So,

____________________________________
10:29 pm

So I finished cleaning my room, I just need to vacuum up all the hair and pubes embedded into my carpet, and then I'm done.
Lately I've been catching myself giggling, or grinning.
Because when I think about how ridiculously in love I was with you, it humors me.
I would file my nails down so my claws won't hurt you, ignoring my self wants to put on acrylic nails, and decorating them. Which by the way, I need to work on a new set!
I would save certain garments of comfortable semi sleep clothes, for when I'd see you, these were my most comfiest and my favorite garments to sleep in with,
I would save them.
Sometimes I wouldn't wash my pillow cases until your scent worn out.
Leaving you sweet texts the next morning..
The night before Valentines I was excited. I got all dolled up, wore a cute dress, shaved my legs, and even shaped my pubes in a heart shape, (LOL)
That was for myself though. Not for you to see.
I wasnt planning on seeing you, but I thought that maybe there could be a chance I'd bump into you at the mall..
And that, maybe you'd put on that face that says: " omg. Hey, She's pretty."
It's embarrassing thinking of it now.
Fuck you.
No.
Fuck me for all the times I've felt lucky because I thought I was special and different to you.
You had me. You really did. Getting to see me whenever you'd like to, All those times I took you in, I was down for anything.
When I cleaned today, I stumbled upon my mini black graph book.
I take this book everywhere with me- I doodle and write down my thoughts.




"I'm still worried about him."
That was the night after you had to leave because of your health. I'd spend nights researching on the internet to see what could be wrong with you. I was worried and it bothered me for a long time. Just knowing that there was something capable of taking you away from me, fuck me.

Enough of you, I'm getting myself angry.
Also, another thing that has been bothering me- friends.
I miss my friend Vi terribly. And as much as I would like to have another friend with the same interests, I feel that it could be almost impossible.
This island is too fucking small.
I would at least like some fun company to hang out with, being alone is interesting, but it gets lonely in time.
Then again, I'm afraid of getting close to anyone else.
Sigh.
____________________________________