Tapioca pudding

__________________________________________________________
12:53 am

Tapioca pudding on my tongue...
If only semen tasted like tapioca pudding.. .. .... .... . . ..
Well. I sure was emotional this weekend.
Maybe it's because i'm getting my period soon?
I've never felt so depressed and unhappy like that though.
I cried hard.. digging my face into my pillow to groan and scream.
I've never cried to the point where it was hard to see.
Not eyes so blurry with tears, (I actually think everything looks pretty that way)
but because I swelled up so much.
They still are, but it's getting better!
Sigh. \
I need to man up.
"Stiffen up that upper lip."
I have too many reasons to not be "unhappy"
I always think about all the people that could have it worse,
Or at all the things I have.
I have a loving supporting family,And even though I haven't met many of you out there,
All of you are still living breathing humans behind a computer screen.
Just like me. Reading texts, viewing pictures, clicking anything and everything that pleases the eye..
I appreciate all of the support I've been given. I really do.
I read everything, every positive kind comment given, it gives me temporary happy feelings, LOL
but really.

I've been doing a lot of thinking. About what I want. Who I am. Who I want to be. Where I want to go. And I realized.. That I need to stop trying to manipulate my life. I am in control of what I do. And that's it.
I am going to stop trying to make every single thing go my way. I'm learning to take life as it comes at me. Even if a lot of things seem like I'm at the right place at the wrong time, I will make the best of it. I've been given the most amazing family, a good home, the best of friends, a passion (art),... and now it's my job to turn what I've been given into something. And I realized, that I need only one person in my life to do that. And that's me.
Tonight I thought. What do I want to be remembered for when I die? Do I want to be that girl everyone loved? Or do I want to be the girl everyone looked up to? The one they admired? Who do I want to be? Or rather... Who am I?
I'm Krystle. :)
I am a strong girl. And sure, I may not have been through the things some of you have.. but what I have been through has hurt too, and it has affected me.
These things tore me apart. I became weak.
I lost nearly everything. And I will never get it back.
These friends, these people around me, In 10 years they wont mean a thing.
No one will give a shit about what you did.
What's going to matter is how you progressed from it.
I'm going to stop dwelling on my past. I need to accept my childhood, I need to stop picking at myself for that.
I'm going to take a different approach to this.
I want to be happy.