side so much, I end up thinking of any insecurity I can come up with, and I snowball, I grow into this unbearable heap of hate for myself that I don't want to hurt anyone with it. I hate it. It makes me want to punish myself. And I hate it because I know it can't be in a visual way that will hurt others as well. I realize that I have to quietly hurt myself in my head, and I hate that too. I end up thinking of all the people that are less fortunate, that may be going through worse times, that may have bigger things to question about, and it makes me feel selfish, and greedy and then I hate myself even more. I hate myself more when I think of all the cruel people this world has to offer, and all the cruel horrific things that were done. And that I may be one of them. And before I even start, I hate again, thinking about how hopeless I must be that I let hate itself swallow me so much during this cycle that I forget that in my right mind I always try to strongly believe that no one is ugly, and that there's always room for change or hope in people especially if they willingly hope for it too, and that alone is beautiful. And I start to hate again, thinking how ugly my thoughts are at the very moment, and how hopeless and pitiful I was becoming with myself. I am reminded of all the few times I feel annoyance towards certain others and how hypocritical it makes me feel. I hate that. I start to think about how far down I already am falling, and that I cringe at the thought of all the times I could have just stopped and turned around, and actually tried fixing things for once. It makes me think of all the strong people I know, and other strong others that could probably succeed in what I couldn't do last night. That so many others are lonely, desperately searching for love. The heartbroken, and hopeless romantics.That they deserve you more. And again, this makes me hate myself when I am reminded that the only person you deserve more from, is me. And that it's completely horrible for me to even I think these things in the first place. To think so low of us, or you, that I have to put us down, and put others between us. And I hate that it's the one thing I tried to avoid, and never meant to do. At all. And I start to feel so stupid. I think so high of others, and hate myself for all the wrongs I repeated. And then again, I start hating. I hate. I hate. hate. hate. hate so much, that I feel the rage in my emotions just explaining this whole process, and it's really fucking funny because I am actually a bit scared that this might just push me over again. But no. Not fucking right now because tonight it already happened. This type of hate is the worst kind because it's silent. Falling into a silent hate for yourself because you don't want anyone to pity you, and worry for you. And it's really sad. It's scary too. It makes you feel so lonely when you push everyone away to be alone in your hurtful thoughts. Which is really fucking silly because the reason why you are pushing is so that you don't cause hurt and worry, when really, you are hurting yourself, and the only thing people can do is watch you.
It's bad enough that they know you are suffering, but to be pushed away and not know what exactly what you are thinking, and not have a fucking clue of how you can be helped, having no fucking idea what thoughts I may be thinking, and how it may be eating me from in the inside. The time is constantly ticking away, and you know I am getting worse. And after doing your all, to be pushed away, with nothing else to do but wait and watch. - that must be scary. And I hate myself realizing this so late. And I'm sorry. I am so incredibly sorry. I'm sorry I put you through this, and that my thoughts are outrageously crazy to the point that sometimes I can't control them. And that sometimes they are too much. So much that it overwhelms me, and I get quiet. I'm so sorry. I don't mean for things to end this way, especially since it's so repetitive. These words alone can't explain my whole thought process because if I did, I'm afraid you might become lost too. That your mind will take this, and go through the same thing if I explained it in so much detail, that you can see yourself living it. Besides the fact that I can keep going , I am also afraid at this point that my mind might actually be concreting this process into my head, and that it might never escape.. I just feel that I need to let it out somehow, because I'm also afraid that if I cannot explain this myself, that this whole thing might actually absorb into my brain and never leave. The mind is one powerful monster, so I shouldn't even be explaining how complex my thought processes may be. Because my mind might actually believe it, and take it to another level. I don't know.

I just read over everything I quickly typed out just now, no stops, just unplugging my mind and draining it all out. And its weird. Sort of relieving but still scary. I become this egg that sways from what's considered good and bad in my head, and that wall is an annoying divider with questions written all over it. Whether or not I should feel what, if it's right of me to feel something, comparing thoughts, and then trying to view from so much different eyes. When I am pushed over, I crack into pieces. And you're like the hen because you love me, and when those pieces scatter below you, you see mirrors of yourself, or us, that we seem broken. With yolk oozing and weaving those clouded mirrors , those are mixed feelings. Almost like scrambled eggs, but no one likes egg shells in that shit.

Or at least I don't..
I just hope you know that every time this happens, I learn a bit more about what's going on. And I hope that when I have a greater idea of how my mind works, that maybe I'll be able to control it better. I want you to know that when the day comes where I am finally in control of how my mind works, that we'll look back at all the hard times we had and realize how worth it was. I'll do my best everyday to make this work out for us. And in the end I promise you that everything from there on will go "eggs"actly as we want it to. (see what I did there)

L O L <3

I love you.

~~*~~~**~~~*~**~*~

2010-11-26T06:21:00.002-10:00

What are you doing?
I don't know.
Krystle you're stupid.
I know.
go to bed its 6 in the morning.
I can't

Have you ever felt that you weren't doing anything right? Or so disgusted with yourself that you wanted to stay away from special people because you feel that you are doing them a favor? That they don't deserve your bullshit? Have you ever felt confused and so wrong that you spend hours thinking of ways to fix yourself? And when you try to think of those solutions you start to cower inside, and realize how incredibly sad it is when you realize what your doing. And you don't know what to do with it. You don't know what to do with yourself. You don't know what to think anymore. You don't know what is right. Or what is wrong. Because everything you do isn't right. and what you think is "right" ends up wrong. I feel like a cat chasing my own tail, when I finally catch it, I end hurting myself anyway, or ruining my own fun. And if I continue to chase after my tail, I'll be wrong for not being able to get to it. what the fuck am I talking about, oh look the garbage man is up early. getting our garbage.. It's been a while since I've heard the garbage truck swoop by. I have that urge to go run up the window and watch him collect our garbage like I use to do when I was a kiddy... what the fuck am I doing
go to sleep

ok.

...
fucking dumb bitch you forgot to put your food leftovers in the fridge and now there's cockroaches dancing on foil in your room how are you suppose to sleep now

I don't know
yeah go to bed
ok I'll try

STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF
STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF
STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF
STOP TALKING TO YOUR SELF
STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF

I'll try.

update

2010-10-30T02:28:00.002-10:00

Just some recent doodles...
[Click images to enlarge!]

This one's called "Oh, I'm fucked." I did this before class since I get to school too early.. I create the most sexiest characters ever. These characters are Zulu and Sulu. Oh, and girl. She doesn't need a name. heh.

This is continued from the last doodle, and was done the day after.. This is Sulu and girl again, and yes, he is looking under her skirt. And yes, indeed those are balls hanging from the flower she is grinning at.

droolin

some scans from mini sketchbooky!.. I hate drawing hands :(

my swirly cat

another drooling sparkly creature... Lately my paintings/drawings have been really rainbowy !

Saving those fishcake "kamobako" wood blocks to draw on! (Oh, all that late night ramen.. they serve a purpose now!)

It's name is "Bowbowl" which is "rainbow and bowlcut sorta put together" heh. Done with prismacolors!

I forgot we had a scanner at home! So I'm pretty excited for it. I'll be scanning lots of stuffs soon!

I always keep a camera next to my pillow ~~just incase a rapist comes I could take a picture of him~~ and the other night I woke up because the MOON WAS SO BRIGHT LOL

I tried taking a cool picture of pouring cereal into my mouth, but it fell all over my face and into my nostrils instead

Experimented with inks and watercolor.. blew it around with straws, and splattered some paint! I didn't know what to do with it so I tried to figure out how I could transform it into a face of some sort and this is how it went!

TADAH

Playing with a cat toy

2010-10-14T11:37:00.140-10:00

It was like playing with a plastic vegetable.
A Cat toy figure with adjustable movable joints.
It squeaked as I rubbed my bare thumbs over its sleek hard skin, and down the nape of its neck.
There was no texture, no artificial fur, no velveteen; it was fake.

Swiveling its arms into inhumane positions, I was doing nothing wrong here.
Was I?
It wasn't alive. It was not moving or breathing and so I continued twisting and turning its arms and hind legs.

Everyone has done something similar to this.
Like spinning a doll's head around and back just because we could.
Or trying to pull joints as far back as the toy could take before popping out.

And so I continued to toy with a toy that only started getting warmer.
Was it the warmth from my hands..?
It didn't stop me though.
The object was no longer stiff, but mold-able and stretchy,
I curiously set it on its back and fixed my eyes onto it's stomach.

There was now a layer of short haired fur, and before I could pick it up,
It inhaled, and wheezed.
Horrified, I picked up the limp twisted body of my cat.

....

This was a dream I had a few months ago and I still can't forget it.
I don't play with toys this way anymore because a little part of me is afraid that it may be alive. Or that it at least possesses a soul.

I always considered anything and everything somewhat alive.
Whether it's a potted plant, or a foreign object.
I still believe today that the reason why my father's yard is so green is not because of his good labor care and hard work, but because of all the positive attention that was given to the plants. (just kidding, I think)
When I was a kid, I would sing to my "garden friends"
I would skip around complimenting a flower on how beautiful it's petals are turning out..
I use to sit alone in the garden, and I'd tell them about my day.
How are you? I would ask,
I would cheer up and rub patches of "brown" in the grass too.

My dream also made me think about evil and youth.
Kids are given toys and there's always a select few that yank heads and limbs out of their sockets, cutting nearly all of the hair off a doll, melting with a magnifying glass, ( that you probably got from a bookstore's detective/CIA/SPY kit...) or even trying to scratch the paint out of the eyes.
(I know I did these things)
It's not like we meant to hurt.
just curious, that's all.

right?

Anyways what made me to think about this was my reaction after watching students from my class building's balcony. There was one of those short looking guys with the disproportionate huge shoulders.. I always thought they looked like walking Rottweilers.. (hehe) He was swearing and yelling and then punched a nearby wilting bush. Later he cursed in frustration because the bush had cut his hand.
I smiled.

....

..........

....

..

.

And then I walked to the computer lab to type out this blog you are reading now.~~
toodles noodles

You.

2010-09-22T15:17:00.004-10:00

3:18 pm
_______________________________

Here I am in the school computer lab, typing up a blog, glancing at strangers faces and observing other students lit screens. I see a blonde kid on Facebook, texting away on his mobile device and quickly glancing at the lab's assistants whether they are watching him..
I see a girl scrolling down brightly colored pages, probably doing some online window shopping..
And another actually typing up an essay for once, but maybe having a writer's block because she hasn't gotten past one paragraph for the past 10 - 20 minutes.

I'm a creeper I know.

I just finished a good amount of homework for this week so I felt I deserved a little break. I have a variety of tabs open, the school website, Pandora Radio, Google research on textiles (I click this when a person walks by) and Blogger!
My laptop is still being repaired, and I missed blogging so here I am. Scanning through my posts, I felt a stronger need to update and get feelings/thoughts out.

Since school has started, I've been going through a different change, and it's been taking me a while to adjust to - I think I'm finally starting to get comfortable.
Having new responsibilities and plans , I'm also becoming social again.
I'm still sticking with my new rule when it comes to people-
Everyone gets my respect/kindness unless they intentionally want to hurt me. You can have a bad reputation, or you could be the wealthiest/poorest man alive and you will still have my respect and kindness. Your religion, beliefs, goals, and interests can be completely different from mine, but you still have my respect and kindness. You don't need to earn it.

Trust is a different story though.

Anyways...... .. . . .
Lately I've been thinking back and since I met Ulyber *giggle*
My morals has changed so much.
It still amazes me when I think about how much he's helped me.
I'm not sure if it's the "being in love" feeling that's making me this way, but the majority of things I've been doing is because of him.
The way he can re-adjust what's right and wrong in my head, he makes me see things I never thought I could even believe. There are things I never thought I could stay away from, or habits I thought I couldn't rid. My creativity and inspiration feels unbearable and feels unstoppable because he's the source of it all. It's because I know I'll be with him forever. I thought I had a a good sense of creativity a long time ago, but this time I feel like discovering new techniques, experimenting with new mediums, I feel so inventive, and it excites me. I could keep rambling on about how amazing and extremely lucky/thankful I am to have someone like him to make me feel this way, but you probably wouldn't understand it. I can read over this paragraph and get excited just by reading the text alone.

I feel like I've said something like this in old posts... but....
I'm hungry, it's getting cold in here and I have a redondos musibi waiting in my bag for me.

Be back later!

Charcoal, pizza boxes, needles, and sequins

2010-08-15T07:06:00.006-10:00

7:06 am
_______________________

Hi! And good morning~
I know, I know, It's been another whole week again, I was up since 6ish today and I felt like updating on things. A couple of you say you miss my blogs, and posts.. I'm sorry.
College is starting in about a week now, but I'll try my best!

This past week has been pretty productive, here are a couple of things I've been working on:

[CLICK TO ENLARGE]

-Pizza box charcoal portraits!
I think I discovered my new favorite drawing medium... It's been a long time since I've touched charcoal, and I never thought I'd be able to pick it up so quick, its really exciting for me. ** These pizza boxes are from my brother's birthday party.
And again with the hair.. my favorite part is always the hair, It's the fun part.
I have a huge idea stirring within me, for the upcoming projects. .. .. . . .. .

Also, I am extremely excited for my Prismacolor charcoal set to come in! !!@#!
I'm not sure if the buyer wants to be revealed, but THANK YOU SO MUCH for the "early birthday" gift. I love you. so much.<3

v [Click to enlarge]

Other than art, I've been doing a lot of fabric manipulation.. Gathering and creating ruffle pieces that I turned into cute little hairclips/keychains..
I also scored a good deal on a bunch of fabric, including Mickey Mouse ones I'm really excited working with!

This particular hair clip though is really special to me because it was out of pure experimentation, and it took me about 2-3 hours sewing those tiny sequins and beads, LOL. It took a while but it was really fun to do! I like the clustered detailed look.. like the same way you do decoden!~
What's also pretty cool is that I made a cute ruffle hair clip that could also be a key chain. If you enlarge the photo, you can see that I made a little secret pocket you could tuck the key chain ring into when you're using it as a hair clip~
muahahahahahah
ok brb

August four

2010-08-04T08:52:00.009-10:00

8:54 am
___________________
Sorry about being gone for so long.
I've been so love drunk happy since Ulyber has left (I still am) and I've been concentrating on other things, I hope you guys don't forget about me ;___;
School starts on the 23rd for me, and I know this is really late but I've been busy trying to brush up on art skills/ improve myself.
I'll try my best to update as much, but my highest priority is school so....

I've been doing sketches/doodles here and there.. and I've sewn a lot of little tiny projects that I probably might turn into hair clips or key chains.. Maybe I'll post pictures soon?

I think I've gotten so use to using a sewing machine that my hand sewing skills has gotten so rusty.. I feel like I have abandoned my hands. I've been sewing little gathered ribbon flowers, and manipulated yards of fabric with just a needle and thread! As the hours blink by, I have sewn on shiny seed beads and sequins so much that my fingers felt like it has a mind of it's own. Like a spider's legs creating it's web. Repetitively pinching, gathering, pulling, and threading, it felt like a routine, that I couldn't stop. I really like that feeling of doing the same thing over and over until I master it. Or until I can't do it any more quicker and perfectly as the last. I love sewing on beads and sequins for hours during my free time, I love the detail. I even noticed how anal *giggle* I get when it comes to finishing a project and making sure everything is tightly knotted and fit.
I have a huge fear of things breaking or falling apart when it comes to things I'm making.. and I try my absolute best to seal, protect, and/or preserve any piece of art or work!

Also, enough about what I've been doing, a whole lot happened while I was gone! It truly is funny how life works. It's been almost a year now since my life has reached a huge turning point. Karma does work it's magic, things do happen for a reason, and what really matters is what you make of it. I still remember the night that changed my life. I remember making promises to myself that I'd never want to get close to a person ever again because I was afraid of hurting them. I remember saying that I didn't want to be in a serious relationship, and most especially I cannot forget those months I disappeared from everyone. Those lonely depressing months I hid in a shell, isolating myself from the outside world for so long that I forgot how to socialize without feeling afraid. I told myself that I was going to change and improve myself. I wanted to be happy- I wanted to do it alone.
But, I never would of thought I'd be this happy.

You guy's might be pretty sick of all my lovey dovey posts by now, but I can't stress enough how completely thankful and lucky I feel being with him. He completely changed my perception of affection and how to passionately love a person . Sounds a bit corny, I know but hey. For years now, I always had a set mind that I could never feel even a slight feeling of passion in physical actions, even if it were just a peck on the cheek, or a breath at my earlobe. It's not kindergarten naive feelings anymore.
These gentle kisses at my neck, and ears don't only feel good because it's a sensitive area on your body. They send chills down my spine- but that's just the sweet beginning. One touch becomes a manifestation of raw emotion and thoughts. Thoughts of every possible chance of you being near that part of me again. I can imagine every breath flash forwarding in a line of related of events, reminding me of the next time you'll be taking another breath, whether it's out of exhaustion, fear, or pleasure, and it makes me want to be there every single time.
..

sigh.

......

.....

I'm going to leave this here.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

August first

2010-08-01T12:07:00.002-10:00

6:35 pm
___________________

It's been awhile.

everything I do

2010-07-13T17:17:00.002-10:00

reminds me of you.

5:18 pm
_________________________________________________________
The grass green and cool, like the still air. It's time to bring the laundry up again and as soon as I got to that familiar spot I set the basket down and sat. Looking around to make sure I was in the same exact place we both were just a few days ago. I even wondered if the rain and the sprinklers may have washed any left bit of you away, I ran my fingers on that spot and cussed "shit."
I didn't think It'd be this hard.
Yeah those 6 months seemed pretty easy to go through, but now that we've gotten to the point of physically seeing each other, I now have reached a whole different level of missing you. I know what your hands feel like against mine, or how my head fits on your shoulder and more.
What sucks even more is that all of these memories were created here. On Maui. Where I'll be staying on until I can get there. Being in my own room reminds me of you. I can't ever make Spam musibi's again and not think of you. DRINKING COKE, MY FAVORITE SODA REMINDS ME OF US. Playing with the kittens, taking the bus, walking through the mall, looking at my thumb infection/blister- I can keep going.
Remember Front Street?
I could say this was one of the most memorable times I've ever had with you. Getting shave ice, and looking through galleries. I have never ever had a guy that's be interested in art or even be inspired as much as I was. Someone who reassured me that he'd do anything in the world to help me with my dreams and aspirations. And someone who was getting excited just as much as I was when we were talking about our future.
This really was the best week ever. Going wherever the wind took us. Then somehow having everyday turn out perfect. I love how you never did get impatient with me, or annoyed at the fact of how distracted I get, how curious I was, or all over the place I was being. I was just being me, and you had no problem with it. You happily went along with it because you wanted to, too. I feel completely comfortable with you and I love it so much.
I think I only have one thing left to do!
I am going to go up to Front Street alone and I'm going to visit our tree carving, get some shave ice, and finish gallery viewing. I know it sounds like a bad idea, but I need to realize that you're not here anymore. I want this to motivate me even more so I can work as hard as I can for us. Since you left I've been missing you horribly. I've been trying to force my self to go to sleep all day so that I could escape the feelings. Now I just feel too tired to even sleep. I feel like I need to do this to wake myself up again and get out of this lovesick state as quick as I can. I want to rise those happy excited feelings I had the whole time I was with you.
brb! gonna edit this later!**

clouds and stars

2010-06-07T01:31:00.004-10:00

12:21 am
hi
I'm back! I moved my laptop again.
I don't know why but I found myself walking outside.
I left my room door slightly closed and I went out my back door.
No lights, the door shut (or so I thought) and I was barefoot too.
I'm wearing only a cotton tank and baby pink silk shorts, I leaned against my door frame and I couldn't control myself from shaking,I was damn cold.
It wasn't bad though, it's an all over body reaction and most of the time I really like it. The fun part is controlling that cold feeling by thinking "warm" thoughts.

everything we feel is all in our brain you know. Whether it be pressure, warmth or cold on your skin. Your attitude about it, what you expect from it, reflecting past pain experiences... If you can rethink and alter what pain feels like , then you can control how you suffer from it.I think the same goes for emotional pain too.

.....

"Hi kitties"
They were watching me this whole time and even started rubbing their bodies at my calves at this point,

It made me shiver more.

Looking out at the sky, I continued to walk forward and stood in front of the porch railing with my arms at my hips.
I would rest my elbows at the wooden rail,
but tonight the morning dew wanted to watch the stars too.

I observed the stars and my surroundings. The light casting from my room and onto the lawn, I looked back at my window and the warm glow insisted that I should get back in. I stayed a little longer and just store at the sky.

...

What if every star in the sky was an idea and every time a star died, it was because someone discovered it? I'm going to pretend that from now on. The sky will always be here. I'll also pretend that clouds are thoughts, and your memory. Just anything we have all seen. They are inspiring and pretty but they come and go. Those memories you have- it's like an ongoing steady slide show. Or a rotating gallery of your life.
Stars are hidden during the day, but we know they're still there. We need to keep searching for them.
We just can't quite find them very well with all the thoughts and memories you always carry with you. That's why the stars are so amazing. It's so simple and mysterious. When everything else around you turns black you can only see the bright in the sky. And you want it. I want it.

...

The cold air blew at the hairs of my face, I held myself. My arms are tiny and my hands were already cold but I wasn't shaking anymore.
The back door creaked.
My heart froze and I turned around only to see the door behind me wide open now, it scared me and I stepped back in and locked the door.
I walked into my room and opened my laptop/

hi.

giggle

2010-06-06T08:34:00.008-10:00

8:34 am
*yawn*
I went to bed around 3am again, It's been so hard for me to go to bed early, I need to quit this bad habit. What's even more odd is that I woke up around 6 in the morning, rolled around in bed and _____________ with you then I sat up when you fell back asleep.

My back bent, I slouched and turned my head at my blurred mirror.
I quickly hopped up from bed to head straight to the bathroom. -
Shit I forgot to wash my face last night. Krystle, you want to look your best, there is only a month left till he's here.
I saw my dirty face.
I brought you with me, put you on speaker and layed you on this ceramic sink frame so I could continue my morning routine.
Water pouring on my hands, I was racing the flow of water, and how quick they fell between my fingers, or overflowed my cupped palms.
I hate to waste.
I splashed my face and looked back up at the mirror, Pausing only to see my raccoon eyes staring back at me.
One pump of cleanser I rubbed my hands together to form a loose foam and I cleaned my face, concentrating around the rim of my eyes.

That damn waterproof eyeliner.

It does look kinda pretty this way.

I squeezed a tube of toothpaste onto my tool and ducked my head downwards to the fossit. Without touching the steel I allowed my mouth to fill with water,
swished streams around my mouth, the bristles were scraping away last nights sushi, and the sugar from the cereal I ate before going to bed, It was that daily fill for my belly so I can fall asleep easier.
My mouth was minty/fresh but my throat was still dry, I was thirsty!

______________ dehydrates you, you know.

I picked you up and left you in my room to charge and I went to the kitchen to find something to drink.
No to orange juice, no to soda, Ah, watermelon'!
LOL
I cut myself a thick slice of watermelon and-
brb, need to pee and I'm really hungry.
I know I haven't been updating much, and I haven't been posting my little descriptive stories of these little events I have.. So here you go.
I'll continue this later!~

june!

2010-06-02T00:50:00.005-10:00

2:00 am

Wow I think I'll be hoarding my photos this way now! It's much more easier than individually uploading each photo, and on the plus side, you guys get more pics!
The first few photos are just pictures of Ink sleeping on my bed..
Doesn't she look like a gremlin in the right column third down?
Lately the weather here in Hawaii has been so hot and humid..
This weather makes me feel so irritable and sticky, I hate it so much.
I feel bad for my brother, I have been raging on him so much. Thankfully, we have an ice cream truck that comes by every weekday!
Which means..... ... . . . . .. .
A LOT OF SHAVE ICE AND ICE CREAMMMM YEAaaAAAaaAAAaaAAhhhHHHhhhhHH*!
(ulyber knows how I say this) LOL!
I also went to Wal mart the other night and bought a pack of cute cotton undies. Stupid me, did not pay any attention to the tiny "size Large" sticker on the top right of the package. I was too busy looking for a pack with cute designs/colors I grabbed one without thinking twice.
I even tried one on and since I have the body of a twelve year old azn boy, my tiny tooshie cannot fit it :[ It's like barely hanging on!
I'll be giving out the extra few to a couple of friends LOL I hope they like it ;]
Since I haven't touched my sewing machine for a long time, I decided to "resize" one of the panties for myself... And since it's Ulyber and I's half year mark, I decided to sew on a fat letter "U" for Ulyber! LOLOLOL
I bugged him this morning around 4 am when I finished it just so I could show it to him. His reaction was priceless.

Not to mention he also "returned the favor" (giggle/) and made another song for me! I wuv it.
" our presents for each other, On our half-versary:
Custom panties and a rap song ."
LOLOL.

I made a mini felt donut too! It was Donut day/Oscar the grouch's birthday roday. :D
It's made from ecofelt,sequins,beads,rhinestones, polyester cotton,and a ribbon for its removable bow- It turned out pretty cute for something I quickly put together in less than an hour! enjoy.
*btw I hope my pantie pictures aren't too provocative or "slutty" : O
Just pretend I'm wearing a bikini! LOL*

high chair

2010-05-26T23:54:00.019-10:00

11:56 pm

Hi : D
I am really happy.
I'm sorry about the past emotional/dramatic posts lately : /
Well, What has Krizko been up to?!
My Brother Bear Kevin came back to Maui for a week to visit, that's what!
He took me out a few times- Thank you Kevin*.
He brought me up to Kihei to eat some delicious Thai curry, I forgot what the restaurant was called, but good lord it was yummy. I ate this coconut creamy curry with chicken, carrots, sweet potatoes, broccoli, and other vegetables/herbs with a side of warm jasmine rice! I found it cute/ funny how he got me a fork instead of chopsticks with out asking me. I don't know how to use chopsticks and I hold my utensils like a shovel : D Here's a photo of it!

*Also, heres a photo of the most tastiest pizza I've ever eaten.
Kevin took me to Paia for this piece of heaven.

We caught up, and then headed to the Shops of Wailea to go window shopping and kill time before we head back to his place for some kind of get together I ended up not going to! hehehe .... It was going to be too late : /
I went to the ABC store to see if they sold this Shea body butter- THEY DID!!
It makes my skin feel so soft and glowy.. I'll post a picture of it later*

While Kevin was playing with tourist souvenirs, (like slipper fly swatters or shark chomper toys) I was fascinated by all the pretty Hawaiian jewelery! Including other touristy merchandise.. It was so odd of me.
I feel like I've stayed home for so long, and away from the people/places here that now I may be attracted to all this touristy stuff. Or just things people normally won't find special.
I think it's pretty cool. I feel that I am no longer influenced by things you usually would see around. It's like starting with a blank canvas; a clean slate.
My creativity, imagination, inventiveness; my vision is fresh. It excites me so much.
Somehow tonight, I feel like I finally woke up. Sure I've said that I felt inspired a few times back, but tonight- It's different. When nights like this get quiet, and everyone is asleep, the majority of the time, I get extremely sad or depressed.
But tonight, I feel so refreshed.
I think it's this new chair.
..
As I type out this post, I have my laptop on a stack of books. My dad changed my old dirty chair to a new one! I was pretty happy about it because I had old period blood stains on them LOL
Anyways, this chair is pretty high up. And it just changes the whole look of my room to me. I'm like a cat on the top of a bookshelf. This little boost up makes me feel as if I have an advantage, of planning things.. plotting things.. everything!
It spins around too so that's fun.
:D
Oh and heres another update! My renters moved out! That means I can be as loud as I can when I mastur- lololololol just kidding ; ]
But seriously, I was a teeny bit happy until my dad told me I had to clean the studio.
Le sigh. We were pretty surprised that there were no punched walls, or anything broken considering how much they fought.. They cleaned it up very well, and even bought a lei to leave on the doorknob as a "thankyou" too! That was very kind.
Even though the studio seemed clean, it was not clean enough for my dad's standards so he left me in charge of it. Every single inch of the tiles had to be spotless. He wanted me to scrub the grout in the tiles until they were white, and just pretty much clorox/Comet clean everything. I thought it's be easy squeezy too, but I was wrong. Especially with my cats walking in leaving their dirty paws all over the place, LOL
They kept me company though. And the boyfriend was on speakerphone too so it was fine, : D I did almost panic when I witnessed ink licking some comet dust off the tiles. She threw it up later lololol
My arms feel so fit now too , and my hands/feet/knees still smell like bleach!
Pictures!

you can see the lei, my phone charger, I just wanted to take a picture of this huge circle mirror as a inside joke to a special someone ;]

And these are just pictures of the teeny cute studio room we have open for rent now!
I fell face first and literally ate the bed trying to push it around so I could clean the tiles underneath it- That day I wished I had someone to help me move furniture around.. My cats weren't helpful at all! They just used me for the free ride :[
Someday I want a cute little apartment with my hunnie bunnie! This studio has a stove/fridge/ queen bed/ walk in closet/ bathroom/ electricty, water, and internet include for $775 a month! Along with 9+ outdoor cats, and most importantly me living right above you, LOL
You also get to spy on me on Mondays and Tuesdays because that's when I go ou to the garden to hang/fetch the laundry, rofl
And your windows are in full view of that.
Here is a picture of comet dripping down the bottoms of my knees because I thought it looked cool. I was on my knees cleaning okay : [

Also since summer is here, fruits are here!
We have boxes of watermelon and mangoes from my dad's company and all I've been eating for the past 2 weeks are Chimmychongas, watermelon, and mangoes LOL
AND LOOK MY WATERMELON IS SMILING (btw thats a strawberry banana smoothie I made when I woke up with a random craving for something cold/thick/ and fruity. ; ] I originally just wanted a slushie, but this was created instead!)

Hi.

2010-05-21T01:35:00.003-10:00

1:36 am

Hey.

I just got myself together.
....
Rhythmical sharp taps on my glass window, I held my breath and turned my head.
My window was partly open so my blinds were gently swaying like a wave.
My heart even beat faster the longer I looked at them.
My window screen is still broken so anyone can stick their arm into my window, or even climb right in.
I was locked out of the house the other night, so I used that way to enter, and since then I haven't fixed it. I got nervous. I started to panic.
Then I got angry.
I learned that you don't feel so afraid when you become angry, so that's what I did. Adrenaline zooming through my veins, I gripped my fists and headed to my closet to grab my bat- but I paused.
I heard something!
I looked into the dirty speckled mirror and I saw my phone sitting on my bed sheets.
You were on the phone, making noises, and somehow I calmed down and felt better. I shut my window and locked it.
I crawled to the corner of my bed, and curled into a ball with you under my cheek.

...
You know, even though you're on the phone, it feels like you're here with me.
When I lay my cheek on the phone, I can feel the warmth...
And when I have you on speaker, I put you on full blast, so when you breathe, I can feel it. I can feel it on the hairs of my face.
It's so comforting; It's soothing.

It's 2:08 am now, so I'll be waking you up soon! It's one of my favorite things to do! It's a busy day for you tomorrow, as for me? I just need to clean the house spotless again..
Also, I keep watching this one specific cockroach that's walking around my desk. It's the same bug that's been roaming around my room, I know so because he's the only one thats not afraid of me.
Casually, It returns back to my soda condensation ring to suckle at, or it walks toward my elbow and just waits there.. I always wonder whether it's just testing me.. I just like to watch his antennas move.
AHHH! your alarm just went off.
You said something in your regular voice and then went back to sleep LOL
I'm going ti end this here now! Gonna go to bed and give you the Krizko morning special! <3 muah!

(Sorry about this post ending with no point but im tired and will edit this later)

breathing hard

2010-05-11T00:48:00.004-10:00

12:49 am

You're snoring.
And that's because you're really tired.
4 hours of sleep, yet you can do so much.
I have never, ever, had a person put in so much effort to make me happy.
It's fucking ridiculous how patient you are with me.

Last night I cried hard again. And only then I learned and realized how mentally sick I am. I didn't think it was that bad until I really started falling for you. Because when I am thinking of you 24/7 I am now always questioning whether it's real or not just as much. And for the past nights I've been really taking it hard on myself. When nights get really quiet, and you're sleeping, I'm thinking about you.
That's when all the questions comes up. Along with the fucked up scenarios / past that are the reason for those questions.
But last night, when you asked me why it was so hard for me to believe how much you loved me- I thought hard, and before you knew it, I was getting an anxiety attack and I was gasping and crying. You calmed me down. And then you asked what goes through my head, what are these thoughts that trigger my depression..?
And Why is it still bothering me now? Why can't I just quit dwelling with the past?
Even I wondered why too.

I told you,
Imagine living a pretty fair life. You love being around people, you love having fun with others, you have your friends, the people you care for, your hobbies on the side, everything is just fine. Then one night something unexpectedly blows up and everything is gone. For the first 2 weeks I never left my house. Not even with the family. Then the next few months you isolate yourself from everyone else, and you avoid leaving the house as much as possible. But when you do, you are terrified.

Do you really know what this does to a person...?
Do you know what this does to a person's head..?
Sending yourself into exile?
Recovering from a recent downfall, I thought that time would pass by slowly, and that I'd heal and get stronger.
I did.
But I never thought that being away for so long could also do this to me.
This past month, I've been going out more often with my sister and her boyfriend. Registering for this fall, and doing other things like ordering food may sound pretty simple and to the point. As for me?
It's difficult for me to even work up the courage to even do it.
And it's so fucked up.
Talking to anyone else but my own family feels weird to me now.
My heart starts pumping really quick; I get really afraid and nervous.
When a stranger looks at me- I freeze, and I know they know I'm scared.
I try to hide it away with smiles and my uncontrollable giggles, but deep inside I am freaking out. I have been isolated from friends and people outside of my house that it scares me to death to even approach anyone.
And it makes me so angry I have become this way.

When everything disappeared, and I was pretty much left with nothing, I went into hibernation, to heal my self. Isolation started.
.....

I want to take a different approach to this. (again) Here's a new plan.
Instead of trying to repair things, I want to start new.
Because that's what everything feels like to me now. It's like being a kid at school all over again, and being afraid/ nervous on your first day.
I need to be excited for change and new things.
I need to quit using my fucked past to analyze and judge my present.
There is nothing good about it, and it is only a lesson learned.

And then there's you.
I have never considered actually believing a person when they say they really do love me. I know that sounds really bad, but I really like the feeling.
I've never had anyone get me so emotional, or get me to the point of tearing up when you explain your feelings to me. I love you. And I know you love me too. It's just difficult to avoid those questions. But I'm trying my best to understand.
----- I'm getting really tired because it's 2 am now, and I want to call you. LOL

muah.

Flickering

2010-05-06T23:38:00.004-10:00

11:38 pm.

I really want to get over this feeling right now.
I cried again and I don't know why. So here I am, on a partly full stomach, writing, typing, hoping that doing this will help ease the feelings I cannot even name.
It's nights like these where
Something really tiny first ignites it, sparks it, and then it just engulfs over my whole head, smoldering everything. Every hope and wish become specks of flickering glowing pieces of ash, my feelings are alive yet they are still burning, floating away from the heat and the oxygen is keeping them alive
Coughing and wheezing,
I feel like I'm taking those ashes, and sifting them into a strainer
with uneven holes, I am shaking and quivering but these ashes are not going through, they are forming into these complicated clumps, gathering into clusters and as I rumble them around I am now watching them grow, and I am seeing them in a whole different angle as they roll and sway about my basket. I just stare at them-

I don't even know what I'm saying anymore, but that's what I feel like whats going through my head. I'm just feeling depressed again, it's nothing new and I'll get over it soon, this helped a little, but I'm going to go outside to find Shadow, goodnight.

2:34 am

Ok I just wanted to hop onto the comp to say that I feel great and everything is fine now.
LOL.
......
It was the makeup sex.
HEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHE
ok toodles<3

Orange juice

2010-05-04T07:05:00.004-10:00

7:06 am
__________________________________

Tangy orange juice on my tongue this morning, I love this.
I know this sounds a bit gross but-
( HEY I DID LAST NIGHT OKAY AND I'LL DO IT WHEN I'M DONE WITH MY DELICIOUS BREAKFAST)
I specifically skipped brushing my teeth just to drink this orange juice- Cmon we all know what orange juice tastes like after you brush your teeth! bleh!
And to eat sweet buttermilk dark chocolate chip pancakes with strawberries and bananas! :D
I need to practice my future wife skills ; ]
giggle

Also, I just did a couple reps... of morning squats with weights LOLOL
Can you imagine that

It's suppose to thicken up my legs, and....
it did!! ... HEEHHEHEHEHE
LOOK AT DEM LEGS

They say that lifting heavy weights with fewer reps makes you toner and gain more thickness?
I don't know but I need to start working on my arms and legs because I'm starting to get a belly HAHAH
I kinda took a 2 week break just to see what would happen
Though I kinda like it because when I slap my tummy it makes these cute flabby noises...
ANYWAYS
I'm usually a morning person, which explains the good mood I'm in right now,
but I woke up to the news on the radio talking about the highway to Lahaina ( where my mom works) still being closed from last night. The only way to get there is this back narrow and winding road no one ever takes because it's dangerous, and not recommended for the inexperienced ...? Sooo my mum is still home waiting for it to be clear! There was abanoner (HAHAH) ANOTHER* brush fire, we usually have one once or twice a year, but this one burnt down 1100 acres and also burnt an unoccupied house under construction.. There are evacuation centers open just in case anyone becomes homeless :O
I could only imagine all the spiders and rats running away from the fires and moving into nearby homes, LOLOL I feel so bad.

Which reminds me! We have acres and acres of Sugar cane here on Maui, and when they burn it down, all hell breaks loose. It's not just the burning manure you smell in the air, but when they burn down these fields, sugar cane spiders are seen, by the thousands, crossing roads- so much that it looks like mice, you have to close your windows when you're driving through the highway because they can get into your cars, oh my god. Thank goodness I don't live in the area.
Roflrofl i'm getting off subject--

I'm sorry again for not updating as much, I'm fine. And I feel inspired again.
andandand I love him so so so much. My heart feels like its on it's edge, and I get bursts of excitement and nervousness when I think about him coming here.
Two months.
TWO MORE MONTHS.
I get so worried, and my feelings about everything is rolling around on a ride, I am so... dkdfdklfkmzsfk;oef;ed
Too many things go through my head..
What if he doesn't like meeee
What if I'm not what he expected me to be likeEE
WHAT IF HE THINKS I'M UGLY
I know this may sound really stupid and silly but just the other night I sat myself down, And took about 2 hours looking at all my pictures... videos... blogs.. everything on the net. I was trying to get an idea of how others would see and view me.
Then I sat in front of the mirror and observed my face. Analyzing every little bit, from my pores, to my eyelashes... my tiny moles, my acne scars, my imperfect teeth, that slight overbite I have, my strong jawline, the man brows I need to pluck, my eye bags.. Just everything.
I even inspected my whole naked body,
Pouting at all the scars I have,
These scars all over my body..
These permanent and stubborn scars..
I felt depressed. Then I remembered him saying that he'd kiss each and every one of them, and after realizing how much he would have to kiss- that made me smile.
I stopped.
I stopped and made a self reminder that I need to quit picking at myself.
He loves me for me, and if he can accept things that even I have a hard time accepting, then I fucking love him even more, and I don't know how I could live and feel this happy and secure without him.

<3
Brb breakfast time~

2010-05-01T12:27:00.000-10:00

From Shay!! <333
Must buy more stamps!

Clear Eyes.

2010-04-28T00:12:00.002-10:00

12:12 am
____________________
So so so so so so sorry.
For not updating lately...
I've just been really distracted..
cough* tumblr, and cough* boyfriend. <3 LOL'
ANYWAYS I just wanted to post something.
roflrofl
hi

Everyone, please read!

2010-04-13T21:59:00.002-10:00

So I've decided that I need to stop pushing people away. I avoided getting close to others because I was afraid I'd hurt or lose them, and in return I get what I hate most, and that's loneliness. For those who still are here for me, I promise to keep you close. I want to repay everyone back.

For this past week I realized how nice it felt to give, and to talk to "strangers" who later turned into new friends. And I want more. I welcome anyone and everyone, I want cute pen pals I could write letters and send cute things to. Message me through Facebook/Myspace or comment this post!~
Starting today, love is my weapon, and I will gladiate .

Revlon "Beyond Natural" 3x Volume Dramatic eyelashes!

2010-04-06T00:04:00.011-10:00

___________________________________________________
12:06 am

After stocking up on snacks, I found myself wandering the makeup aisles of Walmart. I suddenly had a slight urge to want to get fluttery thick dramatic eyelashes, and this is what I found.

^ Found this picture online

I forgot how much this was exactly, but it was about 4 dollars!
I really liked the packaging; For 4 dollars, it was in a sturdy plastic box, and it also came with a cute folded piece of paper I didn't bother reading...
The way it looks and feels, it makes the product appear to be high quality, therefore, I keep it in the box, because It makes me feel like I own a special and expensive item.. Maybe it's the filipino in me LOL
There's also "step by step" instructions on the back , it's very useful and pleasing to the eye for you beginners out there!
I put them on as soon as I got home and I loved them!
It's ultra lightweight, and easy to apply, I was impressed by how soft and smooth they were too.
The only thing I didn't like about it is how shiny they are.
The overall shape of it was okay too, they look like blocks of black on your eyes, me >>> (-.-)
I wasn't so crazy about these because I like eyelashes with more of flattering shape!
Whispy, spikes, crisscross styles...

BUT! After all, This is "Beyond Natural" 3x Volume DRAMATIC eyelashes,
so I wasn't surprised. I bought these eyelashes to satisfy my curiosity, and for pure fun. They look really nice in pictures!
It makes my eyes look more cartoon or "anime" like because the thickness covers my eye crease a bit- It's as if I'm wearing eyeshadow, or really thick eyeliner!
I don't know where I'd wear them out, but here are a couple pictures! enjoy.~

So..... .. .. . . .. .
Hope you enjoyed my mini review!
Goodnight everyone!
And you. <3
Muah.

Happy Easter Sunday!

2010-04-04T22:54:00.009-10:00

____________________________________________________________
11:22 pm

Hopefully this week will be a better one? Hopefully.
I had a really really really really really nice weekend though. Thanks to him<3
Also, I'm still waiting on ONE more package!
It's probably going to come in tomorrow, or Tuesday.. Expect two reviews!
And for this past week, I guess the only thing that has been keeping me sane was food. I ate a lot of delicious foods....
Now it's almost twelve. And here I am sipping on a chilled can of Sprite..
Uploading pictures onto my lappy, and blogging the night away.
Here is a picture haul of meals/snacks and other new things.

I love Steak, onions and bell peppers... with a fried egg on the side! Beef patties with gravy... I could never get tired of steak.

Heres what I always get at the mall- The Mini Kalbi plate from Pearls barbeque with 4 pcs Fried Man doo, it's my favorite.
My side choices - cabbage and macaroni salad!

These Shrimp Shumai dumplings...
You can buy them anywhere, I got mines from Walmart. You just defrost them in the microwave for 45 seconds, and brown them up a bit on the frying pan if you want it to be crispy! Really tasty. drool/

I don't know where my mom got these, but we have Mickey Mouse chicken nuggets! High quality white chicken meat too! These are too cute to eat.. I always bite the ears off first : D And if you havnt noticed by now, I always add Aji Nori Furitake to my rice!

AND THENNNN
My new snack obsession...
Hawaii Popcorn company's Hawaiian Gourmet Popcorn
I just bought a new bag of the "Red and Green" flavor that's supposedly a local favorite.
It's just sweet red/green colored candied popcorn, but I still like the "Hurricane" flavor better though.
I ate it all and I had to dig it out of my trash to take a picture of the bag,
hee hee.

...................

These are baked mussels my sister brought home! I just ate a few of them,
I loved it. The orange stuff is fish eggs btw.
And LOLOL I stuck them in the microwave to warm them up and one exploded..
LOOK AT IT.
LOOK
AT.
IT.
Fish eggs all over the microwave. ;_;

Lastly, since I've been feeling bad for Shadow, I now allow Shadow to come into my room whenever she wants to, LOL
In the bottom left corner of my window there has always been a teeny hole..
That hole is now big enough for Shadow to climb in... HEE HEE
She comes in late at night to eat my leftovers I usually leave out...
Then she leaves my room when she's done.
But that's after she just lays in bed with me for a while.<3
And when she needs to poop she'll leave.
It's so cute.

..............

.....

Goodnight everyone. <3

Friday

2010-04-02T10:00:00.002-10:00

9:59 am
____________________________________

I guess I've accepted the fact that the kitten died...
The way it happened is still a shock to me though.
I feel bad for the woman. She loves animals just as much as I do..

How could you live knowing that you stepped on a kitten and killed it?
As fucked up as it sounds, it didn't stop my sister and I's humor.
What if we vandalized her car and sprayed : " KITTY STOMPER" on it, LOL
That's one thing we thought.. I also wished that this was some April Fool's joke..
It's over now, and I no longer mope or cry over things that cant be changed.
I'm more of a thinker, my feelings don't show very well. I just feel bittersweet?
It was still nice to hear the remaining kittens playing in their box outside...
Cat's don't really understand "death."
That's why Shadow is still looking around...
Did you know that?
Animals grieve.
Even when a pet owner dies, sometimes their dogs or cats would wait at the door, for weeks, months, sometimes they'd refuse to eat.
Being taken to vets to take appetite enhancers, some are just traumatized.
They'll keep searching.

I love animals.
Well.
After this not so great week, today is Friday, and I finally got two of my packages!
Also, my foot feels fine, I don't feel any aching muscle pains any more, no itches!
exhales*
I'll do some kind of review for my packages later!
I need to grab some breakfast, be right back!~

I'm sorry Shadow.

2010-04-01T23:35:00.003-10:00

11:35 pm
_____________________________

Today was... not great.
One of Shadow's kittens died.
I'm not sure which one yet, but it's one of the black ones..
I'm just too afraid and not ready to see which one it was.
So.
This afternoon, My sister and I was home and we suddenly heard our renters fighting again. This has happened before. The first time, the police had to come over, and I overheard the woman talking to them about their relationship, and how they have a past of domestic abuse on both parts.
They've been living downstairs in this nice studio for about three months now.
A couple, and her daughter. The woman is in her late twenties, still finishing up college, and working two jobs. She pays for the rent, and She is either divorced or apart from her ex love; She moved to Maui and met her new boyfriend here.
The man on the other hand (her boyfriend, now ex) , has no job, regularly goes to bars/clubs, and from what she said, "parties a lot." He comes home late drunk and angry sometimes..
My room is just above their studio so I can pretty much hear everything.
I feel bad for her daughter sometimes, she's 13? 14?
Anyways.
My sister and I heard them arguing.. It later transitioned to yelling, then screaming, we heard things being thrown, then, we heard crying and it just got out of hand. I heard someone run up the stairs and knock quickly at our back door, it was her daughter, her eyes were pouring tears, she stuttered as she asked where my parents were, Then the lady ran out to the stairs and frantically asked the same question, and she ran back in.
I was scared as shit, I didn't know what happened, and then cops got here.
Things got quiet, and my sister looked out the window.
She saw the woman kneeling down, holding one of the black kittens in her hands.
It's body limp and bent, crooked.
She told me and I started crying so hard, so many things ran threw my head, I didn't know what to do, or what to think!
I heard the door slam, did they slam the door on the kitten? We heard things being thrown around, is that how it could of gotten hurt? Did one of them hurt it out of anger? I had no fucking idea.
I was so fucking upset.
After pacing around and making a few calls to our parents/ boyfriends our uncle came upstairs.
He said that he tried reviving the kitten, but it couldn't make it. And this is what went down, according to what she explained to the cops.
They were arguing because he was on drugs, or was drunk, and things just got really bad. He tried beating her, and when she ran out the door away from him, she accidentally stepped (or stumbled onto) one of the kittens that were sleeping in front of their door.
Just the thought of it suffering made me sick.
The police took him away and I think he was arrested for abusing her, I'm not sure.
And everyone pretty much cried. The woman and her daughter got really close to Shadow's kittens as well, so they felt extremely guilty and apologized for what happened today. My parents later came home and we told them everything. My dad buried the kitten. The house was quiet tonight.

Now.
The thing my sister and I was talking about... these crazy fucked up relationships.
For the couples that fight way too much, that stay in these abusive hurtful relationships... It's so fucking selfish. I hope this incident opens this woman's eyes. You're not only hurting each other. You are hurting everyone else around you.
Also, this woman seemed a bit psycho in the relationship. Like she could of provoked it. Then it led to us talking about how it's so arrogant of guys to complain about "psycho ex girlfriends." Yeah they may be crazy, but they weren't born that way. Something may have happened for them to behave the way they do.
I am very upset about this, but I don't hate them. I don't personally know them, it was just bad luck. It was a horrible accident.

I'm sorry Shadow. She only has three kittens now. I'm so angry at myself for not taking a picture of all them together.. I've only taken a picture of Ink. And it could be him. My sister brought Rocky upstairs so it's either Ink, or Luna. I feel so bad for Shadow. She's been looking around for hours, meowing for her missing kitten. I sneaked her through my window earlier to feed her shrimp and Vienna sausages, it's like she knew her kitten was gone- Her meows sounded like she was mourning.

I'm so sorry Shadow. I told her that. All those nights she individually tried sneaking in each kitten into our house, looking for a different place for them to grow. She didn't trust the renters. She wanted her kittens in my room not outside, but my dad didn't approve. I feel so fucking bad right now. Don't tell me it's just a cat. I love animals. They think, they observe, they remember their names, remember people, they have hearts. I can't imagine how it feels like to lose your child. I have so many things to say, but I should stop.

I am so sorry Shadow<3

---
I promise I'll update/reply to formsprings tomorrow ok?
I wasn't in the best mood today, and I need to get some sleep.
My foot is feeling better btw.
Till it be morrow.~

Wednesday!

2010-03-31T08:08:00.005-10:00

________________________________________________
8:08 pm

Hey, a lot of your comments inspired me to come back and continue updating my blog!
I am really sorry for not being very active... I've just been really busy,
cough* masturbating

Anyways! I've been reading back on my old entries, and I am starting to realize that I love my posts..and I enjoy reading them a lot.
Lately I have been having a lot of emotional posts... Maybe that's why I've stopped posting because I vowed to myself that I would stop writing about a specific subject, and I just don't want everyone to think I'm a emotional wreck.
heh.

For those of you that want to follow my blog, I'm sorry about taking down my follow button, I just thought it looked really ugly LOL
But! There is still a way to follow me!
Go to your blogger home (dashboard) and right below the list of all the blogs you are following, there is a "ADD" and "MANAGE" button. Click on the "add" and paste my blog url (http://krizkoblog.blogspot.com/) in there! And Ta dah!~
You are now following me on Blogger.
I think I'll just add a follow button somehow in the side bar so...

:D

[Re-edit] OK I FINALLY ADDED A FOLLOW BUTTON LOL

okok!
So as I was saying, I need to get back in the habit of updating my blog...
Also replying back to people on my cbox and formspring...
I think I'll do a review on the rest of my contacts soon..
Also, I'm expecting three packages in the mail! Including possible Kitten fabric from a online friend!
I've been introduced to Ebay people.
I'm scared too.

I have more to tell you, but I'm gonna go get some breakfast! French toast and coffee is calling me.

Be right back honeysuckles.

__________________________________________________

11:51 pm

YES I MADE IT

so......

On Monday, It was a great day.
The air was cool, the sun was out, the birds were chirping, and I went outside barefoot to grab the laundry that was hanging dry. That was sweet too. My cats following me around, playing with my feet...
I grinned at them for being extra playful while I tip toed.. grabbing the linen and cotton sheets, they were so observant, and well, cute.

With a full load of laundry I picked the plastic basket up and I skipped my way back into the house, humming a melody to myself.
Halfway there I froze, and the basket falls to the ground.
Sucking in my gut I felt a sharp pain under my foot. I sat myself down and just store at it.
It wiggled.
ITS A FUCKING BEE STINGER
I braced myself and pulled it out with my fingernails..
A sweet scent on my tips was left, I thought it was cool
Having no knowledge about bee stings, I picked the basket up once again and I continued my way into my home.
Every second after I stood up, my foot began to pulse and stab with pain, I freaked out and ran into my room.
I sat on my bed squeezing my foot because the pain was so strong, I didn't know what to do or what was happening to me, I called him.<3
He was worried and he was really trying to help me..
I fucking love him.
Asking me about any reactions to be sure I wasn't allergic, or I wasn't going to die soon, LOL
After all, this was my first bee sting!
Being the stubborn person I am, I said I didn't need the baking powder or Apple cider vinegar he said I should use.. (It's suppose to help soothe the pain, and clean out the bee venom)
I thought bee stings weren't anything special, that it would go away in an hour or two.. Yeah it hurt, but hey I can handle a few hours..
All I did was clean my foot with alcohol, and seal it with a band- aid.
fuck me.
Its already Wednesday and I've been limping.
I feel like I'm stepping on a swollen ball, and it just hurts and itches...
I feel like my foot is going to fall off!!!
I couldn't even go out with the family to Walmart and Costco because I can't walk like a normal person..
It looks like I had really rough sex..
Anyways, It's getting better though!
My packages didn't come in today either, sad face.

Hopefully tommorrow!

....
..
...

Even though my week has been very unlucky... I feel extremely happy.
With him.
Tonight I felt like new doors were opened.. I've done something I've never done before and he just makes me feel so comfortable.
Not a hundred percent, but I'm getting there!
it's a really nice feeling.
My whole day pretty much revolved around him, and it was great.
Tommorow I will reply back to everyone okay?
My hands were full today (if you know what i mean ;] )
LOL jk
But tommorow! I need to get back to everyone!<3333333333
Goodnight!~

hi

2010-03-27T01:20:00.000-10:00

Tapioca pudding

2010-03-22T00:52:00.003-10:00

__________________________________________________________
12:53 am

Tapioca pudding on my tongue...
If only semen tasted like tapioca pudding.. .. .... .... . . ..
Well. I sure was emotional this weekend.
Maybe it's because i'm getting my period soon?
I've never felt so depressed and unhappy like that though.
I cried hard.. digging my face into my pillow to groan and scream.
I've never cried to the point where it was hard to see.
Not eyes so blurry with tears, (I actually think everything looks pretty that way)
but because I swelled up so much.
They still are, but it's getting better!
Sigh. \
I need to man up.
"Stiffen up that upper lip."
I have too many reasons to not be "unhappy"
I always think about all the people that could have it worse,
Or at all the things I have.
I have a loving supporting family,And even though I haven't met many of you out there,
All of you are still living breathing humans behind a computer screen.
Just like me. Reading texts, viewing pictures, clicking anything and everything that pleases the eye..
I appreciate all of the support I've been given. I really do.
I read everything, every positive kind comment given, it gives me temporary happy feelings, LOL
but really.

I've been doing a lot of thinking. About what I want. Who I am. Who I want to be. Where I want to go. And I realized.. That I need to stop trying to manipulate my life. I am in control of what I do. And that's it.
I am going to stop trying to make every single thing go my way. I'm learning to take life as it comes at me. Even if a lot of things seem like I'm at the right place at the wrong time, I will make the best of it. I've been given the most amazing family, a good home, the best of friends, a passion (art),... and now it's my job to turn what I've been given into something. And I realized, that I need only one person in my life to do that. And that's me.
Tonight I thought. What do I want to be remembered for when I die? Do I want to be that girl everyone loved? Or do I want to be the girl everyone looked up to? The one they admired? Who do I want to be? Or rather... Who am I?
I'm Krystle. :)
I am a strong girl. And sure, I may not have been through the things some of you have.. but what I have been through has hurt too, and it has affected me.
These things tore me apart. I became weak.
I lost nearly everything. And I will never get it back.
These friends, these people around me, In 10 years they wont mean a thing.
No one will give a shit about what you did.
What's going to matter is how you progressed from it.
I'm going to stop dwelling on my past. I need to accept my childhood, I need to stop picking at myself for that.
I'm going to take a different approach to this.
I want to be happy.

FUCK RUCK FUCK

2010-03-21T03:29:00.003-10:00

---------------------------------------
3:31 AM
me.
kpoifjkelmafoefolf:ohjbnkl:"lfkjaef:"f>AWD:>A:F>E:FL"RF;WE][LTGR,E[LTEW[]F;WE][;FSE'[;LFSD[P'FKSEFP
FUCK ME.
FUCK ME
FUCK MY CURIOSITY
I NEED TO GO TO SLEEP
FUCK THIS
_____________________________________________________________
2:41 pm
Ok.
I am okay.
I'm just really numb and emotionless right now, so i'm just going to be away for a while! I need some fresh air.
Be back tonight-

Damn March 7

2010-03-07T21:32:00.011-10:00

_____________________________
9:32

So guess what I got in the mail yesterday!
A special package from a special someone! ;] <3
For a ring, it came in a big box, Which is a GOOD thing.
So A+ for packaging Hot Topic!
The bigger the package, the better of a chance of it not being lost during delivery!
And delivery was lightning fast too.
When you open it, there's brown packaging paper, and the cute ring wrapped in bubble wrap!
I squealed.

I was really surprised of the quality at first. (Since this ring was $8.00)
The ring was heavy and seemed like it was some kind of expensive steel~
BUT actually, we believe it COULD be copper underneath.. But who knows, I didn't scuff my ring yet ;]

Later in the day we headed to the mall to eat lunch at Pearls Barbecue!
I got a Mini Kalbi plate with Fried mandoo, cabbage, pickled seaweed, and rice!
YOMM!

^
LOL when it pauses. I look like a na na.

Got to the movies early to wait in line, and I bought a fucking 5 DOLLAR Icee slushie...
le sigh.

Also did simple Cheshire cat inspired nails!

I love you.
__________________________________

Last one for you.

2010-03-01T00:56:00.005-10:00

____________________________
12:57 am

Hey.
This is the last post I'll ever mention you.
-You're welcome.

Don't tell me it makes you sad that I'm ignoring you.
That word makes it seem as if I am being wrong to you.
Yeah, I'm choosing not to have anything to do with you, but it's not me being ignorant or inconsiderate.
What you did, was painful.
You knew exactly what you were doing. Everything was fine between us,
(or so it seemed) and then suddenly you became distant and uninterested.
I found out for myself, and now you'd like you and I to still be "cool"...?
Really..?
No.
You were secretive and dishonest with me. If only you told me what was going on, and what you really wanted. If you sat me down and reasoned with me, I would understand and still want to be there for you no matter what.
Now, it disgusts me to see how excited you get with new jewels that sparkle in front of your eyes. It's child like.
But hey, I don't know anything at all.
I really don't.
And I don't want to hear it.
You want us to still be friends?
Why..?
So when things don't go right, you can always come back to me like old times?

The only thing I was in love with was your mind and soul. Cheesy as it sounds, I was in love with "us."
Because I felt like we've been in so much shit that we could always go to each other for comfort. That no one else could understand us or the things we've done.
I do not care about how many girls you've fucked (emotionally and/or physically) Those kind of things are forgivable. I own an extremely complex mind, many things are forgivable and acceptable to me.
But when you hide things from me and push me away, I can't do anything.

I strongly believe in equality- It means I don't chase after others.
It's important to me that we are all fair.
I'm a fucking Libra.
I will not feel okay leading a person on, or to chase others, and vice verse.
If I am pushed away, you break us as a whole, "We" do not exist anymore.

Then again, maybe I was just in love with "us."
It was like our little get away. When things changed, we changed.
I started to see through that. This secret "love" we had.
and I'd question you.
Taking out every bit, I observed and analyzed everything I knew about us.
You never did seem to want to truly connect with me.
You never did understand the reasons why I felt the way I felt.
I don't think you are even aware of how brain sick I am.
Gtfo.
just kidding.
Well, just don't worry about me. I'll be fine.
Thanks for the experience and your time.
I really do not have anything left to say to you.
_______________________________________________________________
1:14 am

Here's an explanation for you, and for anyone else that is curious to know why I am so "abnormal", odd, unusual, and/or "fucked up".

My childhood was different. It was not terrible though. A person I was close with did things to me at a very young age, so I didn't understand whether it was wrong or right, all I knew was that I made that person happy. And it pleased me that I did. We created this really close bond, and when I started to get older, I became very unsure, and things became forceful and frightening. One day It went too far, we just stopped. And it was never spoken of again. I lived my life as a normal kid, never did I once look back and wonder about it. I'd be utterly frustrated and confused with all of my relationships. Sometimes I'd look at my partner as if he were a brother to me. Doing physical things confused me, it seemed as if we were just conducting actions, exchanging saliva, and feeling flesh and skin most of the time. I was good at a lot of things, I loved to please to excite, and I still do.
I would observe and watch them, I would look into their eyes and just wonder. They always ask me why I do that. When I give you that "look." I was curious to know what they could be thinking or feeling... Playing with your hair and watching you fall asleep. I do feel that cute lovey dovey feeling, but I always question it. I am reminded and I end up over thinking. Then I just feel overwhelmed and flushed out. And I become numb.

Even till today, I am still confused with myself. I don't like to think about it because I end up becoming really depressed.
I'm just a huge mess, and I know it. That's why I've been so distant and careful with getting close to others. I don't want to hurt them. I feel that I may be too much. Maybe I need help.
There's also this guy. I've been talking to him for quite a while now, and he says that he could "fix" me.

I hope so.<3

[*Re-edit - To "fix"..... It sounds really bad I know. Allow me to re-word this..
He says that he can make me understand what "love" feels like, and keep it that way. Does that sound better?<3]

Yeah. I can say a lot of my past relationships weren't very good at "love making" LOL
(But please don't be offended. These people were never aware of my past.
It was just recently that I even began to remember it too.)
With them, It all seemed like deeds to me.
And there was very little foreplay.
Or foreplay was rushed to get there.
I obviously did not mind because I liked making them feel good.
A few ended quickly because it seemed that that's all we ever were.. I got bored.
Here's the problem, I need someone that can handle and control me, tease me.
Surprise and hold me down. Give attention to every limb on my body and take over.
It doesn't even have to be sexual.
When you hold my hand, I don't want to be dragged around aisles of a grocery store like a puppy. I don't want to feel like a child holding your hand.
I want you to take my hand and I want to feel safe holding on to it.

Okay now my words are turning corny.
I should stop now..
Leave me alone!!!!
LOL

ok bye

So,

2010-02-26T22:29:00.009-10:00

____________________________________
10:29 pm

So I finished cleaning my room, I just need to vacuum up all the hair and pubes embedded into my carpet, and then I'm done.
Lately I've been catching myself giggling, or grinning.
Because when I think about how ridiculously in love I was with you, it humors me.
I would file my nails down so my claws won't hurt you, ignoring my self wants to put on acrylic nails, and decorating them. Which by the way, I need to work on a new set!
I would save certain garments of comfortable semi sleep clothes, for when I'd see you, these were my most comfiest and my favorite garments to sleep in with,
I would save them.
Sometimes I wouldn't wash my pillow cases until your scent worn out.
Leaving you sweet texts the next morning..
The night before Valentines I was excited. I got all dolled up, wore a cute dress, shaved my legs, and even shaped my pubes in a heart shape, (LOL)
That was for myself though. Not for you to see.
I wasnt planning on seeing you, but I thought that maybe there could be a chance I'd bump into you at the mall..
And that, maybe you'd put on that face that says: " omg. Hey, She's pretty."
It's embarrassing thinking of it now.
Fuck you.
No.
Fuck me for all the times I've felt lucky because I thought I was special and different to you.
You had me. You really did. Getting to see me whenever you'd like to, All those times I took you in, I was down for anything.
When I cleaned today, I stumbled upon my mini black graph book.
I take this book everywhere with me- I doodle and write down my thoughts.

"I'm still worried about him."
That was the night after you had to leave because of your health. I'd spend nights researching on the internet to see what could be wrong with you. I was worried and it bothered me for a long time. Just knowing that there was something capable of taking you away from me, fuck me.

Enough of you, I'm getting myself angry.
Also, another thing that has been bothering me- friends.
I miss my friend Vi terribly. And as much as I would like to have another friend with the same interests, I feel that it could be almost impossible.
This island is too fucking small.
I would at least like some fun company to hang out with, being alone is interesting, but it gets lonely in time.
Then again, I'm afraid of getting close to anyone else.
Sigh.
____________________________________

Beautiful- Eminem

2010-02-25T22:13:00.007-10:00

10:17 pm
__________________________________________

"If I truly wanted to be cruel to someone, I would make that person fall in love with me. Then I would disown them and completely disappear into a sad silence. Love and mystery are my weapons of choice."

So tomorrow is Friday. I plan to do this thing I like to call " disinfestation"
In the dictionary, this is the activity of getting rid of vermin.
Vermin are any various types of insects, or pests, and even irritating persons.
And I do not mean "irritating" by a person's self, but the feeling alone.
The feeling of discomfort.
Bothersome, and painful feelings that do not go away.
I want to get rid of it.
Because even trying to rid you from my head isn't enough.
All of the little objects and reminders I have lingering around, it needs to go.
Tomorrow I am going to scrape away everything that brings even the tiniest faint thought of you.
All those texts, I will delete them.
That last can of Strawberry Lilikoi I've always saved, I'm going to chill it, and fucking enjoy every last sweet drop.
My whiteboard, will be clean, and reusable again.
And so much more I do not need to mention.

I've done this process before, and in the end I become very excited with myself-
its unbearable and I even start to cry, or laugh hysterically.
I am a mad scientist, don't you remember?

This whole thing, it's not me regretting anything at all.
I loved this experience, and I am thankful for it.
I've become mentally stronger.
Things are much clearer to me now, I don't get too lost in this "mysterious fog"
I am alert, witty, and careful now, I can almost see right though many,
Soon, things will be clear to you too, you are going to look at me in a way you've never seen me before, and you are going to feel awful.

I really do not know how long i'm going to be away, but if we ever cross paths,
I am not looking twice.
I have nothing left to say to you.

- Krystle
____________________________________________________________________

11:43

I keep getting those quick dip like pains.
You know that funny feeling you get in your tummy when you're excited and happy?
This is the opposite of it.
You feel it at the base of your collar bone, or rather deep into your throat?
This bellowing feeling that slides up the back of your lower head, and goes away just as soon as you feel it.
Yeah, it's an odd unpleasant feeling.
I'm so angry at myself for forgetting to buy cookies at Wal-mart last night though, LOL
The empty package is just sitting here, along with a can of vienna sausage I keep in my room just in case I get hungry when i am too tired to get out of bed and make food.
Btw, I don't feel like correcting that run on sentence....
lololololol
Good night.
And no video tonight, sorry :/ I'm trying to head to bed early, I'll call you soon.<3
________________________________
1:20 am
Nevermind, I made a quick oneee! <3
Gonna call you naoooo!

The lilies bloomed today.

2010-02-22T00:53:00.007-10:00

12:43 am
_______________________________

I feel like my intestines are being pulled and stretched away from me.
My abdomen feels bubbly, bloated; I am on my period.
I also soiled another pair of shorts...

I'm finally eating the spaghetti I've been wanting to eat since 9ish today?
Earlier, the sister and I left our rooms to spend some sisterly bonding time together and make spaghetti!
She prepared the noodles, and sat down to continue reading her magazine as I stood in the kitchen across of her and minced onions and garlic.
Blinking and squinting, the onions slightly burned my eyes..
I managed though, because I was avoiding the fumes...
We laughed, and giggled, chit-chatted about the funnies, and then the noodles were done.
She asked the question I still wonder and think about if I didnt choose what I chose...
She asked: "Do you want to pour the noodles? Or hold the strainer?"
I literally hummed, and thought about it, and chose to have her poor the boiling olive-oil infused noodles into my basket..
fuck.
She was holding the pot pretty high, and poured it out pretty fast, it splashed off the walls of the sink, and like a wave, it fell onto my right forearm and fingers. I swore at her.
I was in pain, and I raged when she told me it was my fault.
I cried out of frustration and stormed off.
My arm had these red oddly shaped spots, and I was just really upset. I went back out to grab a frozen dinner, and back into my room to be the stubborn little faggot I was, and layed my arm on this frozen meal.
When the redness started to fade away, I became even more upset because I felt extremely guilty and pussy-like for crying over that.
I think it may be my emotions, i dont know. But tonight I wasted a good night to hang out with my sister, since she's hardly over.
Sadface.
Well, We're probably going to laugh it off tommorow, LOL
It always happens.
Brb! Going to eat now, Dinner is getting cold.<3

____________________________________________
1:39 am

back.
So the lilies bloomed today.
I think I may be in love, and I can't get this person out of my head.
It really scares me.
As much as he says that it won't happen, I'm afraid that he would leave or disappear.
I've already told him how I felt.
I still find it amazing how quickly he could cheer me up.
He makes it hard for me to feel sad, LOL.
It's a different feeling. And I can't get enough of him.

I just sidetracked. I feel so stupid now just thinking about the person I was a month ago. I was in love with this other guy for a long time. I'd even worry about his health, because the thought of not being able to grow old with him made me ache. I admired everything about us, that I couldnt see what he was doing to me, I couldnt hate him.
Then that week came, and I slowly started to wake up.

Now theres this really strong feeling that's stirring in me.
It's not really revenge, it's more like rising, and being free.
I am no longer attatched, or stuck.
Days can go by, and it doesnt hurt anymore.
I am fucking happy.
Which brings me back to him.<3
I don't think I've met anyone that's ever gotten me to have hope for love again,
To have me let go of my past, and be happy about it.
He inspires me.<3
About to call you now, its 2:06 am
_____________________________________________________________________

Le sigh,

2010-02-20T00:41:00.008-10:00

12:42 am
_______________________________________

In the end, I'm not really happy about how it turned out. That's what happens when you stop doing art, I need to be consistent and I need to continue practicing.
But I guess this turned out pretty decent knowing that I used old watercolor paint from the 99 cent store, and q-tips.. LOL
Then I outlined and detailed everything with ink and a caligraphy pen...
Even I realized that my pen skills were a bit rusty, I use to be swift and clean, This time I was sluggish and sloppy. I accidentally rubbed my hand on alot of parts, I made alot of strands solid black because of that,
including the one under her chin- It looks like a beard, and it pissed me off, LOL.
If you havnt noticed by now, I like to draw figures in somewhat alluring poses, and hair.
The hair is my favorite part!

[click to enlarge]

After doing that, I noticed that I have an odd style of shape when it comes to outlining my drawings... I love lines. Like hair, I send alot of things into 'spiral" or I make things bend and curl. I create these sharp yet smooth moldable shapes, and I'm really comfortable with it. I love detail. Here are two examples:

[click to enlarge]

Btw, Goodmorning! <33333
You special person you, ;]

_______________________________________________________________
12:43 pm

Hi!
I'm gonna go fishing today with my sister/ Huy, and my brother, Be back later! :D

Just realized

2010-02-19T07:37:00.004-10:00

_________________________________________________
6:44 am
Hi.
Goodmorning!
I love being up early. The air is cold,
the smell of freshly brewed coffee... the steamed rice.
My mother is up around 5 am to make coffee and breakfast for her hubby and herself, and It's really cute. I want it to be like that when I'm married.
As much as I wouldnt mind doing the same routine every morning, It would be nice having those unexpected mornings where I'd get up to brush my teeth, and he would secretly come up from behind and...
lolololololol.
Teehee, anyways, like the title, I just realized that I really like watercolor and ink! That stained glass look, with those dark piercing lines- It really attracts me.
When the paper is wet, a droplet of paint would fade and disperse in a beautiful cloud... diffusing with other paints.. I love it.
I also love working with caligraphy pens...
I havnt really touched watercolor, I'd normally use acrylic, because it's cheap, hehehe.
Oil paint is a favorite too, but it's expensive, and I need to use the proper brushes.. The turpentine eats them up.
I do love the smell though.
I'm just finishing up this mini project i'm working on, so maybe it'll be done today.
As for now, I'm going to make some toast and coffee!
Be back later.<3
_________________________________________________________

Chilly morning

2010-02-18T08:14:00.004-10:00

______________________________________________
8:15 am

So I woke up pretty damn early today! Around late 5am because Shadow was meowing outside of my window again.. That bitch. I find it really cute though. I could tell apart alot of her meows- she has one particular meow when she's outside of my window calling for me!
It kind of sounds like she's saying " MOM!" "MOMM." Mommmmmmmmm!"
Or when she loses me in the house, she walks around meowing the same way.
(She's doesnt like to be left alone, and likes to be around people)
If I don't come out to get her by then, she climbs onto my window, and starts meowing.
Doing this, She knows that I will have to come out and get her.
Because I always have. And if I don't, She'll be there for hours.
I once ignored her, and I felt completely bad because when I came out to see her, She limped because her paws hurt. Now, I just never let her stay in spider kitty mode for too long.
Anyways!
...
I like being up this early, it's nice.
I get to see my parents before they head out to work..
Oh! And I'm also watching over my little brother because he's sick.

I feel artsy today! And I feel like putting my materials to use...I feel bad.
I have abandoned my drawing books. And I feel really inspired today.
So, maybe new art? I'll probably post the finished product on tumblr!
Be back later!

_______________________________________
4:27 pm

Yay! I got a late Valentines delivery today! ^_^ I teared up, LOL
I told him I liked the color blue, and I don't remember whether I told him I liked lilies too, but AHHH! Here it is,<3

Thank you.

Much better.

2010-02-17T23:13:00.002-10:00

_________________________________________________________________________
11:13 pm

Hey.
I'm sorry about the emotional posts, I'm fine now. I've thought about it.
I don't deserve any of this.
I'll just use this as another motivation to be better.
Right Krizko?

right.

Theres also been another special person that's been helping me. <3
I havn't felt these lovey dovey feelings in a long time, it feels nice.

Anyways, I made a cute breakfast for my mum the other day!
Turkey sausage, fried egg, crisp fresh potatoes with melted cheese, and a cinnamon sugar french toast with a chocolate heart!<3 She orgasmed in her mouth.

Beautiful lies.

2010-02-16T00:34:00.004-10:00

_____________________________________________
12:34am

Never again.
Never again.
Never again.
Never again.
Never again

Never
Again.
...

I will make you regret everything.
I will make you watch me,
want me.
Someday youre going to remember that you once had me.
When the days are cold, and those feelings you sold, rise from the mold,
That mold that stuck, that muck you created, and abandoned as swift as a pluck,
Like a petal, you couldnt settle for one, for I wasnt enough,
Not shiny enough, because this crystal you scuffed, scratched, and cracked,
couldnt shine in the buff, I was frosted.
Frosted like those marbles you played in elementary school,
There, life was still cruel, I was still a tool, a pretty jewel, drowning in this pool, full of control, and pleasure, I'd stop at no measure
to please, and excite, and then I met you.
Feelings soon began to ignite,
Everything felt right, Night's were so bright, and then you took flight,
That flickering fire , took you only one puff, you blew me away
decisions became tough, I straightened out my cuffs,
I've had enough.
I'll be on my way.

I'll be on my way.

.......

Maybe youll see what I what I went through, and wonder why I even stuck around.

Don't tell me your'e sorry, because I am.

Rainy morning!

2010-02-11T08:19:00.006-10:00

____________________________________
8:19 am

It's raining in the morning again, and I'm home alone with Shadow!
Mornings like these makes me wish I was older.
I'd walk around the house wearing only a cute loose tee, and cotton undies.
Making french toast for my hubby and watching him walk into the kitchen like a zombie.. As I hum a melody to myself, He'd come up from behind, wrap his arms around me, and kiss me on the cheek.
Then heading to the living room, he would sit on the couch, and yell:
"MAKE ME A SAMMICH BITCH!"
LOLOL. Okay maybe not the last part, but everything before that, *Sigh*
Well.
Poor Shadow waited outside of my window in the rain, that's what woke me up.
Wait, no. It was him, but I went back to bed.
Anyways, I feel...... GOOD
I'm in a really cleany mood right now, so after I fix myself some french toast and coffee, I'm going to start some harcore cleaning! ^.^

Be right back.
__________________________________________________________________________

12:00 pm

That's it.
One last time, and then I'm done.
I already knew this was coming, and you arent mysterious and exciting to me anymore.
We were fucked from the start.
I'm sorry. The whole ride was exciting, but look where I am now?
I've been shoved under the rug too many times,
I always do that, I never do watch after myself, I feel like a dirty safety blanket for you.
Look at you. You are fine now. After everything, you still have your friends, you still can go out without being looked down upon, because we kept you safe.

I literally lost and sacrificed everything, and you wonder why I always feel so unappreciated and used.

Do you remember this piece I wrote?
..

"She will cling......Like a vine, she will intertwine.........feeding off your simple friendly remarks,
She is addicted, She is Convicted, Like I predicted she will not stop...............
Because this love she has for you is not restricted., It will not drop.
Until that day, she can call you her own, she's in the zone, all dignity is thrown.... She will groan, for a grasp, for a taste of your sweet glorious mind.
Undefined, so refined, of all man kind, You are.
You have yet left another scar,,
Victorious, she will seize, and a soul mate is what she seeks.
Unknowingly as she speaks guaranteed tears will leak her cheeks

But I will plea.
I will plea for everything.
For abducting me.
Conducting me.
To my knees with effortless ease,
I have cheated, mistreated, depleted to the floor,
For you , I wanted to explore.
For me, you had nothing more, but a slight adore
For my strong desire to please, An expertise, a mere tease, an excitement galore.
I always thought I was nothing more.
Nothing.
more."

You always wanted me to finish it.
I've thought about it lastnight, and I no longer have the inspiration to.
I keep saying this.
It's getting really old.
Your ways, your words, everything.
I predicted it right the first time, and now with your next target.
You think you can have any girl you want?
You met me when I was a naive boy crazy highschool girl.
If I met you today, I wouldn't think twice.
I wouldnt strain myself for trying to forget everything.
One last time. And you wont see me again.

_________________________________________________________

2:00 pm
Fuck man, I totally just lied.
Ok I am going now.

Here I go again,

2010-02-11T00:10:00.007-10:00

______________________________________________________
12:11 am

"Once upon a time, I met this one girl.
She was more than a diamond, more than your common pearl.
No jewel could compare to how much she makes you stare, best ride in the fair… that's why I call her

krystle.

She shone brighter than the sun, makes you wear stunna shades at night,
In a span of 30 days, I was the tunnel, and she became the light.
Let me vow to you right now that I'll never make you frown,
unless we're fucking so hard that you're smiling cuz your'e upside down.
I'll be here for all of your problems,

I'll be sure to stick around until you got none.
It don't matter what you say, you're the highlight of my day,
Krystle: I'm sorry but I"m here to stay.

I'll be here to buy you Doughnuts.
We can be kids together until we have to be grownups .
But even till then, I'll be the one you can come to,
pun intended, girl you know I ___ you. "

-This made me feel much more better.
So he's on the phone snoring right now.. Well, just breathing hard, LOL
And it's just amazing how fast you could cheer me up. Thank you.

So.
Here's a different story about another person.
Tonight I was being a curious kitty again, and got I really upset.
Why do I keep doing this.
Tonight I thought of something that really scared me.
I told myself that I felt I’ve been around for this guy for so long, that I no longer care about being hurt anymore. I’m in love. And that maybe I wouldn’t mind being used.
What if… I said that I like the feeling of being used….?
Maybe it’s a fetish. A dirty habit? I don’t know .
It’s a threat I like to take a different approach to. I’ll find a way to enjoy it.
All of the strong emotions that are involved, make it so addictive.
Emotional pain, love, pleasure, anger… and control?
Looking up at the person you love, and having this anger grow and stir within you, because you know that you are being used and toyed around with.. Resulting in you wanting to make this person feel good.. In the most risque and mischievous way possible. Deliberately causing harm or damage, and being able to control, and be controlled?
After all, we’re all just humans with bones and flesh.
My feelings aren’t hurt easily.
And don’t ask me where my dignity has gone.
That quality is bull. Being worthy of esteem or respect?
I don’t need your respect, and I am not disrespecting my self morals.
I dont comply with your formal rules. I don’t hold back,
I experiment and test myself; I am a mad scientist.

God, this sounds terrible. Maybe I need help.
Just kidding! I got this bitch.

I've been attatched and in love with this guy for so long that I could feel okay if he doesnt feel the same. It's happened before, and as long as he's here, then I'm fine. Then again maybe I'm not soaking his words and feelings he says he has for me. I've been a puppet for this guy for so long, I don't know whether his feelings are false or not.

Then I crawled into bed, and thought.
Do I really need him? Yeah I can handle the pain, but do I still want it?
I've been watching him. Maybe I'm just getting bored of it all.. Maybe I want something new.
I'm just waiting for that moment where he fucks up big time, so I can just completely dissappear. It's always been that way.
I have a really strong moral about me never leaving anyone.
I always stick around.
If you ever disown me, I will haunt you in your dreams, Do you understand that..?
You'll never hear or see me again.

For now, I'm fine, and I'm slowly starting to feel like I'm better than this.
I know, I know, but trust me, it's just really complicated.
Tonight I felt depressed and angry... Then I felt horny. LOL
But I think that's normal, because I'm getting my period soon, and well, nevermind.
lololololol alright.

All I need to say is that there's someone really special sleeping on the phone right now, and I want to go back to bed and join him.
He's been making me feel really weird lately. And he just gives me hope.
goodnight!<3

choke me. I've been suffocating.

2010-02-04T01:13:00.004-10:00

____________________________________________________
1:13 am
"My weekly love horoscope"
For the Week of Feb 1st, 2010 -- You may go through a rough patch early in the week, perhaps feeling abused, ignored or underappreciated. Resentment could also get the weekend off on the wrong foot, but that will change by Saturday night. When the Moon zips into optimistic Sagittarius you can let bygones be bygones. Finally, you'll be free to speak openly and play without worry

Damn. I hate you horoscope. I hate you again.

.....

Anyways,
I feel much better now.
Earlier I was feeling light headed and sick..
I felt like throwing up.
Then I pooped and now I feel better, LOL
Oh and I also tanked a bottle of water, so maybe that helped..
lolololol

btw. After wandering around Tumblr, I stumbled upon this article!

http://briankim.net/blog/2007/10/top-5-things-every-extrovert-should-know-about-introverts/

And after reading this, I think I finally have a better understanding of what I am. And I am completely fine with it.

I am an introvert. And a retired extrovert.

I use to be very energetic around people.. Seeing or hanging out with a bunch of friends every week was very important to me, and I just loved to mingle and be around others. That was me a long time ago.

I think I've done so much that I've had enough. I had enough of the drama and the negative people. I lost alot of friends and I just ended up with a special select few. And theyre all i need.<3

I use to pick at myself, trying to figure out why I'm not interested in the things I use to love so very much.. It made me feel lonely! Was I just thinking too much? Why did I lose the desire to want to socialize ? Isn't that what people like doing?
I felt like something was wrong with me.
I seriously thought that I've been depressed for a long time.
No.
Now, I've realized that theres nothing wrong with introspection, and being a complex thinker. I do like being alone, and I do wander and think too much. I absolutely love to observe people around me, and I am fascinated by it.

Albert Einstein, Issac Newton, Charles Darwin are a few introverts too.<3
A few of the many idols I love.

"Introverts have a lot to bring to the table. They have an amazing ability to discover new thoughts, an uncanny ability to focus, to concentrate, to connect the dots, to observe and note things that most people miss, to listen extremely well and are often found having a rich and vivid imagination too."

With that said,
I am still the friendly Krizko. So don't worry about me. I'm not shy or anti-social, I'm just really careful now. I am not going to push people away. It will be tough for you to gain my trust, though.
To me, when I allow someone to be a part of my life, it's a big thing.
All of my trust, time and energy is used, and not a single day will go by when I am not thinking of you.

I am a happy introvert. :]

So it's 2 am now.
Goodnight!<3

Blog Tv !

2010-02-03T00:19:00.002-10:00

Sooo after doodling a few viewers one of them wanted to "return the favor" and sing a song! Read the chat, LOL they say the most ridiculous things.

"The only song you know... is the little mermaid."
LMAO

Under the sea! - Broadcast your self LIVE

And I have an announcement everyone.

dududududu - Broadcast your self LIVE

Yeah :/
We should of gotten Shadow spayed earlier. Shadow is still the same demon kitty but 83748923749207304 times more. I love her. <3

[See Tumblr for screenshots!]
http://krizkotv.tumblr.com/

Im craving gummie bears

2010-02-02T00:48:00.005-10:00

____________________________________________________

12:51 am

"Open your eyes, open your mind
proud like a god don't pretend to be blind
trapped in yourself, break out instead
beat the machine that works in your head"

Guano Apes- Open your eyes
This song has been replaying over and over... It's been my motivation song, hehehe
The lyrics are deep..

Anyways, today I was really upset.. I just felt that alot of friends were turning their backs on me, and tonight I just came to a decision that if these people were really friends, it wouldn't be like this.
That's one thing I strongly despise.
When it seems that people don't have a mind of their own. Letting others opinions and self reasons make their choices also.

People that dont have an open mind to even think that there are two sides of a story?
That things aren't just Black and White; theres gray also.

So no more pouting! I don't have the time or want to change anyones perspective about me, and I certainly will not crawl and beg for anything. I'll just be me.
People will think, talk, and judge;
let them.

.............

I'm really craving gummie bears and sour gummie worms!
Or cheesy popcorn!

Oh and yesterdays Horoscope!
"Monday, Feb 1st, 2010 -- You need to finish up an old project now so you can be ready for the new opportunities just around the next corner. But it won't be easy to tie up loose ends when it's so much fun to imagine untying them. You could be your own worst enemy if you really think you can outsmart the timing of the cosmos. Stop procrastinating; your lack of attention to your chores can only delay the inevitable for so long."

Sigh.

Sunday!

2010-01-31T20:37:00.012-10:00

________________________________________________________

8:37 pm

Alrighty, so I've decided to do a mini review on the lenses one pair at a time!
Like I mentioned, I got my lens yesterday. (January 30,2010)
Here is the packaging! I blurred out my home address for all you stalkers out there. ;p No need to thank me! Oh, And Shadow was a great help. She's chewing on the bubble wrap as we speak.

[click to enlarge]

So these are the EOS Adult Brown circle lenses. I got them from Pinky Paradise and I highly recommend this site! The Site is well organized and has a really professional and clean layout so it's easy to find your way around.

I ordered this pair on the night of January 19, and it got shipped out the next day on the 20th. Therefore, it took exactly ten days to reach me! I was really satisfied because they are shipping from Malaysia to the U.S. and I live in Hawaii. ^__^
*Actually it reached the U.S. (Los Angeles, California to be exact) on the 29th, but since im in the islands it took another day to get to me!*

I am aware that these look gray in pictures, but I knew that before hand, and I liked how these lenses seem to change color depending on what lighting you are in! It can either look tannish-brown, or a true gray.
Compared to other lenses that have a solid pupil hole, this has a crystal like pattern that blends well with my dark brown eyes.. It looks pretty natural, and I wouldn't mind wearing this everyday!

The enlargement isn't dramatic; but it's still noticeable. Which is a good thing because I wanted a natural pair of lenses.
I've been wearing contact lenses for years, so these were really comfortable.
I could wear them for 8 hours+ ( which you shouldn't, LOL) without any dryness or discomfort, but that's just me! Using eyedrops help too.

[click to enlarge]

I'm really happy with these lenses. :D Maybe i'll make a short video too, eh?

Also, I ate out with my older sister and her boyfriend and Asian Cuisine again!
Pictures!

[View Tumblr for more pictures!]

http://krizkotv.tumblr.com/

My lenses came innnnnnnn!!!! Yayyyyyyy!

2010-01-30T11:41:00.002-10:00

___________________________________________________________
10:40 am

My lenses just came in hehehehehe.
It came in earlier than I thought.
And, I WAS SO DISAPPOINTED.
It wasn't even a mailman!!! It was a Mail WOMAN.
She wasn't even hot, and I felt bad because she had casts on her fingers LOL
That was so stereotypical too, LMAO.
I could only imagine how that happened....
She was very kind and curious though. Asking me what I ordered from Malaysia...
I should of told her it was porn or anal beads or something...

Sooooo I'm going to soak them for 6 hours, and in the meanwhile I'll be cleaning up, and helping my daddy clean the fish pond!
I'm not sure if I'm going to have pictures up tonight..
If not tonight then tommorrow! :D
Be right back.<3
______________________________________________________________

My room.

2010-01-30T00:33:00.003-10:00

______________________________________
1:08 am

Why.
Just being in my room makes me angry.
How I always save atleast one Strawberry Lilikoi..
Well atleast till I get another pack to replace it.
And when it gets late,When I go out to grab Shadow, I start to get really nervous.
I'm ridiculous.
What you said keeps replaying over and over again in my head.
And your'e right, I did die a long time ago.

In a few hours, my lens are suppose to be delivered today!
That's keeping me happy and excited!
And this time, I will NOT miss it. I will wake up early and just camp out in the front of my house..
This is also a good chance to make an interesting video..
I love a man in uniform. ;]
LOLOL
Have you guys ever watched those hidden camera videos where the customer trys to seduce the mailman, LOL
I dont think my balls are big enough for that though.
Well not yet.
I'm still working on Project 105. (My weight gain goal, hehehehe)
So for this past week I've been doing alot of resistance excersizes and it feels really good!
Starting this week I'm going to work on my flexibility again. ^___^
I use to be so flexible :[
I miss being able to put my foot over my head.. hahah
Anyways.. lololol

My computer... I underestimated how many crap I had on here..
Look forward to new content! [pictures]
goodnight!<3

-----Horoscope!-----
Saturday, Jan 30th, 2010 -- The gregarious Leo Full Moon can turn you into a bull in a china shop because the force of Mars joins her today to push you to let everyone in your social or work group know where you stand. Fortunately, your key planet Venus is also in the picture, enabling you to appear gracious to others, even if you are on a mission. Don't worry too much about trying to be nice now; if your heart is filled with good intentions, they will carry you through

Aloha Friday!

2010-01-29T01:28:00.008-10:00

____________________________________________________________________
1:28 am

As the rain slowly falls and only the fan is heard to smoothly pierce the quiet night,a rhythmic clicking of a keyboard is heard only by the closest of objects; his telephone, his printer, and her soul.

As they sit quietly on two different pieces of world, he feels closer than he has ever felt towards anyone he's ever met or seen; feelings initiated in a vague float-feeling environment as if it was another dream.

But he doesn't wake up, and the feelings he feels pounding inside every living ounce of him are real, as if to say they are like a pinch or a testament put in place to set the difference between reality and fantasy.

And as he feels his head swim slowly towards the bottom of the ocean for air, he imagines taking her with him, because even in water you can fall, for each other. The lines blur because she's magical;

She is his living fantasy in a dead space reality.

Someone wrote this for me ^__^ <3.

Goodmorning!
This is probably one of the only things keeping me sane tonight.
So my package came in!
But, I missed it, so I have to go pick it up at the Post Office. :[
Fucking carriers... It was raining today so they probably couldnt leave the parcel at my door.
Wait no, I scheduled a re delivery, so its suppose to come on Saturday. :[
Sigh.

---------------
Horoscope!
Friday, Jan 29th, 2010 -- Everything seems to be getting more complicated again, especially if your friends are making demands on you that raise your anger. You don't want to be pushed around and are likely to step into the game fighting mad. It's best for others to leave you alone now, unless they are willing to put up with playing according to your rules

Tuna and crackers

2010-01-28T00:32:00.002-10:00

_____________________________________________________________
12:51 am

I swear, I've been peeing every hour.
It's all the water I've been drinking!
Atleast my pee is clear now.. LOL

So I uploaded a couple of random clips and videos on my Youtube!
I didnt think that cleaning out my computer would take so long, theres so many clips of Shadow I think I'll just make a video out of it!
.....

OH MY FUCKING SEMEN STREUDELS!!!
JFIOGRDKSJDFPOKAWDOK0039ROI[W-EOR'FL[ES
;D.S]DFLSDF[PLSDF]A=WFR0OKL3W9RI34KRO['WL3[R;EWFPLWEerf4rup09u3rp9airojwed0wjedkmIJIUHUJHERF

....... 5 minutes later

So my sister gave me this sugar packet with an inspiring artsy quote on it a while ago,
and I pinned it onto my bulliten wall of inspiration.
When Shadow needs to go outside to pee, she hops onto my dresser and claws at the wall aside my door. (Well, in this case, the bulliten board)
While I was typing out this blog, she hopped onto my dresser and hooked the innocent little sugar packet and looked at me.
Before I could even finish yelling her full name, she looks up at the sugar packet and slowly lowers her paw!
Showering her chest in a waterfall of sugar.

I have to vacuum this up tommorow..
Alright I just put her outside!
It's still raining too. ^____^
I should go to sleep.
Goodnight. :]

Sending myself into exile.

2010-01-25T23:47:00.008-10:00

Horoscope!
"Tuesday, Jan 26th, 2010 -- You are feeling a new wave of tension rolling in today, but hopefully the carrot that is dangling in front of you is large enough to hold your attention. Resolve petty differences between you and your sweetheart now before they grow into an unapproachable mess. Stop making excuses in the name of love; you have work to do and you better get started."

DAMIT.
I hate you today horoscope, I hate you.

_____________________________________
11:48 PM
Hi.

Pressing my tongue against the roof of my mouth..
And over the tips of my fangs,
I can't help but savor this light painful feeling.
I just recently finished a hot cup of noodles,
and after the first scorching sip, I became numb.
I was careless.
I was hungry!
A few more slurps and I still could feel the burn- but I didn't mind.

I didn't mind because it felt good running down my throat and into my gut.
I was cold and I needed it now.
Before it was too late;
-before my pre dinner gets cold, of course.

....

.....

That was my metaphorical interpretation of how I'm feeling right now btw. burp*

I've had alot on my mind for awhile now..
Twiddling my fingers about my wants and my needs..
Contemplating about goals and time... and people around me..
Sometimes I just feel really lost and out of place.

I feel numb and a little fragile right now, its over whelming.
Right now I'm going through this phase where I really just want to be alone.
I still crave the comfort of others, and as much as I hate depending on people for that, it just feels really "right".

I think that I've toyed and manipulated my feelings so much that I'm somewhat romantically challenged. Or that my mental health is really disoriented..
I start to lose interest in alot of the things that usually make me happy, and I just get really depressed.
It's temporary though. (thank goodness)
But it still scares me.

After alot of practice and painful trials, I've aquired the skill to flip the "off switch" on the heart.
I find myself watching terrible videos of people being killed or tortured, and I won't feel a thing.
It's awful, I know.
It's a really empty feeling and I cant describe it, because even I don't know.

And it goes the same for people. Sometimes I dont really absorb the feelings people have.
I can see it, and know what it is, but I'm usually really confused and I don't know if it's real?

Something happened to me as a child, and you won't fully understand me unless you experience it yourself. I was too young to understand what was happening to me,
And If you were taught to make others happy by doing things that are usually sentimental to people today- All those little things that people cherish so much are much harder for people like me to grasp.

I'm getting off subject, and I should stop,
it's getting really late.
I'm really fucked up, I know.
Sill trying to accept myself..
Trying to take a different approach to this.

..
.....
I just want to be happy that's all.
Goodnight!<3

_1:37 am_______________________________________________

btw, I'm calling you right now. I'm okay now.
Good morning! :]

Pretty Monday!

2010-01-25T09:07:00.005-10:00

Horoscope!
"Monday, Jan 25th, 2010 -- You may be in a playful mood today even if you have a lot of work to do. Thankfully, your lighthearted attitude allows you to overcome obstacles with finesse. Spend some time making plans for an upcoming trip or vacation. It doesn't matter if it's only a night on the town; just having something fun on your calendar will help you to focus on what you have to do right now."

Today I made a self note that I wanted to take myself on a date to the Maui Ocean Center sometime. I havnt been there in years.
I'm really excited to see all the sea animals..
Also, I'm planning on dressing up like a total tourist LOL!
I want to buy me some candies and eat at a restraunt, and pretend I'm giving reviews of the whole place! hahaha
But seriously.
Possibly in 2-3 weeks..

________________________________________________
9:07 am

Good morning!
I woke up really early this morning.. ;]
And I'm cleaning out my computer right now!
Brb?
Breakfast time!

_______________________________________________
10:47 am

Wow.
That was probably one of the most delicious breakfasts I've had for a very long time..
Teriyaki glazed spam, fried egg, potugese sausage, and butter garlic potatoes with melted cheeeeeese!
yum.
A friend told me that I need to start drinking water if I want to gain weight....
So for the past 3 days thats what I've been doing..
Forcing myself to drink this tasteless tummy space consuming liquid....
Lastnight was the first night I've ever finished a WHOLE bottle of water.
LOL I know.
I'm curious to see how my body would react if I start drinking water now.

Also, this whole calorie counting thing.. not working for me
I'll just do all the counting in my head :D
du du du!
still cleaning out this computer.
be back later gators!

______________________________________________________________________

6:48 pm

Is it just me or does drinking water make you more hungry?
Anyways! as soon as my computer is clean, I'm going to start making videos!
I have alot of clips of Shadow, and I dont know what to do with it..
Hopefully by tonight I'll be done!
I'm saving all of these photos and files I have floating around onto photobucket right now.
___________________________________________________________________

Nights are lonely without you.

2010-01-21T21:41:00.003-10:00

____________________________________________
9:42 pm

Hi!
Sorry for the late blog, I actually wasn't going to blog today,
but I am because I'm in a good mood right now! ^_^
Well, a little. Hehehe.
I'm here sitting, waiting for my bowl of kimchee noodles to finish cooking..
I put it in my dresser because Shadow was trying to eat it...
Hopefully my panties wont smell like kimchee..
Also, This calorie log thing is getting pretty... tedious.
Especially when your'e eating something that you have to look up calories for..
For example, I just ate two sweet potatoes..

Anyways!
------------------------------------------------------------------
2 cups whole milk - 300 calories
1 can Passion Orange - 140 calories
Teriyaki Yakisoba - 420 calories
Kimchee bowl - 380 calories
2 eggs - 140 calories
2 sweet potatoes - 260 calories
1 cup pineapple chunks - 200 calories

Total Calories- 1,840

DAMIT.
I fail today because I woke up really late, and I want to go to sleep early tonight.:D

It's 10pm now..
And I'm hoping to wake up around 5 or 6 to get an early start! ^_^

My sister is going to pick up some Hershey's Chocolate syrup for my milk too.
Yayyyy chocolate milk!

byebye.

________________________________________________

1:00 am

Fuck man, I can't sleep :[
I just tanked a large cup of chocolate milk, and im going to lie in bed until I fall asleep.
Goodnight<3

Guess Twat!

2010-01-20T14:58:00.011-10:00

________________________________________________________
2:58 pm

Okay this is what I am going to do.
Everyday, starting now, I am going to keep track of my calorie intake everyday!
My goal is 2,500+ a day!
(I know its pretty big for me, but I just want to set a high goal)
And that's to AT LEAST gain one pound a week. hehehehe.
I'm also going to do a hour of resistance exercises so I don't just poop out all of my calories..
I need to give my body a reason to store some fats! ^__^
Sooooo..
Don't laugh at my food, LOL
-----------
1 can Cappuccino- 170 calories
12 Pizza rolls- 420 calories
15 Cheeto cheese puffs - 160 calories
1 package Shrimp Udon Noodles(230) + 1 brown egg(70) = 300 calories
total calories so far = 1,050

LOLOL
1,450 calories to go!

-------------------
1:32 am
1 can Passion Orange- 140 calories
Tuna Mayo Sandwhich with Whole wheat Bread- about 250 calories
Remaining Tuna/mayo with 15 tortilla chips- about 200 calories
Leftover Costco Rotisserie chicken - about 150 calories
2 cups of rice- about 400 calories
15 Cheeto puffs- 160 calories

total= 1,300 calories

Total calories for today- 2,350

---------------------------------------------------

......
....
GOTTA CATCH THEM ALL!

Oh, and I'm also doing this calorie log thing for motivation, and a good reason to get back in the habit of blogging again. :]

_____________________________________________________________________________

5:12 pm

ALSO,
I just would like to say Thank you to one of my Blog TV viewers (Charles) for the generous Donation!!
I was suppose to buy a Hello Kitty Neck Massager

But after doing some research on it, IT REALLY IS JUST A NECK MASSAGER.
I was disappointed.
I was hoping that it was just a silly lie, but I've seen reviews.
The figurine on the top just vibrates, and the bottom part is where the on switch is located, and isn't made for reasons I was hoping for. :[

After a few hours of researching, I figured that I should order some prescription circle lens instead.
I've been using this same old pair for 3 months+ now, when it's suppose to be disposed after 2 weeks.. Damn.

Not to mention how much I squint on on cam, or how I hardly respond to the chat because It's hard for me to see ..
In real life, (LOL) I have trouble reading things like menus at fast food joints, or just anything from afar..
I have bad vision.
:/

*RE EDIT- BTW I broke my glasses. :[ It's missing a lens on one side, and on the other side, The handle part for my ear came off, LOL
The tiny screw fell off and I don't know where it is.. DAMIT*

So.
I ordered lens from Pinky Paradise, and maybe I'll do a review?
Okay I will. :D

I got 3 pairs: Dolly Eye Grey, EOS Adult brown, and Ultra Black CK-105.
I picked these three because I wanted a pair of dramatic lens (dolly eye grey are bright and somewhat creepy looking, HEEHEE) A natural looking lens ( Adult brown) and a lens that I could use everyday! (CK-105, which just has a black gradient like rim)

Pictures:

Dolly Eye Grey

EOS Adult Brown

CK-105

* I do not expect the products to look as good as they do in the ads, but when I get them, I'll be the judge of that! :D*

I also couldn't resist adding in this $1.99 facial mask!

I love the smell of green apples.
Now I am going to have the honor of having a green apple scented "facial" ;]
(LOL Vi.<3)

Can't wait for my order to come in, it's suppose to take 7-21 days, I'm patient... I think. :]

I also donated 40 dollars to The Red Cross Fund the same night, because I felt bad!
Hope for Haiti!

Since I'm doing this appreciation segment, i'm going to go ahead and thank Mark also for his donation and gifts! (LATE I KNOW,LOL forgive me.)
I've never really gotten to say how much I appreciated them.
Shadow likes to play with the Crystal ball. ^__^
And I pick my teeth with that kitty pin, (JUST KIDDING ;])
The rest of the trinkets are still sitting on my desk, continuing to bask away in cigarette scented boxes.
A portion of your donation went to Haiti btw~

http://www.redcross.org/

So there you go.
Expect a review on circle lens and a more talkative Krizko on Blog TV in a week or so~

<3
________________________________________________

9:07 pm

Hi.
I just got off the phone with someone really special.

I'm sorry.
But it's for the best okay?

Don't take any fault because you are an amazing person.
Everything about you was perfect, it scared me.
I do apologize for being.. maybe too kind
I know I warned you, and you also agreed that we would'nt get this close.
But I didn't know myself well enough.
I couldn't help it.
But.. that's who I am. I like to please and excite.
It seems that it's all I've ever known..

It makes me happy.

Who doesnt like the comfort of knowing that your'e special to someone..?

Maybe someday we'll get to see each other.
I just can't be in a serious relationship right now.
Especially if I can't even see you.
I've been in relationships after relationships, and after the last, that one month where I isolated myself from everyone- it was the worst month ever.

The first month I've ever been alone.

What does a person like me do?
Being the lovable Krystle I am, I always feel like I need to make people happy,
It brings me happiness.
I love to be around others.
The sad thing is that I don't know how to be happy alone.
I've never really gotten to have the chance to experience what it's like to be alone and happy.

The next few months after that terrible month , I started to come out again,
and things started to feel better.
I used all this extra time to get closer to my family, and that was my new inspiration..

Then New years came, and I met you!
It was unplanned and a lucky coincidence, and we just connected so quickly.
Twenty days.
Just twenty days, and we got so close. :/

Remember New Years, our unplanned little anniversary<3
I'll keep that really close to my heart. You were the first person I spoke to when this year started.

And every time someone comes along, I'll know better.
I'll be more careful okay?
So I wouldn't end up hurting the both of us. :/
Your'e really special to me.
You have so much going on for you, and don't let this unfortunate event bring you down.
When I'm ready to be in a relationship, I'll be ready to make it work.

Don't wait for me.

It's going to be a long time.
Keep in touch, and don't forget about me!
Because I won't, I promise.<3

_____________________________________________________________

1:51 am

DAMIT
I had to force myself to eat those 15 cheeto puffs, LOL
I am so full.
Stupid me, tommorrow I'm going to try make this easier by eating every 2 hours?
I feel like I just shoved 1,300 calories down my throat just now

Okay okay well enough of eating my depression away...
Time for my nappy!

Till it be morrow!

Hi.

2010-01-20T00:55:00.005-10:00

_______________________________________________________
12:55 am

Hi.
And hello daily visitor.
What do you look forward to seeing when you visit my blog..?
Do my emotional posts amuse you?
....

I havn't been posting much, I need to get back in the habit.

Also,
I just realized something.
I like confident and sometimes cocky people..
When people know what they have, and can back it up as well.
This trait attracts me because it makes me want to challenge them.

But when they throw themselves onto others- It's taste-less to me.
filthy.
How could you have all this precious self ego,
and just ruin it by being so wasteful of yourself?
Sure, maybe it's fun to flirt, but don't make it a habit.

Let's refer back to a well known quote:

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

Is that a really attractive trait?
To be known for what you do?

For me, I know I am an amazing person.
I own a beautiful mind and I know what i'm capable of.
My character is attractive, and I like to believe that I am beautiful also.
I like to preserve this.

I value myself too much to go around throwing myself onto others.
Collecting victims, and keeping them in your gallery for when you need an ego boost..
When you have all of these amazing traits, and you dont know how to be careful with them -it's careless.

Are you not aware that you are hurting people? Confusing and tormenting others?
You can't blame them.
You know that.

Like I said, It's getting really old.

_______________________________________________________________

1:36 am

Bed time!

IM BLEEEEEEEEDING!!!

2010-01-15T17:29:00.004-10:00

_______________________________________________
5:29

First period of the year!
I feel so bad.. I keep neglecting my blog... I've just been really busy.
And I also noticed that my visitor rate went down, so....
I'm back!
hmmm..
I gained 2 pounds, :D
__________________________________________________

1:17 am

hi.
Sigh.
If I wasnt in this situation, things wouldnt be this way.
I like to believe that i'm just special. That's why I've stuck around for so long.
Sometimes I feel like i'm the only one changing.
That i'm the only one growing up and finally realizing what I want.
I had to endure so much for this..
It's just getting really old.

....................

*Btw this goes out to a specific person.*

Anyways,
I'm going to try something...
It's called...
NO INTERNET WEEKENDS! :D

How does that sound.
I know it's already Saturday, but my day hasnt ended yet.
yeah :]
I'm not exactly sure why i'm doing this, but... I'm doing it.
So....
See you on Monday!

________________________________________________________

Strawberry Lilikoi

2010-01-12T18:26:00.003-10:00

______________________________________
6:26

I think I've become an insomniac... 5-6 pm feels like morning to me, and I get to bed around 8-9 am...

I'm really comfortable with that.
It's either that or my whole day consists of random power naps..

I'll brb though.
I'm going to do some sketches and possibly sew somethin!
I feel inspired today! ^_^
I'll be back sometime after midnight*

toodles chicken noodles.
____________________________________________

Serves you right.

2010-01-11T19:54:00.004-10:00

______________________________________________________________

7:54 pm

So after settling some drama, I went to poop and I lost two pounds LOL.
I know that because now I weigh myself before and after I go to the bathroom, and it just seems that my meals arent going anywhere.

I think it's because I dont drink any water... And that I dont work out?
I'm going to start doing little resistance excersizes, and lift kitties, erp, I mean weights.

Sounds good?

good!

_________________________________________________________________________

1:35 am

Here's a fact about me.
When i'm nervous, excited, or extremely happy, I cant control my self from laughing or making weird joy sounds.

Sigh. ~

Sunday BBQ!?!?!

2010-01-10T17:55:00.005-10:00

_____________________________________________________________
5:55 pm

Grilled mushrooms, bell peppers, asparagus, chicken, steak, shrimp, and hotdogs= FUCK YES.

I can never get tired of steak though.
I always reheat leftover steak on a pan with chopped onions,
then eat it with rice and a fried egg.

This gaining weight thing is pretty damn good! ^__^

*Note to self: Buy more weight gain! I'm running out. *

Be right back.
Going to tidy up a bit :]

Btw, I just wanted to say that I really appreciate all of the kind supportive comments!
I feel better now, and I am really happy.
Muah!!!!!<3

___________________________________________________________________________________

9:54 pm

I just took a nap and I had the most creepiest dream EVER.
I'll explain later, my sister wants to borrow the laptop and wont give it back till 2 in the mornin!'

I'm going to tidy up my room and eat the bbq food now, byeee ;]
Be back in a few hours honey suckles.

_____________________________________________________________________________

2:54 am

Hi.
Another quiet night.
So I went to the kitchen to eat at the dinner table alone.
No television, no radio, just Shadow purring under my chair..
This unknown number has been calling me for months now,
About 4-5 times a day.

This is really interesting because I block unknown phonecalls, and it automatically goes straight to my voice mail.
My sweet and simple voicemail.

Who are you really?
Do you feel a bit better hearing my voice every morning? and night?

....

What's even more funny is that once every few weeks, That rare day comes where I dont get that unknown missed call at all.

And I get a little sad.
....
Sigh*

Well goodnight,
I'll be up early!<3

Not again,

2010-01-09T13:15:00.006-10:00

_____________________________________________________________
1:15 pm

I am sorry everyone.
For neglecting my blog..
I've just been really busy and honestly, lazy.
I'll try harder.
Anyways.. I am really upset again.

I feel betrayed and angry.
I am disappointed, hurt, and a little ashamed.
Here is a tip.
Don't ever two face me.

Everything becomes a fraud.
I am not a fool,

I am dead to you.

____________________________________________________________________

7:09
I open the door and my blinds pull out.
The wind is shaking the windows.
And over my small room,
the stars fill up the sky.
Shining so brightly, there are too many to count.
Eyes so blurry with tears.

Hey, I look pretty crying.

I am exhausted.

__________________________________________________________________

9:46 pm

NKFNAPIANF"PASFKPOSAF:{PLS{PF:LOK::JOJO:I

................

Why do you do that.

I wish there was a turn off switch for my emotions.

I can never truely hate anyone.

Sometimes I wish that I was a complete heartless douchebag that didnt give a fuck.

___________________________________________________________

2:16 am

SIGH.
again.

I know you read my blog.~

;]

Sleep.

2010-01-08T01:46:00.001-10:00

1:46 am

I am getting so tired of this.
I'll update in a few hours!
Power nap time.
bye.

________________________________________________________________________-

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.

2010-01-03T11:50:00.004-10:00

11:52 am

Good morning!
I woke up around 5 this morning because my cat was being SPIDER KITTY AGAIN on my window screen.
She is too clever.
SHE KNOWS that when she starts to climb onto my window, I quickly run out to get her.

I took her in and tried going back to bed.
But this pussy could smell my bowl of tuna leftovers..
so I had to get up again and put it away!
Then! After jumping on my bed and massaging my blanket, She starts playing with a Walmart plastic bag..
IJNEIFUNUIBHKSW$SNDIJSAD.
I fed her catfood, and that kept her still only until she was done eating...
After other sleep disturbing mishaps,
I couldnt go to sleep, and I cleaned my room.
:D
...................
Breakfast time!

_____________________________________________________________________________

9:55 pm

I can't excite you anymore.
I'm not a last resort.

I don't know about you, but i'm hurt.
It's a new year; I want change.
And I'm going to make that happen.

What you did made me realize how easy it is for you to cancel out on me.
How easy it is to just get up and go...
I am no option, okay?

_____________________________________________________________________

1:28 am

Okay, I take back everything I said.
LMAO
Yay for raging hormones.<3~
________________________________________________________

TWENTY TEN.

2010-01-02T21:53:00.003-10:00

___________________________________________________________________________
10:48 pm

Wow.
What can I say about 2009....
Another epic year, That's for sure.
I had my good times, and my big fat share of bad times as well.

Like you, (hopefully) I've learned from my mistakes, and grown up even more.
I learned to accept my horrid past, and today I will use that as a motivation to be better.
I've been in a rocky relationship for the past 2 years and a half, and even though it didn't end so well, I don't regret it at all.
Through it, I met many new friends, and I learned alot about love and relationships.

It made me learn that I'm not ready for a serious relationship...
I really want to focus on my career and future right now.

When I feel ready to share my life with the person I love,
I want to be financially ready too!
I want to become independent, and I want to learn to love myself first.
So that's one resolution!
Maintain a healthy relationship with thyself.<3

Second, Now that i'm single, there needs to be change.
I admit, I am a attractive person.
I'm certainly not perfect though.
I still feel "too skinny" sometimes..
How my nose looks huge in diffrent angles, my strong jawline, my slight over bite, the lines and scars on my skin... even my long toes, LOLOL

We all have little flaws whether we recognize them or not.
I can look past mines. And for the past month, a new confident "sexy" Krystle has been slowly emerging.
I've met many new faces, and it just makes me feel like i'm in highschool all over again! *giggle*

My point is that I need to learn to control myself, and be careful!
My kindness (especially from an attractive person) can give off the wrong message.
So that's another New year's resolution.
Be SOCIAL and have fun,
but do not lead people on or hurt others.

I have other TOP SECRET New year resolutions, and just other typical goals I'm sure you guys don't want to hear me ramble on about...
All there is to say is.....
I WILL DOMINATE TWENY TEN.

And you can't stop me.....

BECAUSE I AM THE GINGERBREADMAN.

____________________________________________________________

10:50 pm
BTW.

MY CAMERA BROKE.
rkopiogjlkvl;zkvfpoeisdkjznkxjdihjdkbvxgjohidjxcm,nhodifmhjf

I need one ASAP.
___________________________________________________________

Cheese in a can

2009-12-30T18:52:00.008-10:00

_____________________________________________________________________________
6:52 pm

Just wanted to say Hello. ^____^
Be right back!
I have oodles of things to tell ! :D

*to the kitchen*

_________________________________________________________________-

11:49 pm

So I finished my sketch[es]!
But I wont show it to you guys until the whole project is complete. >:]

That's another thing about me.
I'm very a very secretive and underground person.
I just like to shock or "woo" people in the end..

I remember I'd practice really hard at home, and I'd surprise people at sessions..
Now that I think about it, I really miss dancing...
I miss that motivation of everyone else dancing around you, that inspiration.
I was very passionate about it when I first started,
and I learned so quickly.
Then I got distracted again, and got boy crazy because of this new hobby...
lmao

This is the first picture I ever took. Is'nt it cute?
I learned this baby freeze in a day or two. And I got down all of the basic foundations in a month.

I can't count how many times someone told me that I could of been the best "bgirl" on Maui if I kept practicing. How natural it was for me to dance to my own rhythm and not to mention my crazy flexibility!

Then things happened, and I stopped coming to practice because I was afraid I'd be looked down upon for these stories and rumors going around...

I just can't fucking wait for 2010.
This time, I wont put any of my talents to waste.
.....
I will rise.

*goes to poop*
__________________________________________________________________

12:33 am

OMG......
Alright, expect a HUGE huge blog in a few hours...
Today is officially the LAST day of 2009!
I've been anticipating for this day!

I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! i'm ready.. i'm ready!!
*In Spongebob's high pitch voice*
_____________________________________________

2:41 am

So I just finished watching 2 hours of porn, and I am so frustrated right now.
I'm trying to find the FULL name of this girl I just fell in love with.
Her name is Zuzanna, and She is the CUTEST and hottest Euro girl I have ever layed my eyes on!

SOMEONE HELP ME.

http://www.youjizz.com/videos/hot-euro-chick-zuzana-170502.html

Circus Animals

2009-12-29T16:58:00.002-10:00

____________________________________________________
4:58 pm

I still need to get my hands on those cookies...
Btw I just noticed something.

MY SEWING PROJECT!!!!!
How did that even slip out of my hands!?!

Truth is, I didnt even touch the fabric yet.
All I did was doodle in my sketchbook, and it later transformed into a shopping list of gift ideas for Christmas. lmao

I am so dissapointed with myself right now.
I was wondering around the tumblr world for ideas and inspiration, and it just made me remember. sigh*
Okay brb.

Im going to grab my sketch book and work some Krizko magic.

___________________________________________________________________

It's working.

2009-12-28T08:57:00.010-10:00

____________________________________________________
8:56 am

Woops.
Sorry about lastnight, I GOT DISTRACTED AGAIN.
Why do I do that damnit.
WHY. WHY. WHY.
I need to put my poker face back on.

I just felt incredibly lonely and depressed, and emotional. :/
I think I'm getting my period soon...
That's how you know because you could tell by my posts!
My posts start to ramble on about love, and me plotting evil plots on poor clueless boys..

Well, what's really interesting is that my stomach expanding goal seems to be working!
I eat so much now, it's amazing.
Lastnight I decided to hang out in my room in just my panties and cotton tee..
(I know it seems unnessecary to say that, but I wanted to give you guys a visual, teehee.)

And I was flipping out because while I was sitting on my bed I started to lightly poke the sides of my hips and GUESS WHAT.
I'm getting fat! Yay!
I was so amused because its so soft and feels swollen...
It's just that I use to have just muscle and bone around my hips.
And now theres cute fats!!! ^__^

Brb, breakfast time!

__________________________________________________________________________

10:37
Hey.

A friend showed me that cute blog of yours.
Does that really make you feel better..?
Is it really necessary for you to say such things?
We are two separate individuals.
And we are different. Do not compare myself to you.

It's not very respectful to compare yourself to others like that.
I will not tolerate it, I've been so depressed.. don't you have any consideration to just keep your relationship to yourself for awhile and be humble about the both of you?

A month or two after our breakup and you think that there's nothing wrong with advertising your new found love in this manner?

There's nothing wrong with being proud and happy about you two, but when you compare yourself to his past girlfriends, hence; me.
You are crossing the line.
When you brag and boast about you two- What is your goal?
Sigh*
I really thought you were a cute kind-hearted girl..
Maybe I'm wrong.

__________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

2:22 pm

I know it's really un healthy but I really can't drink water alone.
I don't remember the last time I drank a glass of water...
I think it was the water fountain back in Intermediate school...

Anyways!
So I was watching disturbing videos last night and I learned something about myself.

You know what's really weird...

I can watch humans being torturted or killed in videos, But I can't help but cry when I see the same happen for animals...

Seeing humans being tortured or killed- I do feel bad, and feel sympathetic for them..

But when it's done to animals, I get so angry with people.
Most of these animals are hopeless and defenseless.
It just makes me sick to my stomach.
_____________________________________________________________________________________

9:28 pm
Why does this always happen to me in Walmart..
I was walking toward the health center, and a man in his late thirties, AND his son (probably 7 years old) follows me into an aisle and tries to start a conversation with me.
I need to stop being nice.
Most of the time I just briefly smiled and nodded while walking away from the guy, But I guess thats not enough of a hint to show that I don't want to talk to him.

He kept calling me "sweetie", and "baby", and I finally literally ran away from him in the end, LOL

I quickly pivoted into an aisle, and I ran to the other side of the store, LMAO.

Anyways, I bought a shitload of junkfood!<3
(Fruit drinks Circus Animal Cookies, and cheese in a can!!!)
I'm also going to start drinking Ensure Plus, :D
It's suppose to help me gain weight, teehee

Pictures!

Four more days.

2009-12-27T17:44:00.004-10:00

_______________________________________________

5:34 pm

Just woke up.
It's amazing how much energy you get from taking 2-3 hour naps!
I just discovered something really interesting..
I'm not sure if it's true, but I'll wait for a few more days to see if it repeats itself....

Don't mind me. ^___^
It's just another one of my silly experiments.
Don't you remember?
I am a mad scientist.

*giggle*
Be right back.
________________________________________________________________________________

6:53 pm

You know what I really admire about us..?

Aside from all the crazy memories and times,
there is one reason I always keep close to my heart.
The way we came to be.
We weren't looking for love.
We just, fell in love with each other.

You can't go around looking for love,
It's unexpected.. It should catch you off guard.

Love is cute,
but the one thing I cherish even more, is passion.

Passion.....

Passion is a powerful emotion.
And we have it.
I still tremble when I am close to you.
My heart skips a beat every time I hear from you.

I'll shut up now.
:]

How bad do you want it?

2009-12-26T16:38:00.007-10:00

____________________________________________
4:39 pm

The sun is finally not shining into my room!
This is when I open up my blinds and let new cool air come in, ^_^

Be right back,
My mum is home from work.
____________________________________________

9:12 pm

I just woke up from another nappy..
*yawn*
I'm really hungry so brb!
Oh,
And let the games begin. *giggle*

___________________________________________

11:11 pm

Hey.. It's "11:11"
Well I just finished eating..
I was hanging out with my brother and father in the living room, and we were watching some cute family soccer movie..
And even though the movie was about children,
I couldnt stop thinking about Italian men.LOLOL

Lmao...
I think I just have a fetish for anything foreign..
Just knowing that their roots and origins are diffrent from mine-
It makes me want to explore their world.
And Italian guys are just sexy.
They have this charm and natural romantic vibe..
Hahaha okay I need to stop.

Aside from tonights random fantasy,
I'm starting to realize that I am a single girl....
I'm single! It's still a shock to me.
I know it's pretty late to finally feel it, but lately I've been going out alot.
So many new faces, and people....
It's so exciting and fun! ^__^
At the same time, I feel dangerous.
So I tend to keep my distance from others because I still feel like I could hurt them..
I should'nt really do that though.
Because it's self torturing.

Maybe I'll do another experiment..
Or even make it a part of my new year's resolution.
To not hold back.
....
Yeah.

Let's see how this goes.

*grin*

___________________________________________

2:21 am

Oh here's the picture I promised.<3

_____________________________________________

3:19 am

I

can't

sleep.

_____________________________________________

4:23

There are no stars out.
Which means I'm sleeping the normal way tonight.
When the sky is bedazzled with stars,
I like to sleep on the opposite side of my bed where I usually lay my feet...
Because in that position I can look out my window and watch the sky until my eyes become heavy..

I should feel pretty lucky huh.
That there are no city lights, structures, or buildings in my view...
That all I really hear are crickets and the early birds awake this morning..
I don't hear cars, or trains, or any form of transportation since I live in such a quiet neighborhood...
On an beautiful island with clean air, and blue skies...
I'm happy.
I'm waiting for my parents to wake up so I can get some coffee!
*stretch*
____________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________

This Christmas.

2009-12-25T21:03:00.010-10:00

__________________________________________________
9:05 pm
Hi.
This Christmas was really different..
Maybe I'm just getting older? Or is it the recession?
No.
Even though I spent alot of time with family-
It's still pretty depressing and lonely.
I guess I just have to get used to this.

*Looks for another playlist to listen to*
___________________________________________________

10:21 pm

I Get so distracted..
Note to self:
New year's resoultion: Focus Krystle, Focus!
I'm going to eat some left over bbq!
Steak and eggs.
Brb buttercups.

________________________________________________

11:58 pm

Just finished up a drama and my meal.
I'm feeling a bit better!
Drama's are so sad and hopeful, it makes me feel better!
I'm going to be up really late tonight...
To clean my room.
I have gift wrapping materials all over over the place!
brb in a few minutes.
Going to eat some dessert, and find Shadow!
_________________________________________________

12:30 am

I know it's already a new day, but my day hasn't ended yet!
I told you guys I'd be up.
I'm eating my second slice of warm banana bread,
and sipping on Mountain Dew!
I couldn't find Shadow tonight too ;[
A new thought has arose though.

Whenever I open my backdoor this late, I still think about it.
Actually, I think about alot of things, but tonight I thought about you.
I just can't wait till the New year starts because on the last day of 2009,
I plan to reminisce, to think back, to cry everything out, and never look back.

When I opened the door and leaned against the door frame,
Only then I thought about that night.
That night I confessed to you.

It was a half moon..
I remember because I looked at it when you told me to come out the first time.
There were no stars out, and the moonlight made my skin look so pale.
I was cold, and tonight I was holding myself While I looked down the stairs.
I wanted to imagine how It felt like leaving.
So I walked down the stairs and I wanted to cry.
I was looking at two diffrent perspectives now.
Do you remember the last words I said?

I remembered gripping my mouth closed with my palm as I ran back to my room.
Because I could'nt believe what I just said.
I felt like a monster.

Remembering bits and pieces of my past- it just builded up from there.
I remember dropping to the floor and curling up into the corner of my room to cry.
Gasping for air. Because it hurt so bad trying to hold it in.
I was slightly rocking back and forth.
.......
.....

Enough of that.
What really had me thinking tonight is how humans react to things.
Why do we do this...?

Is it just natural to us..?
Is it because as infants,
we were rocked back and forth to be put into a restful heal-like sleep?

To be resorting in such a vulnerable area- A corner.
It's as if we're surrending ourselves...
Because you feel like you have no where else to go, right?

I know I'm not the only person that's been through this.
And I'm sure many has had it worse.
Just experiencing this horrible feeling- It's scary.
I really felt like my heart was going. to stop.

Everyone always says that hurting yourself, or even thinking suicide is selfish and stupid.
I agree to that to an extent.
But when your'e crying in a corner, gasping for air because you can't handle the pain of holding yourself together,
That adrenaline kicks in, and you feel like you can do anything.
For some, they hurt themselves for self pity...
Others do it because they feel like it could ease the pain.
But for me, I wanted to do it because I was so angry at myself.
I wanted to be punished.

And thinking back at it now, I'm so happy I didn't do a thing.
*sigh*
All of those years of counseling- I remember being told to call someone.
And I did.
And I'm happy I did!

Things will never be the same.
That's all I know.
And moments like these always makes you stronger.
I just don't want to experience that feeling ever again!

*Puts food away*

___________________________________________________________________________________

2:30 am

Hey.
So remember what I wanted to do on the last day of 2009?
It's so much more.
For the next 5 days I'm going to be preparing myself for 2010!
I want to be ready for all of my resolutions and changes physically and emotionally!
For example, I've been eating alot.
One of my resolutions is to gain weight,
and I've been trying to expand my appetite! ^__^
(Meaning trying to stretch out my stomach so I can consume alot in one sitting. LOL)

Aside from other secret resolutions, (teehee)
Or other minor habits I want to rid....
There are emotional goals and plans I have!
....
Which is also a secret too, hehehe
You guys don't have to know.
All I need to say is that there is going to be change.
:]

___________________________________________________________

3:27 am

"Oh hey"

.....

Oh Hey,
Fuck you.

Getting off the computer,
Alot of new fun pics here if you'd like people.
http://krizkotv.tumblr.com/

.....
.....

And you.

Now that the jolly season has passed, I can do this.
When I'm not around, Do you feel lonely?
It's just the internet.
Maybe you'll see me in person.
__________________________________________________________

4:14 am
Ok I lied.
I'm not sleeping yet.
Hi.
I'm just starting to tidy up my room now, hehe
I just discovered an old glass of juice in my room that's starting to mold up, LOL
I'm so fascinated by it.
I took a picture of it, so you'll see it sooner or later.
:D
Be excited.
________________________________________________________

Moonlight.

2009-12-23T00:35:00.003-10:00

___________________________________________________
12:41 am

Hi.
How are you?
I'm fine.
It's one of those nights again.
Where I'm not sure whether I feel sad or happy.
I'm listening to a Yiruma playlist right now...

I've just discovered that I really need to blog.
It motivates me to get things done....
If I didnt tell the whole world that I wanted to design some new nails, I probably wouldn't have them done this quickly.

Another thing that I'm worried about is finishing my Christmas shopping...

Heres my plan.
If I dont get my sewing project done by tonight,
I will finish it in the morning and head out by late afternoon?
I'm thinking about going to watch Avatar alone tommorow too!
I want to go on a little adventure tommorow. :]

I just feel like venturing off on my own, proudly wearing my diy clothing and nails, getting some coffee , and shopping for gifts,

I'm planning to cut my hair shorter as well because it's grown pretty long...
And I feel that it may relieve some stress.
So that's pretty much it.
Maybe I'll be back after I finish cleaning up my room in an hour or so. <3

Oh, and here's more food I ate-
I'm trying to prepare myself for my new years resolution!
To gain weight. ^____^

I just took a picture of these because they look so pretty and delicious.
Peanutbutter banana sandwich and cheesy jalapeno pasta!

___________________________________________

Where did my mustache go?

2009-12-22T01:52:00.009-10:00

____________________________________________________
1:53 am

Tonight was SO FUN.
I'm so dissapointed though because I didnt complete my Christmas Shopping!
And not to mention how messy my room looks now :[
When I'm rushing to get ready to go out, clothes are thrown everywhere!
That's why I'm always cleaning because I'm ALWAYS making a mess.
In the end I just threw on a plain outfit- skirt and a long sleeve white button top.

Atleast I had enough time to put my nails on! :D

Alright so Huy picked me up and we went to the mall to meet up with his girlfriend (my sister Kim) so we can go Christmas Shopping together!
We all went our seperate ways.
I told them I'd go to Sears to use the bathroom and right when I was left alone...
One of those workers at the kiosks called me over to "try their product".
Being the kind person I am, I just couldnt ignore the woman and keep walking..
WHY DID I LOCK EYES WITH HER.

We ended up chatting, she straightened my whole head. and pressured me to put a two hundred dollar straightner on layaway. LOL

She told me that She would sell it to me half off if I paid twenty dollars up front and come back to pay for the other $80 to get the straightner another day...
She gave me this offer because she told me "She really likes me"
LOLOL
She was so manipulative...
After all my shrugs, and excuses I gave in.
She really wouldnt give up :[
I handed her twenty dollars and She gave me this paper she called my "receipt".

I walked away screaming at myself in my head- "WHY DID I DO THAT!!?!?!"
"WHY KRYSTLE WHY!?!?! , WHY DIDNT YOU JUST SAY NO!?!"
I looked at the paper and it didnt even look legit.
It looked like anyone could of written it,
What if she's not even there when I come back!?

I was shitting my pants.

I later ended up meeting with my sister and her boyfriend, and I explained the whole situation.. They were upset with my pussy ways ofcourse; and Huy, (my sister's bf) being the blunt and straight up person he is, just went straight to the kiosk to get my money back.
The funny thing was that the woman that sold me the product wasn't even there! o-O
He just talked to another worker at the kiosk, and got my money back.
YES.

We later used that money on sushi! ^______^

After that, we went to Starbucks, and I got an iced caramel macchiato....
We went to Walmart,bought a whole load of sunflower seeds, and a pair of working shoes for my dad!
I also got a mustache from one of those quarter vending machines, heehee!
and then we ended the night at Asian Cuisine!
Enjoy the pictures.

Oh yeah! The eyelashes- My sister got them for me from her working place!

LOLOLOL Okay.
This picture because I wanted to give you guys a "visual"
While we were waiting for our food at the restraunt I asked :
"Hey, Where did my mustache go..?"
Ignoring weird glances from others in the restraunt, I looked all over my space in search of my precious mustache!
After a while, I pouted, and accepted the fact that I may have lost it forever......

Half an hour later into dinner, as my sister was brushing off salt that has fallen onto her lap, She felt something..... fuzzy?

MY MUSTACHE!!!
LOL we laughed so hard just imagining my sister walk into the restraunt with a mustache on her inner thigh..
I have no idea how it got there, but I have it now. :]

Extra pictures on my tumblr*
________________________________________________________________

Light me up, put me on top... Lets Fa la la la la la la..

2009-12-21T12:14:00.006-10:00

________________________________________________
12:20 pm
I'm going late Christmas shopping today at 6..
And right now I'm wondering around the tumblr world for inspiration-
for my new project!
I've only eaten waffles and pandesals so far because I want to save my appetite for BIC MAC SUPER SACK MONDAYS!!!
Teeehee.

Now back to the sewing project..
I'm hoping to finish it by today..
if not today, then by Wednesday or Thursday because I'm hanging out with some friends...

Here's the fabric I'm using... Isn't the design cute!?!

I'll post up some pictures tonight!<3

Oh and my Christmas tree is delicious.

____________________________________________________________________
12:50 pm

Alright so my sister and I always come up of weird "Iron Chef" scenarios...
You know that epic part where they reveal the secret ingredient?
LMAO

Aside from other weird ideas, one of the most ridiculous was this...

"The secret ingredient is...........
CHRISTMAS TREE!!!!"

LOL
I know it may not be THAT funny, but you had to be there when that came out.
It was just ridiculously funny.
Yeah, thought I'd share. :D

* goes back to sketching*
_________________________________________________________________

Finally finished my nails!~

2009-12-20T23:59:00.004-10:00

Wow...
I really underestimated this one...
After three hours of squinting, glueing, trimming and shaping, it was complete!

I bought plain short acrylic nails from Walmart- They were 6 dollars for a bunch!
After finding the right sizes for my nails I lightly glued the back of the nails to bobby pins so it would be much easier to work on and control!

I painted them platinum white, and did a glitter gradient look onto the nails, (You cant really see it in the picture, but in person it looks so much nicer! ^_^)

Since this is my first time trying out nail deco art, I used really cheap rhinestones, and tiny beads...
(You can get them at any craft store!)

I had an old necklace with tiny chains I cut apart to add onto my thumbs...

And to make sure everything is intact I glued each and every little cranny so it's peel proof! (hopefully)

I'll wear these tommorow when I go Christmas shopping, and I'll be sure to take pictures with them! :D
Thank you<3

Christmas Partay!

2009-12-20T23:20:00.011-10:00

________________________________________________
11:20 pm

Hello ! ^__^
So here are pictures from My dad's job's Christmas Party!
It's held at the Maui Beach Hotel every year where we dine in a private room, have a all you can eat buffet, and play games! Here are some pictures I took!<3

Long story short, The night was fun.<3

Hide your face forever. Dream and search forever.

2009-12-17T23:05:00.004-10:00

Hey you.

It's getting really old.

As for me,

A new year is going to start soon.
New rules, new motives, new everything.

I know, I know, this is an early New year's blog, but I want to do this now, while I still feel this way.

I am thankful for every heartbreak, and every bad incident that has happened this year.
Though it was not planned,
It came into my life to reveal another layer of myself.
The purpose of experiencing a hard time is having it shake you up,
tear apart your ego a little bit, and to show what your capable of.
It transforms your life.
And it has.

Let this be a warning to all of you.
No matter how bad my life looks like at it's lowest point; You will certainly not bring me down. Say whatever you want. It won't phase me.

Quite frankly, it fuels me. Your hate is motivating.
It's flattering to be important enough to be under your magnifying glass.
All of your failed attempts of trying to crack me.
Especially when I'm recovering from a recent downfall?
Give it up.
You have no idea.
It makes me work so much harder to wipe that fake grin off of your face.
It lets me make my dreams happen. So thank you.
Thank you for reminding me what a godawful person I was when I was young and weak. Thank you for making me feel like the smallest piece of walking flesh on earth when you mention the girl I was back then.
Thank you for never letting me forget who I was.
It makes me love the person I am today even more.
It’s given me a reason to build myself up and bring you down.
Thank you for making me realize that my dreams haven’t died.

I am going to revive those powerful feelings I had back in August.

And I want to try something new.
Taking a diffrent approach again;
but this time I won't let it off so easily.
You were lucky.

2010 will be an interesting year.
New year, New me.

Wow, tumblr is pretty fun.

2009-12-15T23:03:00.004-10:00

___________________________________________________

11:04 pm

Don't worry. :]

Alright, so I woke up this morning , ate waffles, and guess who called!?
Kevin!!
He called to check on my schedule to see if I was free today, and to make sure I had no plans..
Little did I know... (LOL)
Kevin was planning to surprise Lani and I for lunch at Wei weis!
YAY

I was so upset because I forgot my camera.. :[
And this was the only picture I took on my phone..

Too bad I wasn't that hungry...
And it sucks just thinking about it because I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
damit. brb.

________________________________________________________________-

AH HAH!

2009-12-14T23:37:00.002-10:00

_____________________________________________________
11:38 pm.
I BEAT THE TIME!
Alright, so heres a new update!
I couldnt fight my urges; so I decided to get a tumblr!
And No.
I am not abandoning my blogger.
This blogger will forever be my blogging home!

I decided to use tumblr for all the extra fun stuff I wouldnt post here!
The link to my tumblr is on the sidebar!
Enjoy.

______________________________________________________

I am pooped.

2009-12-13T01:35:00.019-10:00

_________________________________________________________

1:35 am.

Damit.
Since I'm blogging so late, it's going to show that I skipped a day...
I've been sleeping around three or four in the morning for this past week..
:[

Oh well.
Alot of things happened today.
Aswell as my change of thoughts...

So let's start shall we!?

Well,
I woke up around seven this morning because my sister wanted to use my laptop.
I was suppose to wake up early anyway, but being the sloth I am, I told myself I'll stay in bed for half an hour more.....

__________________________________________________________________________
11:31 pm

LOL
Okay so I got distracted.
And I was really tired so I just went to bed... lmao sorry about that!
I was home with my parentals cleaning all day!
We moved some furniture around so we can make room for a Christmas tree.
And to clean up the house for any unplanned Christmas family visits!
Anyhow, allow me to finish yesterday's blog!

.....

I arrived at the dentist around 9:45 am...
To be honest, I don't like going to the dentist...
Who likes their mouths open for long periods of time..?
Having cold tools work into your oral cavity...
With that heavy fluoride smell you can't escape from...
Not to mention how embarrassing it is for me and my sister to still be going to a children's dentistry!

Sitting in waiting rooms with "Winnie the pooh" stickers on the wall, and children ranging from ages 5- 12 sitting around you..
LOL damn.

Maui is so small that I know the dental assistants.
Most of them are alumni's of my high school, or people I just know of from friends..
And I just find it to be awkward and cumbersome for me to see them around..
Just knowing that they know the ins and outs of my mouth...
But I shouldn't worry so much about it, because they're just doing their jobs... right?

Right.
Well here are the free stuff they give to you!
(toothpaste, dental floss, toothbrush)
I wear a headband like that at home to keep my bangs out of my eyes :D

Oh! Yesterday was also my parent's marriage anniversary! (I think it was their 24th)
And guess where we ate for lunch!?
KFC!!!!!!!

OH YEAH.

Everyone knows that KFC stands for "Krizko's favorite chicken"
TEEHEE.

I also found it really cute because there was this old couple sitting behind my parents... I just find old people really cute, LOL.
That's another weird fact about me..
They remind me of big babies.

When you smile at them, they give you that warm smile back..
That wise "been there, done that," smile...
As if they know what's in store for you?
I just love the elderly, period.
Which reminds me!
[STORY TIME!]
About this one time where I rode the bus, and as an old man was standing up to get ready for his stop, his pouch fell off his lap, and all of his coins poured out and fell onto the bus floor.

I was sitting all the way in the back ,and I was shocked to see that no one was getting up to help him pick up his money!!
He was about to get on his knees to clean up this unfortunate mess.
It wasn't long before I quickly got to the front to help him,
seeing people glance at me with embarrassment because they were probably too timid to help him out.
Right when he got off, he told me to keep all of the coins I picked up.
Refusing to take them,he just smiled and walked off...
With a handful of coins I slowly walked back to my seat.
Some heads were turned to windows, and others grinned at me;
I just sat down and felt really great.
Twas a nice feeling.
Ive never used those coins till this day!

- Okay back to the blog!
When I finished eating, I wrapped my chicken bones and leftovers in napkins and stuffed them in my bag,
HEEHEE.
I always do this.
It's for my kitties! ^___^

Oh and yay for mashed potato hearts.

After KFC, Me and my mum dropped my dad off at the clinic, and we went shopping!
Shopping for my dad's job's infamous Christmas party.
I'm always excited for this.
I'll tell you guys about it this weekend, because that's when it is!

I bought two dresses.
A dark red floral dress, and a light colored floral dress with the same size and shape!
I'm wearing the red one for the Christmas party, and the white one-
I just always wanted an innocent looking dress....
It makes me feel like a virgin.
LOLOLOLOL
No, but seriously,
I just want to run through a field of flowers with this dress on.

Okay lets fast forward to around 6pm where I got ready for dinner!
I had a little photo session!
I later changed into jeans because I felt that these shorts wouldn't look so flattering if I'm planning to to eat a whole lot. >=D

We got to Dragon Dragon around 7 pm..
We ordered Fried rice, Eggflower soup, Honey walnut prawns, Mushrooms in black sauce, Famous lemon chicken, Beef and broccoli, Opakapaka fish and a seafood sizzling plate!

When we finished our soups, the waiter grabbed everyone's bowls except MINES!
I don't understand why.

LOLOLOL

Alright, It's already 3 am!
Next time I shouldn't be on aim while I'm trying to blog.. there's too much people instant messaging me right now.. And I'm on invisible!
After dinner we went to Walmart, and I bought lashes, pure acetone, and face wash.
Tadah!~

I know I don't need to use fake eyelashes,
but they come handy when i'm too lazy to put on any eye makeup..
Heres a picture I took earlier in the day, with out fake lashes..
Theyr'e pretty decent eh?

Ask me an anonymous question.

2009-12-11T20:21:00.015-10:00

_________________________________________________________________
4:22 pm

Hello again! ^__^
I got this "Formsprings" widget on the side bar below my Poll!
Please ask me any questions. Serious or not. ;]
You can be anonymous of course, OR leave your user info as well.

I'll post your questions and my answers to them on my posts!
Hopefully this will be fun. :3
________________________________________________________________

8:27 pm

If you guys are wondering why I'm always eating noodles, it's because it's not just plain ol'Ramen and seasoned soup!
I add fried bean curd, cabbagge, egg yolks, and green onions!
And I could eat this everyday.
Infact, I HAVE been, LOL.

I need to buy some chili oil.
This is so yummy and fullfilling ; I think I'm going to eat this now..

___________________________________________________________________

8:43 pm.

Btw!

Remember this old photo of my attempt with nail art?
Now that I look back at it, I really liked the colors, and I've decided to re-do this one!
On fake Acrylic nails!
Oh, and I also promise I wont pick or peel them this time..
Well atleast not before I take a picture of the finished look!
It's just so fun..
I don't know if it's just me, but I like to peel scabs...
Or just anything peelable!
It's a bad habit, I know. :[
But, wish me luck!<3

_______________________________________________________________

10:09 pm

Hello again! ^__^
Wow I didn't expect to get questions in this soon!
Thank you guys for participating!
I really appreciate it <3

[Form Spring: Your questions, My answers.]

"You live in Hawaii, correct? now how is life out there compared to say city life? or you haven't really experienced that yet..?"

Hi!
Correct.
Maui to be exact.
No, I havn't really lived in a city, but I have visited other city-like areas and countries!
And I can say that the Hawaii life is pretty "cruise" or care-free?
Sometimes I feel like this small island is a dead end, because there aren't very much oppurtunities here.
It is indeed insanely beautiful and peaceful, but there's not much to do..
Other than that, I'm pretty content with life here. <3

" I am completely bummed out about imeem as well. I kept going to the site and it kept bringing me to the myspace page.. it took a while for it to sink in, but it eventually did. What music free playlist site are you going to use now? would Loudfusion.com be an option you would consider?"

Yeah I know. :[
It's so sad.
I really hope its just temporary, it hasn't even sunk in for me yet...
Btw, I just checked that site out, and Thank you!
I will consider using this! :D
I've just been using Pandora.com
Its an online radio that plays music that you like..
If you havn't yet, you should check it out! <3

"Why don't you blog on Tumblr?? I would follow you!@"

Actually, just recently I almost ditched Blogger for Tumblr! But I thought about it really hard, and I refused.
Tumblr looks so much more cleaner and "fresher", and is most definitely the new blogging craze right now, but I love my Blogger!
I do love exploring the Tumblr world, because of all the interesting quotes and pictures though.

I just can't leave Blogger.
I love my blogging home the way it is! ^__^

Damit these websites.

2009-12-10T21:31:00.006-10:00

_______________________________________________
9:33 pm.

As if Imeem's disappearance wasn't enough, Mixpod.com can no longer stream audio without showing full videos that were hosted from Youtube.

Brb everyone!<3

_______________________________________________

1:53 am

Oh hi. Good morning.
I'm about to head to bed!
Like the new music player..?
I had to adjust the player so you don't see an annoying video playing, your welcome.

.....

I'm still a bit bummed with what happened to Imeem.com.
And I'm sure others others are furious about it too.
There were thousands of great play lists, and music collections hosted on this site.
And there were several play lists that helped and eased me during "hard times"
Not to mention this Yiruma play list that Shadow grew up with..

When I was given Shadow, I hand fed her with baby kitten formula milk, and a bottle for a few weeks because her mother died.
I remember getting her during one of my breakups,
and I'd stay up in my room feeding her warm milk,
Because I, myself had a hard time sleeping at the time..

This playlist was special because the order of songs just flowed so perfectly.
By the time the song: "What beautiful stars" came along, that's when She would always fall asleep.
And then I'd just watch her.

I always thought to myself, and felt hopeful,
because even though Shadow's family was taken away from her,
She's safe now.
With me!
It was a really nice feeling knowing that.
That your'e important to someone.
Even if it's just a kitten..

Then soon, I fell asleep too.

Imeem should have atleast warned it's users about it's bankruptcy so that we could atleast save the playlists...

Myspace ended up buying the site.
And everything vanished.
I hope that it's just temporary, sadface.
I want imeem back!
...

Goodnight everyone!<3

I love my sister.

2009-12-09T11:55:00.008-10:00

___________________________________________
11:55 am

I woke up this morning around 10:50 am from text message vibrations coming from under my pillow...
Who would be texting me so early!!?
Destroying my daily ritual of waking up, staring at the wall for an hour, and even my masturbation time!?!
.....

My sister.

*checks phone*
Oh lawd.

3 New messages.

She's been trying to get a hold of me since 8 this morning!

Text message: " check your face book, foo!" - 8:58 am
2nd text message: "call mee when you're ready, make sure u get you chores done by then!" - 10:25 am
3rd text message: "kimjaramillo.blogspot.com" - 10:26 am

So I got up quickly to check my facebook, and she left me the sweetest comment!

"Kimberly Jaramillo-
bitch, wake up! im picking you up today so you can be my sidekick at the mall! we're gonna take down the crazy sales and restore happiness in our closets !

be ready by 2pm. wear something casual and cute ^.^

oh, and im in the process of birthing out a new blogg -and you're in it, bwahahahaha !"

YAY!
And this is what she wrote about me in her blog:

"6) went home to find my sister in her usual: hair up, headband on, glasses with the missing lens on one side, blue spandex shorts, and white cami exposing her nipples :| and her trusty Shadow next to her watching me. I put my bags down, grab her (Im talking about Shadow, of course) and smother her till she hissed like Edward Cullen, ha. Kryzko (sister) immediately follows me like a lost puppy asking, “What are you doing here? Are you off? Where you going now???” … then she tells me to go outside to look at the *new pet daddy got us in the backyard. (wtf? Is ten cats, a pond of fish, and a turtle somewhere in our backyard not enough?!) but instead, she takes me to a caged bonzai tree ? Apparently, my dad took home ANOTHER jackson chameleon from his workplace and spent his whole day yesterday making a cage with large holes :/ hehe, poor daddy. it’s the thought that counts, eh? … anyway, I went back upstairs and got ready for a couple of hours...."

LOLOLOL

okay okay.
I still havn't cleaned or gotten ready, and its already 12.
SHIT.
I'll explain things later when I come home.
Have a nice day everyone!<3

________________________________________________________
12:29 pm

[Re-edit!]
See the link below for more of our humor that I oh so love!
Just thought I should share. :3

http://krizkoblog.blogspot.com/2009/11/oh-and-look-what-i-found-today.html

_____________________________________________________

7:42 pm

Alright hello again!
Just got home.
And I cannot believe what just happened to me.

I just finished rinsing off my legs with water and antibacterial soap in the bathroom sink lmao.
Which btw, made me feel like a porn star climbing up this pretty high pedestal...
Only because I was all dolled up in a cute dress, and I just felt pretty sexy today ;] TEEHEE.
Anyways... As I was saying... [haha]

When I got home, I walked to the back of my house to greet my kitties.
I knealed to the grass to pet and play with the furry little angels they are and this is when it happened..
There was one particular cat out of the bunch that turned around and shot/sprayed me with it's PISS!
Was this cat marking it's territory; on ME!?!
This is probably the fourth time I've had a feline spray it's pheromones onto my body.
I know cats spray or "mark" their territory to claim what belongs to them....
Does that mean my cat just wanted to warn other fellow cats that I was it's property
!?!
What a selfish pussy.

......
............

*20 minutes later*

OH MY GAWD.
So I just finished googling once again, and TADAH!~
I'm not alone... again.

[click to enlarge]

And the question was:

"WHY IS MY CAT SPRAYING ME???!?!?!?!?!?!?
we have 5 cats. we are fostering a kitten until we can find a home for her. we have had her for 2 days and the second day one of my cats Jester decided that he should go ahead and spray me...TWICE IN THE SAME DAY!....if its because of the new foster kitten then i dont understand it because we got our youngest kitten Roxie and our other kitten yoda after finding Jester and he NEVER did this with her.....no he's not fixed yet but he will be soon thanks to the Big Fix program here in AZ.... but still, he's never sprayed ME before...its disgusting and obviously smells horrible!"

And here are a few anonymous answers ...

"He sees you as HIS territory, therefore he is marking you. Showing the rest of the cats that he OWNS you. Hah."

"Hun, I feel for you. My cat did the same thing to me. It's a cats way of saying that "You belong to me" or "This Object belongs to me". It's a cat's way of marking his territory and telling other cats to back off. Hehe, not only has my male cat sprayed Me...3 times... but he also sprayed one of the female cats...THAT HE BROUGHT HOME. Cats are strange, but funny at times, but we love them anyway. By the way, even if you have him fixed, that doesn't mean he'll stop...mine didn't -_-`"

"He hates you."

LMAO.
Okay enough with that.
Imagine if humans did this.

.......

I would approve.

_______________________________________________________
10:33 pm

Oh! I almost forgot.
Going to the mall with my sister today was fun.
Surprisingly we did more brainstorming for gifts rather than shopping for ourselves.
She asked if I wanted anything, but I wasn't really interested in any clothes..
We just spent more money on food and drinks.

I don't feel like going into much detail, but here is a picture of 2 things I brought home! Heehee

I love love love "Green Machine" Naked Juice.
And the little black graph book because Ive always wanted a tiny pocket sized book where I can doodle and write in. ^_____^
(Well I had a few in the past, but they weren't cute and small like this one! :D)

Bye! :D

TEEHEE

2009-12-09T01:31:00.003-10:00

_______________________________________________
1:31 am.
........

[Re-edit]
_______________________________________________

1:42 am.

I feel...... fine.

I just came back from the bathroom.
I eagerly sat down, and I felt like writing something really special.

But, I couldn't help but be bothered by my need to pee.
And since I didnt want anything to be interrupting my writing time..
I left my room to do just that.

The cold air followed me to the bathroom and as I walked toward the toilet, I couldnt help but glance at the mirror, making a self note to wash my face.

I sat on the cold seat, and looked down.
Watching my fluids leave my body..
.....

Have you ever played with paint before?
Don't you remember..?
Dipping a slightly soaked paintbrush in bright red paint, and letting it drop into a clear glass of water...
Watching it's solid color pierce through the glass-like liquid barrier, and seeing it spiral and twirl, and slowly fade away...

That's exactly what it's like watching yourself do this.

..........

I rinsed my face, patted it dry with a towel and glanced at the mirror again.
My nose..
It is so shiny!
I poked it with my pointer finger in disbelief to check if it was still human flesh.. and not plastic... or porcelain?
I laughed at myself and headed back to my room.

Now here I am.
Sitting on the pillow I purposely put on my wooden chair
because I am too lazy to sit up.
I still can smell the sweet cocoa butter cream I rubbed all over my body...
My attempt to fade away my scars...

Including the lines I have on my tummy for slouching.

My body feels so much warmer..
This cream has some kind of oil base, and maybe it's circulating the heat my body is giving off?
Maybe.

I just remembered.
When I sat on the toilet, I thought to myself;
What would life be like if we didn't need to use the bathroom?
...
Or sleep?
They say we spend the majority of our life sleeping.
What would life be like..?

Would that mean we may be more wiser?
What would people be doing during the time we are usually asleep?

Here's another one.
What if we didnt need to eat?

Oh right.
We wouldnt grow.

Life wouldnt be very precious if we didnt have to sleep.

Because when we sleep, we dream.
(Well the most of us.)
And when we wake up, it's a new day.

Right..?

That's what I'm going to do right now.

I'm going to sleep.

Maybe I'm going to dream about that pregnant man I keep seeing in my dreams.

I miss him. Hehe.

Well, Goodnight everyone.<3

_______________________________________________
2:53 am

Oh Hi.
I see that youv'e stumbled onto my blog because of Facebook.
Goodnight to you too.<3

Day off.

2009-12-07T20:49:00.016-10:00

____________________________
6:34 pm

It was my parents day off today, and I just found it really nice waking up to them asking me If I could make them udon noodles. LOL
And so I did.
And something really heart warming happened, Let me explain.

After I added the eggs with the noodles, I covered it with a clear lid, set the stove on simmer, and ran off outside to go grab some green onions.
30 seconds later, I come back and the pot is overflowing and spilling onto the stove! LOLOL
Since my dad is really strict about keeping our new stove clean,
I frantically tried wiping it, but it has already been cooked onto the surface, and left a gross brown looking stain around the pot. :[
And right before I could clean up the evidence-
My dad walked into the kitchen..
*DUN DUN DUN!*

Looking at my "OH SHI-" expression on my face, I quickly murmurred that I'd clean it, and he just smiled and grabbed a bowl.

And that's it.
I dont know, hehe I just felt really pleased because thats how much of a good mood my dad was in today!
After his fathers death, and a whole lot of other problems that arose, my dad has been really stressed about alot of things..
And now, Everythings falling into place, and it's just really nice to see my dad happy.
We also have extra money now that we have people renting our studio!
Maybe it's just the holiday spirit...
Nonetheless! December is pretty great so far. :]

___________________________________________________
8:10 pm

One thing that annoys me are people who hide and sugarcoat the cold truth with optimism.
Being optimistic is a good thing to an extent.
But when people use it to make you feel "higher" or better than others,
Encouraging them to not listen to any negatives at all,
And just believing that people say hurtful things only because they may hate you?
Or feel jealous..? - It's being ignorant.

If you make a big deal out of something, you are attracting a big crowd of opinions whether it be good or bad.

And when people say hurtful or offensive comments, either be honest and tell them, or just simply ignore it.

Don't push people away and play off innocent.

.......................

Sigh* I'm going to go change my bloody pad now, kthx.
[And Yes, I am on my period.
As much as I hate to use this reason to be the cause of my raging hormones;
Let this be a warning to you.
That you will be seeing emotional/vent posts during this time.]

______________________________________________

9:47 pm

OH YEAH,

Btw I finally uploaded the video from the County Fair!
I miss this woman.
And enjoy our mating calls.
*especially mines.
LOLOL

[Don't forget to pause my yoga music]

Original Video- More videos at TinyPic

Oh and this video because Shadow still refuses to fight cats her size. lmao.

_____________________________________________
1:19 am

Oh, here we go again.
I don't even know what to say right now...
All I got to say is!
....
Catch me when you need me.

Sunday= Cleaning day!

2009-12-06T14:32:00.002-10:00

_________________________
2:33 pm.

Sundays for me, are cleaning days.
Hardcore cleaning.
Every nook and cranny will be as clean as a whistle.
I windex everything, vacuum shadows pubes, organize my work area, etc etc!
I also clean out my computer of any useless files..
Its pretty fun, and the weather right now is perfect for it.
Brb!

__________________________________

Yummy in my Tummy.

2009-12-06T02:09:00.005-10:00

_______________________________________________
2:11 am

Om nom nom nom!

Here are a couple of foods that made me happy today!
Well technically yesterday!

Oh what to say, what to say..

2009-12-04T15:32:00.008-10:00

_________________________________________
3:55 pm
Here I am again blogging...
On yet another chilly rainy day....
What's on my mind right now?
I'm really not sure.
I just feel like blogging...
I just feel like I need to type out my thoughts.
It's weird.
Even if the things I talk about arent very significant,
I feel like I need to let out these thoughts to get a hold of my mind..
I wonder if anyone even cares about my blogs...
Hah!
I'll make a poll.
I'm also watching this cute anime called "Strawberry Panic".
Ive always wondered what it would be like going to an all-girls school.
What else.... What else.

Oh, my kittens are really weird.
I went outside and they were sleeping in the rain.
Hahaha. Yeah I know.
This blog isnt very interesting.
I'll be back later!
*Goes outside to grab Shadow* ______________________________________________________________
4:24 pm
I was doodling lastnight..
While my sister was hogging my laptop,
I was in the corner giggling about what I was drawing...
I dont know why, But I have some weird fascination with pregnant woman....
Just knowing that there is this little "miracle" growing inside of you.
But, the one thing I find more fascinating than pregant woman, is...
Pregnant men.
LOL Dont judge me,
but I've had multiple weird dreams of this scrawny pregnant man,
And seems as if hes forever pregnant!?!
Or maybe he could be just like my dad.
My dad is skinny, but he has a big belly.

It kind of reminds me of those poor malnourished children you see on television...
They say its because their bellies are full of worms..?
OMG Okay I know what to draw next.
Hahaha.. Anyways, enjoy the one I have here! Oh and Shadow is a Meerkat Wannabe.
lmao, its just that she can stand on her two feet for way too long..
Trust me she can stand for a LONG time, this footage is just the beginning.

Spicy Food = Spicy Poop.

2009-12-03T12:33:00.002-10:00

___________________________________
9:24 am
Good Morning Everyone!
ROFL.
I just deleted a long paragraph of me complaining about my fast metabolism, and how I poop so fast.
After reading it, I felt a bit grossed out and decided it wouldnt be a great idea to post it. lmao
All I need to say is.... My metabolism sucks.
I've just started to put myself on a weight gain diet!
It is fun. I know.

*Makes a peanut butter and jelly sandwich*
_____________________________________

December 1st!

2009-12-01T16:52:00.002-10:00

___________________________________________
5:01 pm
Oh man.
I love the holiday spirit feeling!
It is time to give back to all of you. :]

NOOOOOOOO >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

2009-11-30T21:32:00.003-10:00

_________________________________________
9:33 pm
All the pictures ive hosted on tinypic got moved -_-
Ill fix it later!

_________________________________________

Bestfriends.

2009-11-28T23:39:00.005-10:00

____________________________________________
11:44 pm
I've said many times in the past.
That I didnt believe in bestfriends!
I was wrong.
I guess I went through this phase where I felt like I didnt need any?
(How stupid.)
Ive recently been through a really tough time in my life where I felt like there couldn't be anything in the world that could makes things feel... okay?

I also kept my distance with people.
Because I didnt want to hurt anyone anymore.
I still do this to some extent... To boys ofcourse.
But thats a diffrent story.
....

All in all,

I hung out with Ericka, Lea, and Alickz today!
And we pretty much updated each other.. Had a cry seshion too! xD
Well...just me.

I dont want to go too much into detail,
But all I need to say is that... I need them.
I really do.
We could be away from each other, but we always reunite, and nothing ever changes.
We bond even closer too!
I'm really thankful for today. <3

__________________________________________________
12:08 pm

Btw,
I havnt really had the chance to say this, but!
Thank you Leigh for the kind shout out!
Although we havnt met yet, someday WE WILL. :3
You are like my internet bestfriend. LOL
<33333
[1:55]

____________________________________________________________
12:10
Hahahaha... This has turned into a Friend Appreciation blog. lmao

Vi!
I never really truely showed how much I appreciate all the little things you do for me... For example, how much I adore this drawing youve done of me and shadow..
I always look at it... lolol
Just thought I'd let you know... lmao.

That and, how we have the most interesting internet "times"
Sending each other links and links of endless fun
Vent sessions about boys, and stupid woman....
You can move to another island, but the internets will always stay!
<3

__________________________________________________________

12:24

I'm so sad because I just realized all of people I just listed above dont live here anymore. sadface.

Thanksgiving Agenda

2009-11-25T15:29:00.006-10:00

Haha my sister being the organized responsible person she is, She created a Thanksgiving agenda, and sent this to me through Myspace! Thought I'd share. :D
Iv'e been waiting for this day!
Every year we have all of our cousins and relatives over to celebrate a huge Thanksgiving at our house. So it's always a big thing for me hehe.

1. potluck-KFC bucket [hahaha This is just something she wants to bring]

2. desserts-Kryzkos pie [My luscious banana cream pie! :D]

3. appetizers- Kimbys' baked mussels

4. décor

-orange, green, and brown color theme

-Christmas decorations (lights, wreath, stockings)

-Thanksgiving plates, napkins, and cups

-music and movie (Star Trek,The Ugly Truth)

AGEND0

Morning-2pm: clean and prep decorations

-clean kitchen, dining room, living room, bathroom

-set up Christmas decorations (stockings, wreath, table pieces)

-prep entertainment (music and movies)

2-4pm: grocery shopping ($80 SPENDING BUDGET)

-KFC (open till 4pm) mixed bucket ($20)

-Safeway (open till 6pm): baked mussels, kryzkos pie ingredients, mommys ingredients ($50 BUDGET)

-Walmart(open 24hrs): Holiday door wreath, Thanksgiving utensils ($15 BUDGET)

-huy's pork and peas takeout?? [LOOL Huy and his need for filipino dishes]

4-6pm: cook and prep!!!

-save KFC (rebake later and throw in bucket again)

-prep & bake mussels at huys house

-go home and finish prepping (huy brings DVD)
6pm-7pm: shower, get dressed, and PARTAY :D Gobble-Gobble!!

Another wonderful morning!

2009-11-25T09:46:00.004-10:00

____________________________________________________
9:22 am
It rained early this morning, and now its dark cold and cloudy, and I LOVE it.
Brb everyone. Going to make some coffee and breakfast! :D

_____________________________________________________
10:10 am
hahah Note to self.
It is very comfortable and fun to walk around the house in your undies.
I find what I am doing- It's very amusing.
Its only me and Shadow home!
She's eating my leftover scrambled eggs right now. xD
brb again!
__________________________________________

Heart Shaped Gum.

2009-11-24T11:05:00.003-10:00

___________________________________
10:32 am
One of the first things I saw this morning- sitting on my Milky Way bar. :]
As I awoke, the air was cold, including the sole of my left foot!
The lemonade bottle was there laying on its side. My sheets below were slightly cold and wet.
And my feet felt so soft and good when I rolled my socks off!
I love that feeling.
You know, when you sleep with your socks on?

I usually lie in bed for a long time before I actually get up, But I could hear Shadow's needy meows echoing in the halls!
Has my sister Kim left for work ?
And has forgotten to put this cat outside again..?
I wasnt sure, but I ended up calling for Shadow, holding in my morning pee.
Already being near the bathroom, I went and sat on the toilet, squishing my toes into the furry bath mat....
I smiled.
Then there she was!
Walking toward me.
I happily said "Good Morning Shadoowwww!"
And she just stared at me.
With those glassy yellowish-green eyes.
Sometimes, when cats do this, I feel like we're connecting.
Then She just ruins our moment and starts licking herself.

*Stretches*
I'm going to make some breakfast.
___________________________________________________________________

My nipples hurt.

2009-11-22T21:13:00.003-10:00

___________________________________________
9:14 pm
I think that time of the month is coming.
Maybe that explains all of my emotional recent posts...lololol
Im heading to bed early! I want to have a good start tommorow.
Goodnight everyone!<3

He was cool.

2009-11-20T09:42:00.002-10:00

_____________________________________
9:22 am
That is the name of the movie I was just watching earlier!
Im in a really good mood right now because its cold and rainy!
Then again, watching this Korean movie made me feel really lonely.. LOL
And also made me wish I was living in a country.
You know... Just that lifestyle where alot of unexpected things may happen..
Exciting new things! New faces, and just everything else in general.
Imagine this.
Living home in your own apartment, and you decide to order some takeout.
Ding! Dong! The door bell rings and the delivery man in uniform and all is at your door. Handsome, fit, ... and wet. From the rain ofcourse.
LOLOL
cmon doesnt that sound exciting.
Besides wanting to live somewhere far far away.....

I miss all the affectionate stuff!
I think I may be romantically challenged.
I'm just so used to being into relationship after relationship, and I always feel like I need to share my love with someone lolol

Sometimes I wish I had some kind of cute neighbor girl that I could do all the cutesy stuff with.. LOOL
I cant believe I just said that, I think I'm just confused....
damn.
I don't even know what i'm saying anymore...hahah
I'm going to stop blabbling away now. Be back later! :D
______________________________

But thats okay with me.

2009-11-19T13:58:00.004-10:00

2:00 pm
_________________
Hm. Im so mad at this bipolar weather...
I was really excited for a cold and rainy week!
Besides the bipolar weather, I really need to buy pure acetone to remove these acrylic nails, and motor oil for my sewing machine!! And another thing! I'm pretty upset that one of my close friends are leaving the island... sadface. sadface. sadface.

Who else am I going to have weird conversations with!?
Someone that can be brutally blunt and honest to shu away creeps and perverted old men!!?
........
hahaha
I feel like we just started to get real close... :/
I know I always say I dont believe in that word "bestfriend" or say I even have any, but She's the closest thing I got to one!
Sigh, I guess its not so bad... Its only to another island...
And She'll come to visit on holidays and such.
WHY VI!?!! WHY!
Anywho! I'll be back, I'm stalling to avoid some house chores.
lololololol
___________________

4:25 pm

DAMN that was some hardcore house cleaning... Im all sweaty and about to jump into the shower!
Something really funny happened though.
Alright, so when I vacuum, I sing and dance around, I just pretty much go crazy because I don't think anyone can hear or see me...hehe
And little did I know!!
There were people standing up my sandhill!! Just there. Drinking soda and watching me.
I dont even know how long they were there..
........
........
.......
Well!

Here is yet another video to show how much of a good and loving pet owner I am.

I cant believe I actually went "NYAAHAHAHAHAH!!!!"

EDITING BLOGSPOT

2009-11-18T18:07:00.002-10:00

CBOX and everything else will be back! Just experimenting with templates!<3

Wednesdays..

2009-11-18T10:28:00.002-10:00

Wednesdays feel so lonely when it rains like this.
I even went looking for Shadow so Id have some company!
So here She is, Taking advantage of the heat my laptop is giving off.
I made some coffee too.
I'm pretty bummed because I didnt wake up as early as I'd like too..
I couldnt sleep lastnight.
I was up listening to trance/Ambient music, dropping dingles and duds on OMGPOP..
Oh, and it was also nice to rekindle some abandoned fires..
I really did appreciate it ^-^
Made me feel so much better.
I just wish I had a really close friend that would just come over and keep me company!
That would be really nice.

I'm usually home alone on weekdays, but Wednesdays and Thursdays, EVERYONE in this house is gone.
Well... I think.
It's just too quiet.

*takes another sip of coffee*

I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS WEATHER!

2009-11-16T15:09:00.007-10:00

Hello blog.
Today is Monday, and I woke up at 5 AM.
I KNOW. :O
I wanted to wake up early because I hate that feeling of waking up really late!
I feel like I wasted so much time sleeping in, when I could of done something productive. >-<

This morning I cooked noodles and drank coffee while I watched Spongebob Square Pants.
To his surprise, my dad awoke and joined me and Shadow to finish up his usual breakfast- Pandesals and coffee!
Then! After fighting with my sister about her still not wanting to give back the laptop, I went into my room and stretched.
I was so angry with her... lmao
So I ended up drawing, and sewing things.
I was pretty glad my sister was being a selfish angry troll, because this morning I realized how time consuming this darn laptop is!
I drew a couple of sketches, gained more sewing experience by experimenting with elastic, painted a shirt, all in a matter of hours!

I'm so proud of myself!
I've been thinking about doing this only every weekday. :D
Waking up real early..
It really feels nice to have an early start.
_____________________________________________________________
9:30 pm

Shit I slept way too early!.
I just took a nap around 6 something, and I woke up because Shadow was trying to catch a bug on my bulliten board...
Hopefully I dont sleep to late. :[
I also am feeling a bit... I dont know.
I just want you to realize how much you appreciate me.

That and,
...
I'm just scared.
Why do I do this?
When I get really hurt, I just disappear.
Not to run away.
........

When I disappear, Can you hear me..?

Disappearing into a sad silence..
Do you wonder?
Does something feel missing?

____________________________________________________

I DO believe all of the things you say to me.

And I do appreciate you making the efforts to let me know these things.
I believe that your feelings are honest, and thats it.

Dont you wonder why people dont think youre honest with them?
Words alone arent enough.
Do you understand that?
It may for awhile, but actions should follow.
Anyone can feel things, but a simple act can prove so much more.
Because its you. Youre putting yourself out there.

The way it was when I last saw you,
You of all people should already know I'm a very observant person.
I notice all of these things.
And dont say you dont know what I'm talking about.
Avoiding the usual routine.
And just how you went off as if nothing was wrong.. or changed?
I feel like youre lying to me.
As if youre trying , or making it seem like youre someone you are not anymore.
THAT is not being fully honest.

You may feel the same way, but your plans and desires are diffrent.
Prove me wrong.

My life path number!

2009-11-15T00:20:00.002-10:00

Your Life Path Number: 3
Life Path Number 3: The Twins

If you were born with a Life Path Number 3, your friends probably know you as a life-loving, creative, and sparkling personality.

All of these things are true: the Life Path Number 3 is born for pleasure, inventiveness, and living life to the full. You love to connect with people, whether face-to-face (you are probably the life and soul of any party) or through your creative medium: many Life Path Number 3s are writers, painters, broadcasters or orators.

It is not just your ability to entertain that makes you so lovable though. You are one of the worlds listeners as well. You don't pretend to be interested until it is your turn to speak - you are genuinely intrigued by most people and believe everyone has a fascinating story to tell. You probably break some hearts though, when you hear a fascinating story, absorb and digest it, then flutter off to the next person without looking back.

Money is not a great concern to those born with a Life Path Number 3. You are happy to spend it if you have it (probably on those you love) and are unconcerned if you are broke. After all, life is wonderful and there will always be more cash around the next corner. The amazing thing is that this seems to be exactly how it works out for those born under the 3 - something always turns up.

Life Path Number 3 has another face too, one that you know about but your friends would be very surprised to discover: you are easily hurt and, even if you are feeling fine, can retreat from the world at a moment's notice. Sometimes this is to simply recharge your batteries and other times it is to brood over a deep wound that only you can see.

Finding balance is the biggest challenge for you. You hate to be trapped in a routine and will often jump into an undesirable situation simply for the sake of change. Try to think more carefully before you quit your job, or catch a plane to Kathmandu - even though thinking things through can feel like a prison, it might
save you some heartache from time to time.

And My horoscope for today<3
Sunday, Nov 15th, 2009 -- Even if you think that your life is heading in the right direction these days, you're also aware that your foundations are not as stable as you thought. Your first reaction may be to fearfully hold on to what you have, but if you are too inflexible, you could miss a significant opportunity for growth. What seems like a loss could actually be a way to make room for the gains ahead. Move forward with optimism instead of trying to navigate by looking in your rearview mirror.

Who Am I to say....?

2009-11-14T14:31:00.002-10:00

I Don't know anything, at all.
Who Am I to Say..... You need me?

Saturday morning!

2009-11-14T12:08:00.005-10:00

Gooood morning Sweetheart, would you like some cream with your coffee?

Saturday, Nov 14th, 2009 -- You can make a very practical decision today that has profound consequences, yet others might not see the logic to your choice. It may seem as if you are being impulsive now, but you have been seriously thinking about your situation for a while, unable to tip the scales one way or the other. Don't worry if your uncertainty returns, for this is all part of an ongoing process