Hey guys, just popping in again to remind you that I made a new blog and that I will no longer be updating this one!
You can see my new and improved blog here below.~
There will be outfit posts, lifestyle posts, my artwork, and just really random fun stuff I promise! <3 br="">
http://sugar-pet.blogspot.com/
http://sugar-pet.blogspot.com/
http://sugar-pet.blogspot.com/
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Saturday, June 22, 2013
You are viewing my old blog! Please follow and visit my new blog okay?!
It's interesting to look back at these old entries- not to reminisce about them.. more for realizing how far my mind has grown or matured.
I'm not even sure if I have any alive followers reading this right now.. oh well.
is anyone out there..?
*water drop "bloops" to it's ring death, sending chilling echoes through this dark abandoned cave*
lolollolololololol
I haven't updated my new blog in almost 2 months, I know >-< BUT you should still folllow it, and, erm, I've been very busy, travelling around... (excuses.. ehehhe I've been lazy ok ok ok and distracted lololololol) I'll update with gillions of content and pictures soon, I promise!
so here it is! (though I recommend you reading the rest of this post before getting lost in my new blog! )
http://sugar-pet.blogspot.com/
I need to get back in the habit of posting because I truly do miss it, and my writing skills are very dull now, it's depressing. I can't count the amount of times I've re-worded sentences in this post alone. I feel like a dull office vase with synthetic followers collecting dust and coffee breath. It upsets me to think that if only I was consistent with my posts, I would be overflowing of something so much more vibrant.. or "ever changing". Like fresh flowers, they die and wither away, but it's sweet scent turns musky...It's weird but strangely most people smell it a second time (or more) to figure out whether or not they like it. Like the pages of an old library book, or the slow burning smoke of an incense stick. You can see ripples or wrinkles in it's petals, and it's stems left tough and brittle. You may not look at them in the same light but it sure makes you think, and that'ts what's wonderful about looking through these posts. I love viewing feelings in different perspectives, appreciating the change and what it's become. When I don't document my thoughts or little special moments in my life, I fear that I'll forget them. Sure, some memories will stay, but you won't ever get close to reliving them or reading details that trigger thoughts you may never find yourself getting lost in. And I love that. I am absolutely in love with getting lost in my thoughts.
My mind used to be a living hell and I thought I'd go crazy. If you could imagine acres of ever growing spiderwebs, and the worlds most scariest exotic insects being caught in it, resulting in waves of shuddering semi-clear threads, and spiders of all shapes and sizes wrapping their prey in bundles and fighting over food and territory and thousands of heads hatching to thousands of little itty bitty spiders with uncountable eyes, AND THEN IMAGINING A WILD FIRE CATCHING THAT ON FIRE AND THE AMOUNT OF CHAOS AND PANIC HAPPENING, AND THEN A LITTLE FARM GIRL IN LOOSE PIGTAILS OPENING HER BACKDOOR ONLY TO SEE HER BACKYARD BECOME A RAGING FIRE WITH THE SMELL OF BURNT SPIDER HAIR IN THE AIR LEAVING HER TO SCREAM A HIGH PITCHED TONE ONLY SPIDERS COULD HEAR SO THE SPIDERS START SCREAMING TOO AND THEN THE GIRL SCREAMS AND THEN THE SPIDER SCREAMS AND THE GIRL SCREAMS AND THE SPIDERS SCREAM AND THE GIRL SCREAMS AND THE SPIDERS DIE IN SIZZLING SILENCE AND THE GIRL LAUGHS AND THEN HER DAD COMES OUT AND YELLS AT HER FOR MAKING ALL THIS NOISE AND PULLS HER BY THE HAIR AND THROWS HER IN THE BASEMENT AND THEN SHE CRIES AND FALLS ASLEEP AND WAKES UP AND WALKS TO THE FRIDGE AND EATS A BOILED EGG-
That's what my mind used to be like when it was full of abusive, negative, and painful thoughts. (lulullululululul) I would write about it publicly and privately and they slowly became less scary, and easier to control. I'm so happy I resorted to blogging when I was going through the most darkest and lowest points of my life. It sure made things seem a little more dramatic, but I think getting a better grasp of your feelings, and typing out what you hear in your head, helps a lot. It helps you find yourself and it most certainly helps your mind grow a little more observant. Which I think is a good quality for anyone.
I may not have been posting actively, but fortunately, I keep a camera, pen, and notebook where ever I go, so whenever I feel very passionate about something, I write, or take many photos. Hopefully in the next few days I'll slowly be sharing them with you all! I had a good run with this blog, but I think it's time to turn new pages and start on a brighter note. The majority of posts in this blog were made when I was incredibly sad, depressed, or hurt. There were a few "happy" posts, which at one point made me go "aww how cute" but they all scream "naive" to me. I don't regret them, as I am well aware I needed to go through that to be where I am today.. I just don't really care for them, and I want to rid of anything that brings bitter thoughts. I want to start new, that's all. Everything I do now has been so much more happier and positive, I want to keep at that way. My new blog will be full of other fun things for those who don't really care for reading, or my blabbers.. heh. anyway, thanks for reading this far, and if you've been sticking around since I first started this blog, I hope you join me in my next chapter! ~
Here is my new blog, please follow to see what's been happening! ^____^
http://sugar-pet.blogspot.com/
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Well it's been a while.
Here I am again.
Like Humpty Dumpty here I am. Not sitting but balancing on my bottom on a paper thin wall.
Rocking back and forth, I fear falling, to the bad side. Though there's always hope that I can lean forward and fall into the bed of good instead.
I became an egg; silent with a protective layer securing my insides.
Whenever I feel overwhelmed with emotions, I always seem to turn into this and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I become numb with feelings and thoughts, that I turn into a completely different creature.
And it's amazing how this egg metaphor fits what I go through every time I experience this situation all over again. Or whenever we both go through this of course.
A mentor once told me that the most phenomenal artists in the world are also the craziest. That creative people feel more stronger and deeper when it comes to experiencing emotions. It explains why the one of the best artworks ever made, were created when the artist was feeling very depressed. (or feeling passionate about another emotion.)
I get to a point where I over think so quickly that by the time I catch myself, I'm already drowning in spider webs and spider webs of recycling thoughts. And If these thoughts are too quick or slimy to grip on, I end up putting this shield over myself, and I become this egg.
I become quiet and speechless as I am swaying back and forth in a repetitive rhythm.
And it's like I don't know what side is what until I actually fall over. There's that dark unforgiving side where I feel that I am not good enough, that I should end your misery, because I feel like I've done enough, that I only fuck things up, and that you deserve so much more that what I can offer. I hate that side so much, I end up thinking of any insecurity I can come up with, and I snowball, I grow into this unbearable heap of hate for myself that I don't want to hurt anyone with it. I hate it. It makes me want to punish myself. And I hate it because I know it can't be in a visual way that will hurt others as well. I realize that I have to quietly hurt myself in my head, and I hate that too. I end up thinking of all the people that are less fortunate, that may be going through worse times, that may have bigger things to question about, and it makes me feel selfish, and greedy and then I hate myself even more. I hate myself more when I think of all the cruel people this world has to offer, and all the cruel horrific things that were done. And that I may be one of them. And before I even start, I hate again, thinking about how hopeless I must be that I let hate itself swallow me so much during this cycle that I forget that in my right mind I always try to strongly believe that no one is ugly, and that there's always room for change or hope in people especially if they willingly hope for it too, and that alone is beautiful. And I start to hate again, thinking how ugly my thoughts are at the very moment, and how hopeless and pitiful I was becoming with myself. I am reminded of all the few times I feel annoyance towards certain others and how hypocritical it makes me feel. I hate that. I start to think about how far down I already am falling, and that I cringe at the thought of all the times I could have just stopped and turned around, and actually tried fixing things for once. It makes me think of all the strong people I know, and other strong others that could probably succeed in what I couldn't do last night. That so many others are lonely, desperately searching for love. The heartbroken, and hopeless romantics.That they deserve you more. And again, this makes me hate myself when I am reminded that the only person you deserve more from, is me. And that it's completely horrible for me to even I think these things in the first place. To think so low of us, or you, that I have to put us down, and put others between us. And I hate that it's the one thing I tried to avoid, and never meant to do. At all. And I start to feel so stupid. I think so high of others, and hate myself for all the wrongs I repeated. And then again, I start hating. I hate. I hate. hate. hate. hate so much, that I feel the rage in my emotions just explaining this whole process, and it's really fucking funny because I am actually a bit scared that this might just push me over again. But no. Not fucking right now because tonight it already happened. This type of hate is the worst kind because it's silent. Falling into a silent hate for yourself because you don't want anyone to pity you, and worry for you. And it's really sad. It's scary too. It makes you feel so lonely when you push everyone away to be alone in your hurtful thoughts. Which is really fucking silly because the reason why you are pushing is so that you don't cause hurt and worry, when really, you are hurting yourself, and the only thing people can do is watch you.
It's bad enough that they know you are suffering, but to be pushed away and not know what exactly what you are thinking, and not have a fucking clue of how you can be helped, having no fucking idea what thoughts I may be thinking, and how it may be eating me from in the inside. The time is constantly ticking away, and you know I am getting worse. And after doing your all, to be pushed away, with nothing else to do but wait and watch. - that must be scary. And I hate myself realizing this so late. And I'm sorry. I am so incredibly sorry. I'm sorry I put you through this, and that my thoughts are outrageously crazy to the point that sometimes I can't control them. And that sometimes they are too much. So much that it overwhelms me, and I get quiet. I'm so sorry. I don't mean for things to end this way, especially since it's so repetitive. These words alone can't explain my whole thought process because if I did, I'm afraid you might become lost too. That your mind will take this, and go through the same thing if I explained it in so much detail, that you can see yourself living it. Besides the fact that I can keep going , I am also afraid at this point that my mind might actually be concreting this process into my head, and that it might never escape.. I just feel that I need to let it out somehow, because I'm also afraid that if I cannot explain this myself, that this whole thing might actually absorb into my brain and never leave. The mind is one powerful monster, so I shouldn't even be explaining how complex my thought processes may be. Because my mind might actually believe it, and take it to another level. I don't know.
I just read over everything I quickly typed out just now, no stops, just unplugging my mind and draining it all out. And its weird. Sort of relieving but still scary. I become this egg that sways from what's considered good and bad in my head, and that wall is an annoying divider with questions written all over it. Whether or not I should feel what, if it's right of me to feel something, comparing thoughts, and then trying to view from so much different eyes. When I am pushed over, I crack into pieces. And you're like the hen because you love me, and when those pieces scatter below you, you see mirrors of yourself, or us, that we seem broken. With yolk oozing and weaving those clouded mirrors , those are mixed feelings. Almost like scrambled eggs, but no one likes egg shells in that shit.
Or at least I don't..
I just hope you know that every time this happens, I learn a bit more about what's going on. And I hope that when I have a greater idea of how my mind works, that maybe I'll be able to control it better. I want you to know that when the day comes where I am finally in control of how my mind works, that we'll look back at all the hard times we had and realize how worth it was. I'll do my best everyday to make this work out for us. And in the end I promise you that everything from there on will go "eggs"actly as we want it to. (see what I did there)
L O L <3
I love you.
Friday, November 26, 2010
*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~**~*~
What are you doing?
I don't know.
Krystle you're stupid.
I know.
go to bed its 6 in the morning.
I can't
Have you ever felt that you weren't doing anything right? Or so disgusted with yourself that you wanted to stay away from special people because you feel that you are doing them a favor? That they don't deserve your bullshit? Have you ever felt confused and so wrong that you spend hours thinking of ways to fix yourself? And when you try to think of those solutions you start to cower inside, and realize how incredibly sad it is when you realize what your doing. And you don't know what to do with it. You don't know what to do with yourself. You don't know what to think anymore. You don't know what is right. Or what is wrong. Because everything you do isn't right. and what you think is "right" ends up wrong. I feel like a cat chasing my own tail, when I finally catch it, I end hurting myself anyway, or ruining my own fun. And if I continue to chase after my tail, I'll be wrong for not being able to get to it. what the fuck am I talking about, oh look the garbage man is up early. getting our garbage.. It's been a while since I've heard the garbage truck swoop by. I have that urge to go run up the window and watch him collect our garbage like I use to do when I was a kiddy... what the fuck am I doing
go to sleep
ok.
...
fucking dumb bitch you forgot to put your food leftovers in the fridge and now there's cockroaches dancing on foil in your room how are you suppose to sleep now
I don't know
yeah go to bed
ok I'll try
STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF
STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF
STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF
STOP TALKING TO YOUR SELF
STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF
I'll try.
I don't know.
Krystle you're stupid.
I know.
go to bed its 6 in the morning.
I can't
Have you ever felt that you weren't doing anything right? Or so disgusted with yourself that you wanted to stay away from special people because you feel that you are doing them a favor? That they don't deserve your bullshit? Have you ever felt confused and so wrong that you spend hours thinking of ways to fix yourself? And when you try to think of those solutions you start to cower inside, and realize how incredibly sad it is when you realize what your doing. And you don't know what to do with it. You don't know what to do with yourself. You don't know what to think anymore. You don't know what is right. Or what is wrong. Because everything you do isn't right. and what you think is "right" ends up wrong. I feel like a cat chasing my own tail, when I finally catch it, I end hurting myself anyway, or ruining my own fun. And if I continue to chase after my tail, I'll be wrong for not being able to get to it. what the fuck am I talking about, oh look the garbage man is up early. getting our garbage.. It's been a while since I've heard the garbage truck swoop by. I have that urge to go run up the window and watch him collect our garbage like I use to do when I was a kiddy... what the fuck am I doing
go to sleep
ok.
...
fucking dumb bitch you forgot to put your food leftovers in the fridge and now there's cockroaches dancing on foil in your room how are you suppose to sleep now
I don't know
yeah go to bed
ok I'll try
STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF
STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF
STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF
STOP TALKING TO YOUR SELF
STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF
I'll try.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
update
Just some recent doodles...
[Click images to enlarge!]
[Click images to enlarge!]
 |
| This one's called "Oh, I'm fucked." I did this before class since I get to school too early.. I create the most sexiest characters ever. These characters are Zulu and Sulu. Oh, and girl. She doesn't need a name. heh. |
 |
| This is continued from the last doodle, and was done the day after.. This is Sulu and girl again, and yes, he is looking under her skirt. And yes, indeed those are balls hanging from the flower she is grinning at. |
 |
| droolin |
 |
| some scans from mini sketchbooky!.. I hate drawing hands :( |
 |
| my swirly cat |
 |
| another drooling sparkly creature... Lately my paintings/drawings have been really rainbowy ! |
 |
| Saving those fishcake "kamobako" wood blocks to draw on! (Oh, all that late night ramen.. they serve a purpose now!) |
 |
| It's name is "Bowbowl" which is "rainbow and bowlcut sorta put together" heh. Done with prismacolors! |
 |
| I forgot we had a scanner at home! So I'm pretty excited for it. I'll be scanning lots of stuffs soon! |
 |
| I always keep a camera next to my pillow |
 |
| I tried taking a cool picture of pouring cereal into my mouth, but it fell all over my face and into my nostrils instead |
 |
| Experimented with inks and watercolor.. blew it around with straws, and splattered some paint! I didn't know what to do with it so I tried to figure out how I could transform it into a face of some sort and this is how it went! |
 |
| TADAH |
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Playing with a cat toy
It was like playing with a plastic vegetable.
A Cat toy figure with adjustable movable joints.
It squeaked as I rubbed my bare thumbs over its sleek hard skin, and down the nape of its neck.
There was no texture, no artificial fur, no velveteen; it was fake.
Swiveling its arms into inhumane positions, I was doing nothing wrong here.
Was I?
It wasn't alive. It was not moving or breathing and so I continued twisting and turning its arms and hind legs.
Everyone has done something similar to this.
Like spinning a doll's head around and back just because we could.
Or trying to pull joints as far back as the toy could take before popping out.
And so I continued to toy with a toy that only started getting warmer.
Was it the warmth from my hands..?
It didn't stop me though.
The object was no longer stiff, but mold-able and stretchy,
I curiously set it on its back and fixed my eyes onto it's stomach.
There was now a layer of short haired fur, and before I could pick it up,
It inhaled, and wheezed.
Horrified, I picked up the limp twisted body of my cat.
....
This was a dream I had a few months ago and I still can't forget it.
I don't play with toys this way anymore because a little part of me is afraid that it may be alive. Or that it at least possesses a soul.
I always considered anything and everything somewhat alive.
Whether it's a potted plant, or a foreign object.
I still believe today that the reason why my father's yard is so green is not because of his good labor care and hard work, but because of all the positive attention that was given to the plants. (just kidding, I think)
When I was a kid, I would sing to my "garden friends"
I would skip around complimenting a flower on how beautiful it's petals are turning out..
I use to sit alone in the garden, and I'd tell them about my day.
How are you? I would ask,
I would cheer up and rub patches of "brown" in the grass too.
My dream also made me think about evil and youth.
Kids are given toys and there's always a select few that yank heads and limbs out of their sockets, cutting nearly all of the hair off a doll, melting with a magnifying glass, ( that you probably got from a bookstore's detective/CIA/SPY kit...) or even trying to scratch the paint out of the eyes.
(I know I did these things)
It's not like we meant to hurt.
just curious, that's all.
right?
Anyways what made me to think about this was my reaction after watching students from my class building's balcony. There was one of those short looking guys with the disproportionate huge shoulders.. I always thought they looked like walking Rottweilers.. (hehe) He was swearing and yelling and then punched a nearby wilting bush. Later he cursed in frustration because the bush had cut his hand.
I smiled.
....
..........
....
..
.
And then I walked to the computer lab to type out this blog you are reading now.~~
toodles noodles
A Cat toy figure with adjustable movable joints.
It squeaked as I rubbed my bare thumbs over its sleek hard skin, and down the nape of its neck.
There was no texture, no artificial fur, no velveteen; it was fake.
Swiveling its arms into inhumane positions, I was doing nothing wrong here.
Was I?
It wasn't alive. It was not moving or breathing and so I continued twisting and turning its arms and hind legs.
Everyone has done something similar to this.
Like spinning a doll's head around and back just because we could.
Or trying to pull joints as far back as the toy could take before popping out.
And so I continued to toy with a toy that only started getting warmer.
Was it the warmth from my hands..?
It didn't stop me though.
The object was no longer stiff, but mold-able and stretchy,
I curiously set it on its back and fixed my eyes onto it's stomach.
There was now a layer of short haired fur, and before I could pick it up,
It inhaled, and wheezed.
Horrified, I picked up the limp twisted body of my cat.
....
This was a dream I had a few months ago and I still can't forget it.
I don't play with toys this way anymore because a little part of me is afraid that it may be alive. Or that it at least possesses a soul.
I always considered anything and everything somewhat alive.
Whether it's a potted plant, or a foreign object.
I still believe today that the reason why my father's yard is so green is not because of his good labor care and hard work, but because of all the positive attention that was given to the plants. (just kidding, I think)
When I was a kid, I would sing to my "garden friends"
I would skip around complimenting a flower on how beautiful it's petals are turning out..
I use to sit alone in the garden, and I'd tell them about my day.
How are you? I would ask,
I would cheer up and rub patches of "brown" in the grass too.
My dream also made me think about evil and youth.
Kids are given toys and there's always a select few that yank heads and limbs out of their sockets, cutting nearly all of the hair off a doll, melting with a magnifying glass, ( that you probably got from a bookstore's detective/CIA/SPY kit...) or even trying to scratch the paint out of the eyes.
(I know I did these things)
It's not like we meant to hurt.
just curious, that's all.
right?
Anyways what made me to think about this was my reaction after watching students from my class building's balcony. There was one of those short looking guys with the disproportionate huge shoulders.. I always thought they looked like walking Rottweilers.. (hehe) He was swearing and yelling and then punched a nearby wilting bush. Later he cursed in frustration because the bush had cut his hand.
I smiled.
....
..........
....
..
.
And then I walked to the computer lab to type out this blog you are reading now.~~
toodles noodles
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
You.
3:18 pm
_______________________________
Here I am in the school computer lab, typing up a blog, glancing at strangers faces and observing other students lit screens. I see a blonde kid on Facebook, texting away on his mobile device and quickly glancing at the lab's assistants whether they are watching him..
I see a girl scrolling down brightly colored pages, probably doing some online window shopping..
And another actually typing up an essay for once, but maybe having a writer's block because she hasn't gotten past one paragraph for the past 10 - 20 minutes.
I'm a creeper I know.
I just finished a good amount of homework for this week so I felt I deserved a little break. I have a variety of tabs open, the school website, Pandora Radio, Google research on textiles (I click this when a person walks by) and Blogger!
My laptop is still being repaired, and I missed blogging so here I am. Scanning through my posts, I felt a stronger need to update and get feelings/thoughts out.
Since school has started, I've been going through a different change, and it's been taking me a while to adjust to - I think I'm finally starting to get comfortable.
Having new responsibilities and plans , I'm also becoming social again.
I'm still sticking with my new rule when it comes to people-
Everyone gets my respect/kindness unless they intentionally want to hurt me. You can have a bad reputation, or you could be the wealthiest/poorest man alive and you will still have my respect and kindness. Your religion, beliefs, goals, and interests can be completely different from mine, but you still have my respect and kindness. You don't need to earn it.
Trust is a different story though.
Anyways...... .. . . .
Lately I've been thinking back and since I met Ulyber *giggle*
My morals has changed so much.
It still amazes me when I think about how much he's helped me.
I'm not sure if it's the "being in love" feeling that's making me this way, but the majority of things I've been doing is because of him.
The way he can re-adjust what's right and wrong in my head, he makes me see things I never thought I could even believe. There are things I never thought I could stay away from, or habits I thought I couldn't rid. My creativity and inspiration feels unbearable and feels unstoppable because he's the source of it all. It's because I know I'll be with him forever. I thought I had a a good sense of creativity a long time ago, but this time I feel like discovering new techniques, experimenting with new mediums, I feel so inventive, and it excites me. I could keep rambling on about how amazing and extremely lucky/thankful I am to have someone like him to make me feel this way, but you probably wouldn't understand it. I can read over this paragraph and get excited just by reading the text alone.
I feel like I've said something like this in old posts... but....
I'm hungry, it's getting cold in here and I have a redondos musibi waiting in my bag for me.
Be back later!
_______________________________
Here I am in the school computer lab, typing up a blog, glancing at strangers faces and observing other students lit screens. I see a blonde kid on Facebook, texting away on his mobile device and quickly glancing at the lab's assistants whether they are watching him..
I see a girl scrolling down brightly colored pages, probably doing some online window shopping..
And another actually typing up an essay for once, but maybe having a writer's block because she hasn't gotten past one paragraph for the past 10 - 20 minutes.
I'm a creeper I know.
I just finished a good amount of homework for this week so I felt I deserved a little break. I have a variety of tabs open, the school website, Pandora Radio, Google research on textiles (I click this when a person walks by) and Blogger!
My laptop is still being repaired, and I missed blogging so here I am. Scanning through my posts, I felt a stronger need to update and get feelings/thoughts out.
Since school has started, I've been going through a different change, and it's been taking me a while to adjust to - I think I'm finally starting to get comfortable.
Having new responsibilities and plans , I'm also becoming social again.
I'm still sticking with my new rule when it comes to people-
Everyone gets my respect/kindness unless they intentionally want to hurt me. You can have a bad reputation, or you could be the wealthiest/poorest man alive and you will still have my respect and kindness. Your religion, beliefs, goals, and interests can be completely different from mine, but you still have my respect and kindness. You don't need to earn it.
Trust is a different story though.
Anyways...... .. . . .
Lately I've been thinking back and since I met Ulyber *giggle*
My morals has changed so much.
It still amazes me when I think about how much he's helped me.
I'm not sure if it's the "being in love" feeling that's making me this way, but the majority of things I've been doing is because of him.
The way he can re-adjust what's right and wrong in my head, he makes me see things I never thought I could even believe. There are things I never thought I could stay away from, or habits I thought I couldn't rid. My creativity and inspiration feels unbearable and feels unstoppable because he's the source of it all. It's because I know I'll be with him forever. I thought I had a a good sense of creativity a long time ago, but this time I feel like discovering new techniques, experimenting with new mediums, I feel so inventive, and it excites me. I could keep rambling on about how amazing and extremely lucky/thankful I am to have someone like him to make me feel this way, but you probably wouldn't understand it. I can read over this paragraph and get excited just by reading the text alone.
I feel like I've said something like this in old posts... but....
I'm hungry, it's getting cold in here and I have a redondos musibi waiting in my bag for me.
Be back later!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Charcoal, pizza boxes, needles, and sequins
7:06 am
_______________________
Hi! And good morning~
I know, I know, It's been another whole week again, I was up since 6ish today and I felt like updating on things. A couple of you say you miss my blogs, and posts.. I'm sorry.
College is starting in about a week now, but I'll try my best!
This past week has been pretty productive, here are a couple of things I've been working on:
[CLICK TO ENLARGE]
-Pizza box charcoal portraits!
I think I discovered my new favorite drawing medium... It's been a long time since I've touched charcoal, and I never thought I'd be able to pick it up so quick, its really exciting for me. ** These pizza boxes are from my brother's birthday party.
And again with the hair.. my favorite part is always the hair, It's the fun part.
I have a huge idea stirring within me, for the upcoming projects. .. .. . . .. .
Also, I am extremely excited for my Prismacolor charcoal set to come in! !!@#!
I'm not sure if the buyer wants to be revealed, but THANK YOU SO MUCH for the "early birthday" gift. I love you. so much.<3
v [Click to enlarge]
Other than art, I've been doing a lot of fabric manipulation.. Gathering and creating ruffle pieces that I turned into cute little hairclips/keychains..
I also scored a good deal on a bunch of fabric, including Mickey Mouse ones I'm really excited working with!
This particular hair clip though is really special to me because it was out of pure experimentation, and it took me about 2-3 hours sewing those tiny sequins and beads, LOL. It took a while but it was really fun to do! I like the clustered detailed look.. like the same way you do decoden!~
What's also pretty cool is that I made a cute ruffle hair clip that could also be a key chain. If you enlarge the photo, you can see that I made a little secret pocket you could tuck the key chain ring into when you're using it as a hair clip~
muahahahahahah
ok brb
_______________________
Hi! And good morning~
I know, I know, It's been another whole week again, I was up since 6ish today and I felt like updating on things. A couple of you say you miss my blogs, and posts.. I'm sorry.
College is starting in about a week now, but I'll try my best!
This past week has been pretty productive, here are a couple of things I've been working on:
[CLICK TO ENLARGE]
-Pizza box charcoal portraits!
I think I discovered my new favorite drawing medium... It's been a long time since I've touched charcoal, and I never thought I'd be able to pick it up so quick, its really exciting for me. ** These pizza boxes are from my brother's birthday party.
And again with the hair.. my favorite part is always the hair, It's the fun part.
I have a huge idea stirring within me, for the upcoming projects. .. .. . . .. .
Also, I am extremely excited for my Prismacolor charcoal set to come in! !!@#!
I'm not sure if the buyer wants to be revealed, but THANK YOU SO MUCH for the "early birthday" gift. I love you. so much.<3
v [Click to enlarge]
Other than art, I've been doing a lot of fabric manipulation.. Gathering and creating ruffle pieces that I turned into cute little hairclips/keychains..
I also scored a good deal on a bunch of fabric, including Mickey Mouse ones I'm really excited working with!
This particular hair clip though is really special to me because it was out of pure experimentation, and it took me about 2-3 hours sewing those tiny sequins and beads, LOL. It took a while but it was really fun to do! I like the clustered detailed look.. like the same way you do decoden!~
What's also pretty cool is that I made a cute ruffle hair clip that could also be a key chain. If you enlarge the photo, you can see that I made a little secret pocket you could tuck the key chain ring into when you're using it as a hair clip~
muahahahahahah
ok brb
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
August four
8:54 am
___________________
Sorry about being gone for so long.
I've been so love drunk happy since Ulyber has left (I still am) and I've been concentrating on other things, I hope you guys don't forget about me ;___;
School starts on the 23rd for me, and I know this is really late but I've been busy trying to brush up on art skills/ improve myself.
I'll try my best to update as much, but my highest priority is school so....
I've been doing sketches/doodles here and there.. and I've sewn a lot of little tiny projects that I probably might turn into hair clips or key chains.. Maybe I'll post pictures soon?
I think I've gotten so use to using a sewing machine that my hand sewing skills has gotten so rusty.. I feel like I have abandoned my hands. I've been sewing little gathered ribbon flowers, and manipulated yards of fabric with just a needle and thread! As the hours blink by, I have sewn on shiny seed beads and sequins so much that my fingers felt like it has a mind of it's own. Like a spider's legs creating it's web. Repetitively pinching, gathering, pulling, and threading, it felt like a routine, that I couldn't stop. I really like that feeling of doing the same thing over and over until I master it. Or until I can't do it any more quicker and perfectly as the last. I love sewing on beads and sequins for hours during my free time, I love the detail. I even noticed how anal *giggle* I get when it comes to finishing a project and making sure everything is tightly knotted and fit.
I have a huge fear of things breaking or falling apart when it comes to things I'm making.. and I try my absolute best to seal, protect, and/or preserve any piece of art or work!
Also, enough about what I've been doing, a whole lot happened while I was gone! It truly is funny how life works. It's been almost a year now since my life has reached a huge turning point. Karma does work it's magic, things do happen for a reason, and what really matters is what you make of it. I still remember the night that changed my life. I remember making promises to myself that I'd never want to get close to a person ever again because I was afraid of hurting them. I remember saying that I didn't want to be in a serious relationship, and most especially I cannot forget those months I disappeared from everyone. Those lonely depressing months I hid in a shell, isolating myself from the outside world for so long that I forgot how to socialize without feeling afraid. I told myself that I was going to change and improve myself. I wanted to be happy- I wanted to do it alone.
But, I never would of thought I'd be this happy.
You guy's might be pretty sick of all my lovey dovey posts by now, but I can't stress enough how completely thankful and lucky I feel being with him. He completely changed my perception of affection and how to passionately love a person . Sounds a bit corny, I know but hey. For years now, I always had a set mind that I could never feel even a slight feeling of passion in physical actions, even if it were just a peck on the cheek, or a breath at my earlobe. It's not kindergarten naive feelings anymore.
These gentle kisses at my neck, and ears don't only feel good because it's a sensitive area on your body. They send chills down my spine- but that's just the sweet beginning. One touch becomes a manifestation of raw emotion and thoughts. Thoughts of every possible chance of you being near that part of me again. I can imagine every breath flash forwarding in a line of related of events, reminding me of the next time you'll be taking another breath, whether it's out of exhaustion, fear, or pleasure, and it makes me want to be there every single time.
..
sigh.
......
.....
I'm going to leave this here.
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
___________________
Sorry about being gone for so long.
I've been so love drunk happy since Ulyber has left (I still am) and I've been concentrating on other things, I hope you guys don't forget about me ;___;
School starts on the 23rd for me, and I know this is really late but I've been busy trying to brush up on art skills/ improve myself.
I'll try my best to update as much, but my highest priority is school so....
I've been doing sketches/doodles here and there.. and I've sewn a lot of little tiny projects that I probably might turn into hair clips or key chains.. Maybe I'll post pictures soon?
I think I've gotten so use to using a sewing machine that my hand sewing skills has gotten so rusty.. I feel like I have abandoned my hands. I've been sewing little gathered ribbon flowers, and manipulated yards of fabric with just a needle and thread! As the hours blink by, I have sewn on shiny seed beads and sequins so much that my fingers felt like it has a mind of it's own. Like a spider's legs creating it's web. Repetitively pinching, gathering, pulling, and threading, it felt like a routine, that I couldn't stop. I really like that feeling of doing the same thing over and over until I master it. Or until I can't do it any more quicker and perfectly as the last. I love sewing on beads and sequins for hours during my free time, I love the detail. I even noticed how anal *giggle* I get when it comes to finishing a project and making sure everything is tightly knotted and fit.
I have a huge fear of things breaking or falling apart when it comes to things I'm making.. and I try my absolute best to seal, protect, and/or preserve any piece of art or work!
Also, enough about what I've been doing, a whole lot happened while I was gone! It truly is funny how life works. It's been almost a year now since my life has reached a huge turning point. Karma does work it's magic, things do happen for a reason, and what really matters is what you make of it. I still remember the night that changed my life. I remember making promises to myself that I'd never want to get close to a person ever again because I was afraid of hurting them. I remember saying that I didn't want to be in a serious relationship, and most especially I cannot forget those months I disappeared from everyone. Those lonely depressing months I hid in a shell, isolating myself from the outside world for so long that I forgot how to socialize without feeling afraid. I told myself that I was going to change and improve myself. I wanted to be happy- I wanted to do it alone.
But, I never would of thought I'd be this happy.
You guy's might be pretty sick of all my lovey dovey posts by now, but I can't stress enough how completely thankful and lucky I feel being with him. He completely changed my perception of affection and how to passionately love a person . Sounds a bit corny, I know but hey. For years now, I always had a set mind that I could never feel even a slight feeling of passion in physical actions, even if it were just a peck on the cheek, or a breath at my earlobe. It's not kindergarten naive feelings anymore.
These gentle kisses at my neck, and ears don't only feel good because it's a sensitive area on your body. They send chills down my spine- but that's just the sweet beginning. One touch becomes a manifestation of raw emotion and thoughts. Thoughts of every possible chance of you being near that part of me again. I can imagine every breath flash forwarding in a line of related of events, reminding me of the next time you'll be taking another breath, whether it's out of exhaustion, fear, or pleasure, and it makes me want to be there every single time.
..
sigh.
......
.....
I'm going to leave this here.
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
everything I do
reminds me of you.
5:18 pm
_________________________________________________________
The grass green and cool, like the still air. It's time to bring the laundry up again and as soon as I got to that familiar spot I set the basket down and sat. Looking around to make sure I was in the same exact place we both were just a few days ago. I even wondered if the rain and the sprinklers may have washed any left bit of you away, I ran my fingers on that spot and cussed "shit."
I didn't think It'd be this hard.
Yeah those 6 months seemed pretty easy to go through, but now that we've gotten to the point of physically seeing each other, I now have reached a whole different level of missing you. I know what your hands feel like against mine, or how my head fits on your shoulder and more.
What sucks even more is that all of these memories were created here. On Maui. Where I'll be staying on until I can get there. Being in my own room reminds me of you. I can't ever make Spam musibi's again and not think of you. DRINKING COKE, MY FAVORITE SODA REMINDS ME OF US. Playing with the kittens, taking the bus, walking through the mall, looking at my thumb infection/blister- I can keep going.
Remember Front Street?
I could say this was one of the most memorable times I've ever had with you. Getting shave ice, and looking through galleries. I have never ever had a guy that's be interested in art or even be inspired as much as I was. Someone who reassured me that he'd do anything in the world to help me with my dreams and aspirations. And someone who was getting excited just as much as I was when we were talking about our future.
This really was the best week ever. Going wherever the wind took us. Then somehow having everyday turn out perfect. I love how you never did get impatient with me, or annoyed at the fact of how distracted I get, how curious I was, or all over the place I was being. I was just being me, and you had no problem with it. You happily went along with it because you wanted to, too. I feel completely comfortable with you and I love it so much.
I think I only have one thing left to do!
I am going to go up to Front Street alone and I'm going to visit our tree carving, get some shave ice, and finish gallery viewing. I know it sounds like a bad idea, but I need to realize that you're not here anymore. I want this to motivate me even more so I can work as hard as I can for us. Since you left I've been missing you horribly. I've been trying to force my self to go to sleep all day so that I could escape the feelings. Now I just feel too tired to even sleep. I feel like I need to do this to wake myself up again and get out of this lovesick state as quick as I can. I want to rise those happy excited feelings I had the whole time I was with you.
brb! gonna edit this later!**
5:18 pm
_________________________________________________________
The grass green and cool, like the still air. It's time to bring the laundry up again and as soon as I got to that familiar spot I set the basket down and sat. Looking around to make sure I was in the same exact place we both were just a few days ago. I even wondered if the rain and the sprinklers may have washed any left bit of you away, I ran my fingers on that spot and cussed "shit."
I didn't think It'd be this hard.
Yeah those 6 months seemed pretty easy to go through, but now that we've gotten to the point of physically seeing each other, I now have reached a whole different level of missing you. I know what your hands feel like against mine, or how my head fits on your shoulder and more.
What sucks even more is that all of these memories were created here. On Maui. Where I'll be staying on until I can get there. Being in my own room reminds me of you. I can't ever make Spam musibi's again and not think of you. DRINKING COKE, MY FAVORITE SODA REMINDS ME OF US. Playing with the kittens, taking the bus, walking through the mall, looking at my thumb infection/blister- I can keep going.
Remember Front Street?
I could say this was one of the most memorable times I've ever had with you. Getting shave ice, and looking through galleries. I have never ever had a guy that's be interested in art or even be inspired as much as I was. Someone who reassured me that he'd do anything in the world to help me with my dreams and aspirations. And someone who was getting excited just as much as I was when we were talking about our future.
This really was the best week ever. Going wherever the wind took us. Then somehow having everyday turn out perfect. I love how you never did get impatient with me, or annoyed at the fact of how distracted I get, how curious I was, or all over the place I was being. I was just being me, and you had no problem with it. You happily went along with it because you wanted to, too. I feel completely comfortable with you and I love it so much.
I think I only have one thing left to do!
I am going to go up to Front Street alone and I'm going to visit our tree carving, get some shave ice, and finish gallery viewing. I know it sounds like a bad idea, but I need to realize that you're not here anymore. I want this to motivate me even more so I can work as hard as I can for us. Since you left I've been missing you horribly. I've been trying to force my self to go to sleep all day so that I could escape the feelings. Now I just feel too tired to even sleep. I feel like I need to do this to wake myself up again and get out of this lovesick state as quick as I can. I want to rise those happy excited feelings I had the whole time I was with you.
brb! gonna edit this later!**
Monday, June 7, 2010
clouds and stars
12:21 am
hi
I'm back! I moved my laptop again.
I don't know why but I found myself walking outside.
I left my room door slightly closed and I went out my back door.
No lights, the door shut (or so I thought) and I was barefoot too.
I'm wearing only a cotton tank and baby pink silk shorts, I leaned against my door frame and I couldn't control myself from shaking,I was damn cold.
It wasn't bad though, it's an all over body reaction and most of the time I really like it. The fun part is controlling that cold feeling by thinking "warm" thoughts.
everything we feel is all in our brain you know. Whether it be pressure, warmth or cold on your skin. Your attitude about it, what you expect from it, reflecting past pain experiences... If you can rethink and alter what pain feels like , then you can control how you suffer from it.I think the same goes for emotional pain too.
.....
"Hi kitties"
They were watching me this whole time and even started rubbing their bodies at my calves at this point,
It made me shiver more.
Looking out at the sky, I continued to walk forward and stood in front of the porch railing with my arms at my hips.
I would rest my elbows at the wooden rail,
but tonight the morning dew wanted to watch the stars too.
I observed the stars and my surroundings. The light casting from my room and onto the lawn, I looked back at my window and the warm glow insisted that I should get back in. I stayed a little longer and just store at the sky.
...
What if every star in the sky was an idea and every time a star died, it was because someone discovered it? I'm going to pretend that from now on. The sky will always be here. I'll also pretend that clouds are thoughts, and your memory. Just anything we have all seen. They are inspiring and pretty but they come and go. Those memories you have- it's like an ongoing steady slide show. Or a rotating gallery of your life.
Stars are hidden during the day, but we know they're still there. We need to keep searching for them.
We just can't quite find them very well with all the thoughts and memories you always carry with you. That's why the stars are so amazing. It's so simple and mysterious. When everything else around you turns black you can only see the bright in the sky. And you want it. I want it.
...
The cold air blew at the hairs of my face, I held myself. My arms are tiny and my hands were already cold but I wasn't shaking anymore.
The back door creaked.
My heart froze and I turned around only to see the door behind me wide open now, it scared me and I stepped back in and locked the door.
I walked into my room and opened my laptop/
hi.
hi
I'm back! I moved my laptop again.
I don't know why but I found myself walking outside.
I left my room door slightly closed and I went out my back door.
No lights, the door shut (or so I thought) and I was barefoot too.
I'm wearing only a cotton tank and baby pink silk shorts, I leaned against my door frame and I couldn't control myself from shaking,I was damn cold.
It wasn't bad though, it's an all over body reaction and most of the time I really like it. The fun part is controlling that cold feeling by thinking "warm" thoughts.
everything we feel is all in our brain you know. Whether it be pressure, warmth or cold on your skin. Your attitude about it, what you expect from it, reflecting past pain experiences... If you can rethink and alter what pain feels like , then you can control how you suffer from it.I think the same goes for emotional pain too.
.....
"Hi kitties"
They were watching me this whole time and even started rubbing their bodies at my calves at this point,
It made me shiver more.
Looking out at the sky, I continued to walk forward and stood in front of the porch railing with my arms at my hips.
I would rest my elbows at the wooden rail,
but tonight the morning dew wanted to watch the stars too.
I observed the stars and my surroundings. The light casting from my room and onto the lawn, I looked back at my window and the warm glow insisted that I should get back in. I stayed a little longer and just store at the sky.
...
What if every star in the sky was an idea and every time a star died, it was because someone discovered it? I'm going to pretend that from now on. The sky will always be here. I'll also pretend that clouds are thoughts, and your memory. Just anything we have all seen. They are inspiring and pretty but they come and go. Those memories you have- it's like an ongoing steady slide show. Or a rotating gallery of your life.
Stars are hidden during the day, but we know they're still there. We need to keep searching for them.
We just can't quite find them very well with all the thoughts and memories you always carry with you. That's why the stars are so amazing. It's so simple and mysterious. When everything else around you turns black you can only see the bright in the sky. And you want it. I want it.
...
The cold air blew at the hairs of my face, I held myself. My arms are tiny and my hands were already cold but I wasn't shaking anymore.
The back door creaked.
My heart froze and I turned around only to see the door behind me wide open now, it scared me and I stepped back in and locked the door.
I walked into my room and opened my laptop/
hi.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
giggle
8:34 am
*yawn*
I went to bed around 3am again, It's been so hard for me to go to bed early, I need to quit this bad habit. What's even more odd is that I woke up around 6 in the morning, rolled around in bed and _____________ with you then I sat up when you fell back asleep.
My back bent, I slouched and turned my head at my blurred mirror.
I quickly hopped up from bed to head straight to the bathroom. -
Shit I forgot to wash my face last night. Krystle, you want to look your best, there is only a month left till he's here.
I saw my dirty face.
I brought you with me, put you on speaker and layed you on this ceramic sink frame so I could continue my morning routine.
Water pouring on my hands, I was racing the flow of water, and how quick they fell between my fingers, or overflowed my cupped palms.
I hate to waste.
I splashed my face and looked back up at the mirror, Pausing only to see my raccoon eyes staring back at me.
One pump of cleanser I rubbed my hands together to form a loose foam and I cleaned my face, concentrating around the rim of my eyes.
That damn waterproof eyeliner.
It does look kinda pretty this way.
I squeezed a tube of toothpaste onto my tool and ducked my head downwards to the fossit. Without touching the steel I allowed my mouth to fill with water,
swished streams around my mouth, the bristles were scraping away last nights sushi, and the sugar from the cereal I ate before going to bed, It was that daily fill for my belly so I can fall asleep easier.
My mouth was minty/fresh but my throat was still dry, I was thirsty!
______________ dehydrates you, you know.
I picked you up and left you in my room to charge and I went to the kitchen to find something to drink.
No to orange juice, no to soda, Ah, watermelon'!
LOL
I cut myself a thick slice of watermelon and-
brb, need to pee and I'm really hungry.
I know I haven't been updating much, and I haven't been posting my little descriptive stories of these little events I have.. So here you go.
I'll continue this later!~
*yawn*
I went to bed around 3am again, It's been so hard for me to go to bed early, I need to quit this bad habit. What's even more odd is that I woke up around 6 in the morning, rolled around in bed and _____________ with you then I sat up when you fell back asleep.
My back bent, I slouched and turned my head at my blurred mirror.
I quickly hopped up from bed to head straight to the bathroom. -
Shit I forgot to wash my face last night. Krystle, you want to look your best, there is only a month left till he's here.
I saw my dirty face.
I brought you with me, put you on speaker and layed you on this ceramic sink frame so I could continue my morning routine.
Water pouring on my hands, I was racing the flow of water, and how quick they fell between my fingers, or overflowed my cupped palms.
I hate to waste.
I splashed my face and looked back up at the mirror, Pausing only to see my raccoon eyes staring back at me.
One pump of cleanser I rubbed my hands together to form a loose foam and I cleaned my face, concentrating around the rim of my eyes.
That damn waterproof eyeliner.
It does look kinda pretty this way.
I squeezed a tube of toothpaste onto my tool and ducked my head downwards to the fossit. Without touching the steel I allowed my mouth to fill with water,
swished streams around my mouth, the bristles were scraping away last nights sushi, and the sugar from the cereal I ate before going to bed, It was that daily fill for my belly so I can fall asleep easier.
My mouth was minty/fresh but my throat was still dry, I was thirsty!
______________ dehydrates you, you know.
I picked you up and left you in my room to charge and I went to the kitchen to find something to drink.
No to orange juice, no to soda, Ah, watermelon'!
LOL
I cut myself a thick slice of watermelon and-
brb, need to pee and I'm really hungry.
I know I haven't been updating much, and I haven't been posting my little descriptive stories of these little events I have.. So here you go.
I'll continue this later!~
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
june!
2:00 am
Wow I think I'll be hoarding my photos this way now! It's much more easier than individually uploading each photo, and on the plus side, you guys get more pics!
The first few photos are just pictures of Ink sleeping on my bed..
Doesn't she look like a gremlin in the right column third down?
Lately the weather here in Hawaii has been so hot and humid..
This weather makes me feel so irritable and sticky, I hate it so much.
I feel bad for my brother, I have been raging on him so much. Thankfully, we have an ice cream truck that comes by every weekday!
Which means..... ... . . . . .. .
A LOT OF SHAVE ICE AND ICE CREAMMMM YEAaaAAAaaAAAaaAAhhhHHHhhhhHH*!
(ulyber knows how I say this) LOL!
I also went to Wal mart the other night and bought a pack of cute cotton undies. Stupid me, did not pay any attention to the tiny "size Large" sticker on the top right of the package. I was too busy looking for a pack with cute designs/colors I grabbed one without thinking twice.
I even tried one on and since I have the body of a twelve year old azn boy, my tiny tooshie cannot fit it :[ It's like barely hanging on!
I'll be giving out the extra few to a couple of friends LOL I hope they like it ;]
Since I haven't touched my sewing machine for a long time, I decided to "resize" one of the panties for myself... And since it's Ulyber and I's half year mark, I decided to sew on a fat letter "U" for Ulyber! LOLOLOL
I bugged him this morning around 4 am when I finished it just so I could show it to him. His reaction was priceless.
Not to mention he also "returned the favor" (giggle/) and made another song for me! I wuv it.
" our presents for each other, On our half-versary:
Custom panties and a rap song ."
LOLOL.
I made a mini felt donut too! It was Donut day/Oscar the grouch's birthday roday. :D
It's made from ecofelt,sequins,beads,rhinestones, polyester cotton,and a ribbon for its removable bow- It turned out pretty cute for something I quickly put together in less than an hour! enjoy.
*btw I hope my pantie pictures aren't too provocative or "slutty" : O
Just pretend I'm wearing a bikini! LOL*
Wow I think I'll be hoarding my photos this way now! It's much more easier than individually uploading each photo, and on the plus side, you guys get more pics!
The first few photos are just pictures of Ink sleeping on my bed..
Doesn't she look like a gremlin in the right column third down?
Lately the weather here in Hawaii has been so hot and humid..
This weather makes me feel so irritable and sticky, I hate it so much.
I feel bad for my brother, I have been raging on him so much. Thankfully, we have an ice cream truck that comes by every weekday!
Which means..... ... . . . . .. .
A LOT OF SHAVE ICE AND ICE CREAMMMM YEAaaAAAaaAAAaaAAhhhHHHhhhhHH*!
(ulyber knows how I say this) LOL!
I also went to Wal mart the other night and bought a pack of cute cotton undies. Stupid me, did not pay any attention to the tiny "size Large" sticker on the top right of the package. I was too busy looking for a pack with cute designs/colors I grabbed one without thinking twice.
I even tried one on and since I have the body of a twelve year old azn boy, my tiny tooshie cannot fit it :[ It's like barely hanging on!
I'll be giving out the extra few to a couple of friends LOL I hope they like it ;]
Since I haven't touched my sewing machine for a long time, I decided to "resize" one of the panties for myself... And since it's Ulyber and I's half year mark, I decided to sew on a fat letter "U" for Ulyber! LOLOLOL
I bugged him this morning around 4 am when I finished it just so I could show it to him. His reaction was priceless.
Not to mention he also "returned the favor" (giggle/) and made another song for me! I wuv it.
" our presents for each other, On our half-versary:
Custom panties and a rap song ."
LOLOL.
I made a mini felt donut too! It was Donut day/Oscar the grouch's birthday roday. :D
It's made from ecofelt,sequins,beads,rhinestones, polyester cotton,and a ribbon for its removable bow- It turned out pretty cute for something I quickly put together in less than an hour! enjoy.
*btw I hope my pantie pictures aren't too provocative or "slutty" : O
Just pretend I'm wearing a bikini! LOL*
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
high chair
11:56 pm
Hi : D
I am really happy.
I'm sorry about the past emotional/dramatic posts lately : /
Well, What has Krizko been up to?!
My Brother Bear Kevin came back to Maui for a week to visit, that's what!
He took me out a few times- Thank you Kevin*.
He brought me up to Kihei to eat some delicious Thai curry, I forgot what the restaurant was called, but good lord it was yummy. I ate this coconut creamy curry with chicken, carrots, sweet potatoes, broccoli, and other vegetables/herbs with a side of warm jasmine rice! I found it cute/ funny how he got me a fork instead of chopsticks with out asking me. I don't know how to use chopsticks and I hold my utensils like a shovel : D Here's a photo of it!
*Also, heres a photo of the most tastiest pizza I've ever eaten.
Kevin took me to Paia for this piece of heaven.
We caught up, and then headed to the Shops of Wailea to go window shopping and kill time before we head back to his place for some kind of get together I ended up not going to! hehehe .... It was going to be too late : /
I went to the ABC store to see if they sold this Shea body butter- THEY DID!!
It makes my skin feel so soft and glowy.. I'll post a picture of it later*
While Kevin was playing with tourist souvenirs, (like slipper fly swatters or shark chomper toys) I was fascinated by all the pretty Hawaiian jewelery! Including other touristy merchandise.. It was so odd of me.
I feel like I've stayed home for so long, and away from the people/places here that now I may be attracted to all this touristy stuff. Or just things people normally won't find special.
I think it's pretty cool. I feel that I am no longer influenced by things you usually would see around. It's like starting with a blank canvas; a clean slate.
My creativity, imagination, inventiveness; my vision is fresh. It excites me so much.
Somehow tonight, I feel like I finally woke up. Sure I've said that I felt inspired a few times back, but tonight- It's different. When nights like this get quiet, and everyone is asleep, the majority of the time, I get extremely sad or depressed.
But tonight, I feel so refreshed.
I think it's this new chair.
..
As I type out this post, I have my laptop on a stack of books. My dad changed my old dirty chair to a new one! I was pretty happy about it because I had old period blood stains on them LOL
Anyways, this chair is pretty high up. And it just changes the whole look of my room to me. I'm like a cat on the top of a bookshelf. This little boost up makes me feel as if I have an advantage, of planning things.. plotting things.. everything!
It spins around too so that's fun.
:D
Oh and heres another update! My renters moved out! That means I can be as loud as I can when I mastur- lololololol just kidding ; ]
But seriously, I was a teeny bit happy until my dad told me I had to clean the studio.
Le sigh. We were pretty surprised that there were no punched walls, or anything broken considering how much they fought.. They cleaned it up very well, and even bought a lei to leave on the doorknob as a "thankyou" too! That was very kind.
Even though the studio seemed clean, it was not clean enough for my dad's standards so he left me in charge of it. Every single inch of the tiles had to be spotless. He wanted me to scrub the grout in the tiles until they were white, and just pretty much clorox/Comet clean everything. I thought it's be easy squeezy too, but I was wrong. Especially with my cats walking in leaving their dirty paws all over the place, LOL
They kept me company though. And the boyfriend was on speakerphone too so it was fine, : D I did almost panic when I witnessed ink licking some comet dust off the tiles. She threw it up later lololol
My arms feel so fit now too , and my hands/feet/knees still smell like bleach!
Pictures!
you can see the lei, my phone charger, I just wanted to take a picture of this huge circle mirror as a inside joke to a special someone ;]
And these are just pictures of the teeny cute studio room we have open for rent now!
I fell face first and literally ate the bed trying to push it around so I could clean the tiles underneath it- That day I wished I had someone to help me move furniture around.. My cats weren't helpful at all! They just used me for the free ride :[
Someday I want a cute little apartment with my hunnie bunnie! This studio has a stove/fridge/ queen bed/ walk in closet/ bathroom/ electricty, water, and internet include for $775 a month! Along with 9+ outdoor cats, and most importantly me living right above you, LOL
You also get to spy on me on Mondays and Tuesdays because that's when I go ou to the garden to hang/fetch the laundry, rofl
And your windows are in full view of that.
Here is a picture of comet dripping down the bottoms of my knees because I thought it looked cool. I was on my knees cleaning okay : [
Also since summer is here, fruits are here!
We have boxes of watermelon and mangoes from my dad's company and all I've been eating for the past 2 weeks are Chimmychongas, watermelon, and mangoes LOL
AND LOOK MY WATERMELON IS SMILING (btw thats a strawberry banana smoothie I made when I woke up with a random craving for something cold/thick/ and fruity. ; ] I originally just wanted a slushie, but this was created instead!)
Hi : D
I am really happy.
I'm sorry about the past emotional/dramatic posts lately : /
Well, What has Krizko been up to?!
My Brother Bear Kevin came back to Maui for a week to visit, that's what!
He took me out a few times- Thank you Kevin*.
He brought me up to Kihei to eat some delicious Thai curry, I forgot what the restaurant was called, but good lord it was yummy. I ate this coconut creamy curry with chicken, carrots, sweet potatoes, broccoli, and other vegetables/herbs with a side of warm jasmine rice! I found it cute/ funny how he got me a fork instead of chopsticks with out asking me. I don't know how to use chopsticks and I hold my utensils like a shovel : D Here's a photo of it!
*Also, heres a photo of the most tastiest pizza I've ever eaten.
Kevin took me to Paia for this piece of heaven.
We caught up, and then headed to the Shops of Wailea to go window shopping and kill time before we head back to his place for some kind of get together I ended up not going to! hehehe .... It was going to be too late : /
I went to the ABC store to see if they sold this Shea body butter- THEY DID!!
It makes my skin feel so soft and glowy.. I'll post a picture of it later*
While Kevin was playing with tourist souvenirs, (like slipper fly swatters or shark chomper toys) I was fascinated by all the pretty Hawaiian jewelery! Including other touristy merchandise.. It was so odd of me.
I feel like I've stayed home for so long, and away from the people/places here that now I may be attracted to all this touristy stuff. Or just things people normally won't find special.
I think it's pretty cool. I feel that I am no longer influenced by things you usually would see around. It's like starting with a blank canvas; a clean slate.
My creativity, imagination, inventiveness; my vision is fresh. It excites me so much.
Somehow tonight, I feel like I finally woke up. Sure I've said that I felt inspired a few times back, but tonight- It's different. When nights like this get quiet, and everyone is asleep, the majority of the time, I get extremely sad or depressed.
But tonight, I feel so refreshed.
I think it's this new chair.
..
As I type out this post, I have my laptop on a stack of books. My dad changed my old dirty chair to a new one! I was pretty happy about it because I had old period blood stains on them LOL
Anyways, this chair is pretty high up. And it just changes the whole look of my room to me. I'm like a cat on the top of a bookshelf. This little boost up makes me feel as if I have an advantage, of planning things.. plotting things.. everything!
It spins around too so that's fun.
:D
Oh and heres another update! My renters moved out! That means I can be as loud as I can when I mastur- lololololol just kidding ; ]
But seriously, I was a teeny bit happy until my dad told me I had to clean the studio.
Le sigh. We were pretty surprised that there were no punched walls, or anything broken considering how much they fought.. They cleaned it up very well, and even bought a lei to leave on the doorknob as a "thankyou" too! That was very kind.
Even though the studio seemed clean, it was not clean enough for my dad's standards so he left me in charge of it. Every single inch of the tiles had to be spotless. He wanted me to scrub the grout in the tiles until they were white, and just pretty much clorox/Comet clean everything. I thought it's be easy squeezy too, but I was wrong. Especially with my cats walking in leaving their dirty paws all over the place, LOL
They kept me company though. And the boyfriend was on speakerphone too so it was fine, : D I did almost panic when I witnessed ink licking some comet dust off the tiles. She threw it up later lololol
My arms feel so fit now too , and my hands/feet/knees still smell like bleach!
Pictures!
you can see the lei, my phone charger, I just wanted to take a picture of this huge circle mirror as a inside joke to a special someone ;]
And these are just pictures of the teeny cute studio room we have open for rent now!
I fell face first and literally ate the bed trying to push it around so I could clean the tiles underneath it- That day I wished I had someone to help me move furniture around.. My cats weren't helpful at all! They just used me for the free ride :[
Someday I want a cute little apartment with my hunnie bunnie! This studio has a stove/fridge/ queen bed/ walk in closet/ bathroom/ electricty, water, and internet include for $775 a month! Along with 9+ outdoor cats, and most importantly me living right above you, LOL
You also get to spy on me on Mondays and Tuesdays because that's when I go ou to the garden to hang/fetch the laundry, rofl
And your windows are in full view of that.
Here is a picture of comet dripping down the bottoms of my knees because I thought it looked cool. I was on my knees cleaning okay : [
Also since summer is here, fruits are here!
We have boxes of watermelon and mangoes from my dad's company and all I've been eating for the past 2 weeks are Chimmychongas, watermelon, and mangoes LOL
AND LOOK MY WATERMELON IS SMILING (btw thats a strawberry banana smoothie I made when I woke up with a random craving for something cold/thick/ and fruity. ; ] I originally just wanted a slushie, but this was created instead!)
Friday, May 21, 2010
Hi.
1:36 am
Hey.
I just got myself together.
....
Rhythmical sharp taps on my glass window, I held my breath and turned my head.
My window was partly open so my blinds were gently swaying like a wave.
My heart even beat faster the longer I looked at them.
My window screen is still broken so anyone can stick their arm into my window, or even climb right in.
I was locked out of the house the other night, so I used that way to enter, and since then I haven't fixed it. I got nervous. I started to panic.
Then I got angry.
I learned that you don't feel so afraid when you become angry, so that's what I did. Adrenaline zooming through my veins, I gripped my fists and headed to my closet to grab my bat- but I paused.
I heard something!
I looked into the dirty speckled mirror and I saw my phone sitting on my bed sheets.
You were on the phone, making noises, and somehow I calmed down and felt better. I shut my window and locked it.
I crawled to the corner of my bed, and curled into a ball with you under my cheek.
...
You know, even though you're on the phone, it feels like you're here with me.
When I lay my cheek on the phone, I can feel the warmth...
And when I have you on speaker, I put you on full blast, so when you breathe, I can feel it. I can feel it on the hairs of my face.
It's so comforting; It's soothing.
It's 2:08 am now, so I'll be waking you up soon! It's one of my favorite things to do! It's a busy day for you tomorrow, as for me? I just need to clean the house spotless again..
Also, I keep watching this one specific cockroach that's walking around my desk. It's the same bug that's been roaming around my room, I know so because he's the only one thats not afraid of me.
Casually, It returns back to my soda condensation ring to suckle at, or it walks toward my elbow and just waits there.. I always wonder whether it's just testing me.. I just like to watch his antennas move.
AHHH! your alarm just went off.
You said something in your regular voice and then went back to sleep LOL
I'm going ti end this here now! Gonna go to bed and give you the Krizko morning special! <3 muah!
(Sorry about this post ending with no point but im tired and will edit this later)
Hey.
I just got myself together.
....
Rhythmical sharp taps on my glass window, I held my breath and turned my head.
My window was partly open so my blinds were gently swaying like a wave.
My heart even beat faster the longer I looked at them.
My window screen is still broken so anyone can stick their arm into my window, or even climb right in.
I was locked out of the house the other night, so I used that way to enter, and since then I haven't fixed it. I got nervous. I started to panic.
Then I got angry.
I learned that you don't feel so afraid when you become angry, so that's what I did. Adrenaline zooming through my veins, I gripped my fists and headed to my closet to grab my bat- but I paused.
I heard something!
I looked into the dirty speckled mirror and I saw my phone sitting on my bed sheets.
You were on the phone, making noises, and somehow I calmed down and felt better. I shut my window and locked it.
I crawled to the corner of my bed, and curled into a ball with you under my cheek.
...
You know, even though you're on the phone, it feels like you're here with me.
When I lay my cheek on the phone, I can feel the warmth...
And when I have you on speaker, I put you on full blast, so when you breathe, I can feel it. I can feel it on the hairs of my face.
It's so comforting; It's soothing.
It's 2:08 am now, so I'll be waking you up soon! It's one of my favorite things to do! It's a busy day for you tomorrow, as for me? I just need to clean the house spotless again..
Also, I keep watching this one specific cockroach that's walking around my desk. It's the same bug that's been roaming around my room, I know so because he's the only one thats not afraid of me.
Casually, It returns back to my soda condensation ring to suckle at, or it walks toward my elbow and just waits there.. I always wonder whether it's just testing me.. I just like to watch his antennas move.
AHHH! your alarm just went off.
You said something in your regular voice and then went back to sleep LOL
I'm going ti end this here now! Gonna go to bed and give you the Krizko morning special! <3 muah!
(Sorry about this post ending with no point but im tired and will edit this later)
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
breathing hard
12:49 am
You're snoring.
And that's because you're really tired.
4 hours of sleep, yet you can do so much.
I have never, ever, had a person put in so much effort to make me happy.
It's fucking ridiculous how patient you are with me.
Last night I cried hard again. And only then I learned and realized how mentally sick I am. I didn't think it was that bad until I really started falling for you. Because when I am thinking of you 24/7 I am now always questioning whether it's real or not just as much. And for the past nights I've been really taking it hard on myself. When nights get really quiet, and you're sleeping, I'm thinking about you.
That's when all the questions comes up. Along with the fucked up scenarios / past that are the reason for those questions.
But last night, when you asked me why it was so hard for me to believe how much you loved me- I thought hard, and before you knew it, I was getting an anxiety attack and I was gasping and crying. You calmed me down. And then you asked what goes through my head, what are these thoughts that trigger my depression..?
And Why is it still bothering me now? Why can't I just quit dwelling with the past?
Even I wondered why too.
I told you,
Imagine living a pretty fair life. You love being around people, you love having fun with others, you have your friends, the people you care for, your hobbies on the side, everything is just fine. Then one night something unexpectedly blows up and everything is gone. For the first 2 weeks I never left my house. Not even with the family. Then the next few months you isolate yourself from everyone else, and you avoid leaving the house as much as possible. But when you do, you are terrified.
Do you really know what this does to a person...?
Do you know what this does to a person's head..?
Sending yourself into exile?
Recovering from a recent downfall, I thought that time would pass by slowly, and that I'd heal and get stronger.
I did.
But I never thought that being away for so long could also do this to me.
This past month, I've been going out more often with my sister and her boyfriend. Registering for this fall, and doing other things like ordering food may sound pretty simple and to the point. As for me?
It's difficult for me to even work up the courage to even do it.
And it's so fucked up.
Talking to anyone else but my own family feels weird to me now.
My heart starts pumping really quick; I get really afraid and nervous.
When a stranger looks at me- I freeze, and I know they know I'm scared.
I try to hide it away with smiles and my uncontrollable giggles, but deep inside I am freaking out. I have been isolated from friends and people outside of my house that it scares me to death to even approach anyone.
And it makes me so angry I have become this way.
When everything disappeared, and I was pretty much left with nothing, I went into hibernation, to heal my self. Isolation started.
.....
I want to take a different approach to this. (again) Here's a new plan.
Instead of trying to repair things, I want to start new.
Because that's what everything feels like to me now. It's like being a kid at school all over again, and being afraid/ nervous on your first day.
I need to be excited for change and new things.
I need to quit using my fucked past to analyze and judge my present.
There is nothing good about it, and it is only a lesson learned.
And then there's you.
I have never considered actually believing a person when they say they really do love me. I know that sounds really bad, but I really like the feeling.
I've never had anyone get me so emotional, or get me to the point of tearing up when you explain your feelings to me. I love you. And I know you love me too. It's just difficult to avoid those questions. But I'm trying my best to understand.
----- I'm getting really tired because it's 2 am now, and I want to call you. LOL
muah.
You're snoring.
And that's because you're really tired.
4 hours of sleep, yet you can do so much.
I have never, ever, had a person put in so much effort to make me happy.
It's fucking ridiculous how patient you are with me.
Last night I cried hard again. And only then I learned and realized how mentally sick I am. I didn't think it was that bad until I really started falling for you. Because when I am thinking of you 24/7 I am now always questioning whether it's real or not just as much. And for the past nights I've been really taking it hard on myself. When nights get really quiet, and you're sleeping, I'm thinking about you.
That's when all the questions comes up. Along with the fucked up scenarios / past that are the reason for those questions.
But last night, when you asked me why it was so hard for me to believe how much you loved me- I thought hard, and before you knew it, I was getting an anxiety attack and I was gasping and crying. You calmed me down. And then you asked what goes through my head, what are these thoughts that trigger my depression..?
And Why is it still bothering me now? Why can't I just quit dwelling with the past?
Even I wondered why too.
I told you,
Imagine living a pretty fair life. You love being around people, you love having fun with others, you have your friends, the people you care for, your hobbies on the side, everything is just fine. Then one night something unexpectedly blows up and everything is gone. For the first 2 weeks I never left my house. Not even with the family. Then the next few months you isolate yourself from everyone else, and you avoid leaving the house as much as possible. But when you do, you are terrified.
Do you really know what this does to a person...?
Do you know what this does to a person's head..?
Sending yourself into exile?
Recovering from a recent downfall, I thought that time would pass by slowly, and that I'd heal and get stronger.
I did.
But I never thought that being away for so long could also do this to me.
This past month, I've been going out more often with my sister and her boyfriend. Registering for this fall, and doing other things like ordering food may sound pretty simple and to the point. As for me?
It's difficult for me to even work up the courage to even do it.
And it's so fucked up.
Talking to anyone else but my own family feels weird to me now.
My heart starts pumping really quick; I get really afraid and nervous.
When a stranger looks at me- I freeze, and I know they know I'm scared.
I try to hide it away with smiles and my uncontrollable giggles, but deep inside I am freaking out. I have been isolated from friends and people outside of my house that it scares me to death to even approach anyone.
And it makes me so angry I have become this way.
When everything disappeared, and I was pretty much left with nothing, I went into hibernation, to heal my self. Isolation started.
.....
I want to take a different approach to this. (again) Here's a new plan.
Instead of trying to repair things, I want to start new.
Because that's what everything feels like to me now. It's like being a kid at school all over again, and being afraid/ nervous on your first day.
I need to be excited for change and new things.
I need to quit using my fucked past to analyze and judge my present.
There is nothing good about it, and it is only a lesson learned.
And then there's you.
I have never considered actually believing a person when they say they really do love me. I know that sounds really bad, but I really like the feeling.
I've never had anyone get me so emotional, or get me to the point of tearing up when you explain your feelings to me. I love you. And I know you love me too. It's just difficult to avoid those questions. But I'm trying my best to understand.
----- I'm getting really tired because it's 2 am now, and I want to call you. LOL
muah.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Flickering
11:38 pm.
I really want to get over this feeling right now.
I cried again and I don't know why. So here I am, on a partly full stomach, writing, typing, hoping that doing this will help ease the feelings I cannot even name.
It's nights like these where
Something really tiny first ignites it, sparks it, and then it just engulfs over my whole head, smoldering everything. Every hope and wish become specks of flickering glowing pieces of ash, my feelings are alive yet they are still burning, floating away from the heat and the oxygen is keeping them alive
Coughing and wheezing,
I feel like I'm taking those ashes, and sifting them into a strainer
with uneven holes, I am shaking and quivering but these ashes are not going through, they are forming into these complicated clumps, gathering into clusters and as I rumble them around I am now watching them grow, and I am seeing them in a whole different angle as they roll and sway about my basket. I just stare at them-
I don't even know what I'm saying anymore, but that's what I feel like whats going through my head. I'm just feeling depressed again, it's nothing new and I'll get over it soon, this helped a little, but I'm going to go outside to find Shadow, goodnight.
2:34 am
Ok I just wanted to hop onto the comp to say that I feel great and everything is fine now.
LOL.
......
It was the makeup sex.
HEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHE
ok toodles<3
I really want to get over this feeling right now.
I cried again and I don't know why. So here I am, on a partly full stomach, writing, typing, hoping that doing this will help ease the feelings I cannot even name.
It's nights like these where
Something really tiny first ignites it, sparks it, and then it just engulfs over my whole head, smoldering everything. Every hope and wish become specks of flickering glowing pieces of ash, my feelings are alive yet they are still burning, floating away from the heat and the oxygen is keeping them alive
Coughing and wheezing,
I feel like I'm taking those ashes, and sifting them into a strainer
with uneven holes, I am shaking and quivering but these ashes are not going through, they are forming into these complicated clumps, gathering into clusters and as I rumble them around I am now watching them grow, and I am seeing them in a whole different angle as they roll and sway about my basket. I just stare at them-
I don't even know what I'm saying anymore, but that's what I feel like whats going through my head. I'm just feeling depressed again, it's nothing new and I'll get over it soon, this helped a little, but I'm going to go outside to find Shadow, goodnight.
2:34 am
Ok I just wanted to hop onto the comp to say that I feel great and everything is fine now.
LOL.
......
It was the makeup sex.
HEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHE
ok toodles<3
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Orange juice
7:06 am
__________________________________
Tangy orange juice on my tongue this morning, I love this.
I know this sounds a bit gross but-
( HEY I DID LAST NIGHT OKAY AND I'LL DO IT WHEN I'M DONE WITH MY DELICIOUS BREAKFAST)
I specifically skipped brushing my teeth just to drink this orange juice- Cmon we all know what orange juice tastes like after you brush your teeth! bleh!
And to eat sweet buttermilk dark chocolate chip pancakes with strawberries and bananas! :D
I need to practice my future wife skills ; ]
giggle
Also, I just did a couple reps... of morning squats with weights LOLOL
Can you imagine that
It's suppose to thicken up my legs, and....
it did!! ... HEEHHEHEHEHE
LOOK AT DEM LEGS
They say that lifting heavy weights with fewer reps makes you toner and gain more thickness?
I don't know but I need to start working on my arms and legs because I'm starting to get a belly HAHAH
I kinda took a 2 week break just to see what would happen
Though I kinda like it because when I slap my tummy it makes these cute flabby noises...
ANYWAYS
I'm usually a morning person, which explains the good mood I'm in right now,
but I woke up to the news on the radio talking about the highway to Lahaina ( where my mom works) still being closed from last night. The only way to get there is this back narrow and winding road no one ever takes because it's dangerous, and not recommended for the inexperienced ...? Sooo my mum is still home waiting for it to be clear! There was abanoner (HAHAH) ANOTHER* brush fire, we usually have one once or twice a year, but this one burnt down 1100 acres and also burnt an unoccupied house under construction.. There are evacuation centers open just in case anyone becomes homeless :O
I could only imagine all the spiders and rats running away from the fires and moving into nearby homes, LOLOL I feel so bad.
Which reminds me! We have acres and acres of Sugar cane here on Maui, and when they burn it down, all hell breaks loose. It's not just the burning manure you smell in the air, but when they burn down these fields, sugar cane spiders are seen, by the thousands, crossing roads- so much that it looks like mice, you have to close your windows when you're driving through the highway because they can get into your cars, oh my god. Thank goodness I don't live in the area.
Roflrofl i'm getting off subject--
I'm sorry again for not updating as much, I'm fine. And I feel inspired again.
andandand I love him so so so much. My heart feels like its on it's edge, and I get bursts of excitement and nervousness when I think about him coming here.
Two months.
TWO MORE MONTHS.
I get so worried, and my feelings about everything is rolling around on a ride, I am so... dkdfdklfkmzsfk;oef;ed
Too many things go through my head..
What if he doesn't like meeee
What if I'm not what he expected me to be likeEE
WHAT IF HE THINKS I'M UGLY
I know this may sound really stupid and silly but just the other night I sat myself down, And took about 2 hours looking at all my pictures... videos... blogs.. everything on the net. I was trying to get an idea of how others would see and view me.
Then I sat in front of the mirror and observed my face. Analyzing every little bit, from my pores, to my eyelashes... my tiny moles, my acne scars, my imperfect teeth, that slight overbite I have, my strong jawline, the man brows I need to pluck, my eye bags.. Just everything.
I even inspected my whole naked body,
Pouting at all the scars I have,
These scars all over my body..
These permanent and stubborn scars..
I felt depressed. Then I remembered him saying that he'd kiss each and every one of them, and after realizing how much he would have to kiss- that made me smile.
I stopped.
I stopped and made a self reminder that I need to quit picking at myself.
He loves me for me, and if he can accept things that even I have a hard time accepting, then I fucking love him even more, and I don't know how I could live and feel this happy and secure without him.
<3
Brb breakfast time~
__________________________________
Tangy orange juice on my tongue this morning, I love this.
I know this sounds a bit gross but-
( HEY I DID LAST NIGHT OKAY AND I'LL DO IT WHEN I'M DONE WITH MY DELICIOUS BREAKFAST)
I specifically skipped brushing my teeth just to drink this orange juice- Cmon we all know what orange juice tastes like after you brush your teeth! bleh!
And to eat sweet buttermilk dark chocolate chip pancakes with strawberries and bananas! :D
I need to practice my future wife skills ; ]
giggle
Also, I just did a couple reps... of morning squats with weights LOLOL
Can you imagine that
It's suppose to thicken up my legs, and....
it did!! ... HEEHHEHEHEHE
LOOK AT DEM LEGS
They say that lifting heavy weights with fewer reps makes you toner and gain more thickness?
I don't know but I need to start working on my arms and legs because I'm starting to get a belly HAHAH
I kinda took a 2 week break just to see what would happen
Though I kinda like it because when I slap my tummy it makes these cute flabby noises...
ANYWAYS
I'm usually a morning person, which explains the good mood I'm in right now,
but I woke up to the news on the radio talking about the highway to Lahaina ( where my mom works) still being closed from last night. The only way to get there is this back narrow and winding road no one ever takes because it's dangerous, and not recommended for the inexperienced ...? Sooo my mum is still home waiting for it to be clear! There was abanoner (HAHAH) ANOTHER* brush fire, we usually have one once or twice a year, but this one burnt down 1100 acres and also burnt an unoccupied house under construction.. There are evacuation centers open just in case anyone becomes homeless :O
I could only imagine all the spiders and rats running away from the fires and moving into nearby homes, LOLOL I feel so bad.
Which reminds me! We have acres and acres of Sugar cane here on Maui, and when they burn it down, all hell breaks loose. It's not just the burning manure you smell in the air, but when they burn down these fields, sugar cane spiders are seen, by the thousands, crossing roads- so much that it looks like mice, you have to close your windows when you're driving through the highway because they can get into your cars, oh my god. Thank goodness I don't live in the area.
Roflrofl i'm getting off subject--
I'm sorry again for not updating as much, I'm fine. And I feel inspired again.
andandand I love him so so so much. My heart feels like its on it's edge, and I get bursts of excitement and nervousness when I think about him coming here.
Two months.
TWO MORE MONTHS.
I get so worried, and my feelings about everything is rolling around on a ride, I am so... dkdfdklfkmzsfk;oef;ed
Too many things go through my head..
What if he doesn't like meeee
What if I'm not what he expected me to be likeEE
WHAT IF HE THINKS I'M UGLY
I know this may sound really stupid and silly but just the other night I sat myself down, And took about 2 hours looking at all my pictures... videos... blogs.. everything on the net. I was trying to get an idea of how others would see and view me.
Then I sat in front of the mirror and observed my face. Analyzing every little bit, from my pores, to my eyelashes... my tiny moles, my acne scars, my imperfect teeth, that slight overbite I have, my strong jawline, the man brows I need to pluck, my eye bags.. Just everything.
I even inspected my whole naked body,
Pouting at all the scars I have,
These scars all over my body..
These permanent and stubborn scars..
I felt depressed. Then I remembered him saying that he'd kiss each and every one of them, and after realizing how much he would have to kiss- that made me smile.
I stopped.
I stopped and made a self reminder that I need to quit picking at myself.
He loves me for me, and if he can accept things that even I have a hard time accepting, then I fucking love him even more, and I don't know how I could live and feel this happy and secure without him.
<3
Brb breakfast time~
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Clear Eyes.
12:12 am
____________________
So so so so so so sorry.
For not updating lately...
I've just been really distracted..
cough* tumblr, and cough* boyfriend. <3 LOL'
ANYWAYS I just wanted to post something.
roflrofl
hi
____________________
So so so so so so sorry.
For not updating lately...
I've just been really distracted..
cough* tumblr, and cough* boyfriend. <3 LOL'
ANYWAYS I just wanted to post something.
roflrofl
hi
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Everyone, please read!
So I've decided that I need to stop pushing people away. I avoided getting close to others because I was afraid I'd hurt or lose them, and in return I get what I hate most, and that's loneliness. For those who still are here for me, I promise to keep you close. I want to repay everyone back.
For this past week I realized how nice it felt to give, and to talk to "strangers" who later turned into new friends. And I want more. I welcome anyone and everyone, I want cute pen pals I could write letters and send cute things to. Message me through Facebook/Myspace or comment this post!~
Starting today, love is my weapon, and I will gladiate .
For this past week I realized how nice it felt to give, and to talk to "strangers" who later turned into new friends. And I want more. I welcome anyone and everyone, I want cute pen pals I could write letters and send cute things to. Message me through Facebook/Myspace or comment this post!~
Starting today, love is my weapon, and I will gladiate .
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Revlon "Beyond Natural" 3x Volume Dramatic eyelashes!
___________________________________________________
12:06 am
After stocking up on snacks, I found myself wandering the makeup aisles of Walmart. I suddenly had a slight urge to want to get fluttery thick dramatic eyelashes, and this is what I found.
^ Found this picture online
I forgot how much this was exactly, but it was about 4 dollars!
I really liked the packaging; For 4 dollars, it was in a sturdy plastic box, and it also came with a cute folded piece of paper I didn't bother reading...
The way it looks and feels, it makes the product appear to be high quality, therefore, I keep it in the box, because It makes me feel like I own a special and expensive item.. Maybe it's the filipino in me LOL
There's also "step by step" instructions on the back , it's very useful and pleasing to the eye for you beginners out there!
I put them on as soon as I got home and I loved them!
It's ultra lightweight, and easy to apply, I was impressed by how soft and smooth they were too.
The only thing I didn't like about it is how shiny they are.
The overall shape of it was okay too, they look like blocks of black on your eyes, me >>> (-.-)
I wasn't so crazy about these because I like eyelashes with more of flattering shape!
Whispy, spikes, crisscross styles...
BUT! After all, This is "Beyond Natural" 3x Volume DRAMATIC eyelashes,
so I wasn't surprised. I bought these eyelashes to satisfy my curiosity, and for pure fun. They look really nice in pictures!
It makes my eyes look more cartoon or "anime" like because the thickness covers my eye crease a bit- It's as if I'm wearing eyeshadow, or really thick eyeliner!
I don't know where I'd wear them out, but here are a couple pictures! enjoy.~
So..... .. .. . . .. .
Hope you enjoyed my mini review!
Goodnight everyone!
And you. <3
Muah.
12:06 am
After stocking up on snacks, I found myself wandering the makeup aisles of Walmart. I suddenly had a slight urge to want to get fluttery thick dramatic eyelashes, and this is what I found.
^ Found this picture online
I forgot how much this was exactly, but it was about 4 dollars!
I really liked the packaging; For 4 dollars, it was in a sturdy plastic box, and it also came with a cute folded piece of paper I didn't bother reading...
The way it looks and feels, it makes the product appear to be high quality, therefore, I keep it in the box, because It makes me feel like I own a special and expensive item.. Maybe it's the filipino in me LOL
There's also "step by step" instructions on the back , it's very useful and pleasing to the eye for you beginners out there!
I put them on as soon as I got home and I loved them!
It's ultra lightweight, and easy to apply, I was impressed by how soft and smooth they were too.
The only thing I didn't like about it is how shiny they are.
The overall shape of it was okay too, they look like blocks of black on your eyes, me >>> (-.-)
I wasn't so crazy about these because I like eyelashes with more of flattering shape!
Whispy, spikes, crisscross styles...
BUT! After all, This is "Beyond Natural" 3x Volume DRAMATIC eyelashes,
so I wasn't surprised. I bought these eyelashes to satisfy my curiosity, and for pure fun. They look really nice in pictures!
It makes my eyes look more cartoon or "anime" like because the thickness covers my eye crease a bit- It's as if I'm wearing eyeshadow, or really thick eyeliner!
I don't know where I'd wear them out, but here are a couple pictures! enjoy.~
So..... .. .. . . .. .
Hope you enjoyed my mini review!
Goodnight everyone!
And you. <3
Muah.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Happy Easter Sunday!
____________________________________________________________
11:22 pm
Hopefully this week will be a better one? Hopefully.
I had a really really really really really nice weekend though. Thanks to him<3
Also, I'm still waiting on ONE more package!
It's probably going to come in tomorrow, or Tuesday.. Expect two reviews!
And for this past week, I guess the only thing that has been keeping me sane was food. I ate a lot of delicious foods....
Now it's almost twelve. And here I am sipping on a chilled can of Sprite..
Uploading pictures onto my lappy, and blogging the night away.
Here is a picture haul of meals/snacks and other new things.
I love Steak, onions and bell peppers... with a fried egg on the side! Beef patties with gravy... I could never get tired of steak.
Heres what I always get at the mall- The Mini Kalbi plate from Pearls barbeque with 4 pcs Fried Man doo, it's my favorite.
My side choices - cabbage and macaroni salad!
These Shrimp Shumai dumplings...
You can buy them anywhere, I got mines from Walmart. You just defrost them in the microwave for 45 seconds, and brown them up a bit on the frying pan if you want it to be crispy! Really tasty. drool/
I don't know where my mom got these, but we have Mickey Mouse chicken nuggets! High quality white chicken meat too! These are too cute to eat.. I always bite the ears off first : D And if you havnt noticed by now, I always add Aji Nori Furitake to my rice!
AND THENNNN
My new snack obsession...
Hawaii Popcorn company's Hawaiian Gourmet Popcorn
I just bought a new bag of the "Red and Green" flavor that's supposedly a local favorite.
It's just sweet red/green colored candied popcorn, but I still like the "Hurricane" flavor better though.
I ate it all and I had to dig it out of my trash to take a picture of the bag,
hee hee.
...................
These are baked mussels my sister brought home! I just ate a few of them,
I loved it. The orange stuff is fish eggs btw.
And LOLOL I stuck them in the microwave to warm them up and one exploded..
LOOK AT IT.
LOOK
AT.
IT.
Fish eggs all over the microwave. ;_;
Lastly, since I've been feeling bad for Shadow, I now allow Shadow to come into my room whenever she wants to, LOL
In the bottom left corner of my window there has always been a teeny hole..
That hole is now big enough for Shadow to climb in... HEE HEE
She comes in late at night to eat my leftovers I usually leave out...
Then she leaves my room when she's done.
But that's after she just lays in bed with me for a while.<3
And when she needs to poop she'll leave.
It's so cute.
..............
.....
Goodnight everyone. <3
11:22 pm
Hopefully this week will be a better one? Hopefully.
I had a really really really really really nice weekend though. Thanks to him<3
Also, I'm still waiting on ONE more package!
It's probably going to come in tomorrow, or Tuesday.. Expect two reviews!
And for this past week, I guess the only thing that has been keeping me sane was food. I ate a lot of delicious foods....
Now it's almost twelve. And here I am sipping on a chilled can of Sprite..
Uploading pictures onto my lappy, and blogging the night away.
Here is a picture haul of meals/snacks and other new things.
I love Steak, onions and bell peppers... with a fried egg on the side! Beef patties with gravy... I could never get tired of steak.
Heres what I always get at the mall- The Mini Kalbi plate from Pearls barbeque with 4 pcs Fried Man doo, it's my favorite.
My side choices - cabbage and macaroni salad!
These Shrimp Shumai dumplings...
You can buy them anywhere, I got mines from Walmart. You just defrost them in the microwave for 45 seconds, and brown them up a bit on the frying pan if you want it to be crispy! Really tasty. drool/
I don't know where my mom got these, but we have Mickey Mouse chicken nuggets! High quality white chicken meat too! These are too cute to eat.. I always bite the ears off first : D And if you havnt noticed by now, I always add Aji Nori Furitake to my rice!
AND THENNNN
My new snack obsession...
Hawaii Popcorn company's Hawaiian Gourmet Popcorn
I just bought a new bag of the "Red and Green" flavor that's supposedly a local favorite.
It's just sweet red/green colored candied popcorn, but I still like the "Hurricane" flavor better though.
I ate it all and I had to dig it out of my trash to take a picture of the bag,
hee hee.
...................
These are baked mussels my sister brought home! I just ate a few of them,
I loved it. The orange stuff is fish eggs btw.
And LOLOL I stuck them in the microwave to warm them up and one exploded..
LOOK AT IT.
LOOK
AT.
IT.
Fish eggs all over the microwave. ;_;
Lastly, since I've been feeling bad for Shadow, I now allow Shadow to come into my room whenever she wants to, LOL
In the bottom left corner of my window there has always been a teeny hole..
That hole is now big enough for Shadow to climb in... HEE HEE
She comes in late at night to eat my leftovers I usually leave out...
Then she leaves my room when she's done.
But that's after she just lays in bed with me for a while.<3
And when she needs to poop she'll leave.
It's so cute.
..............
.....
Goodnight everyone. <3
Friday, April 2, 2010
Friday
9:59 am
____________________________________
I guess I've accepted the fact that the kitten died...
The way it happened is still a shock to me though.
I feel bad for the woman. She loves animals just as much as I do..
How could you live knowing that you stepped on a kitten and killed it?
As fucked up as it sounds, it didn't stop my sister and I's humor.
What if we vandalized her car and sprayed : " KITTY STOMPER" on it, LOL
That's one thing we thought.. I also wished that this was some April Fool's joke..
It's over now, and I no longer mope or cry over things that cant be changed.
I'm more of a thinker, my feelings don't show very well. I just feel bittersweet?
It was still nice to hear the remaining kittens playing in their box outside...
Cat's don't really understand "death."
That's why Shadow is still looking around...
Did you know that?
Animals grieve.
Even when a pet owner dies, sometimes their dogs or cats would wait at the door, for weeks, months, sometimes they'd refuse to eat.
Being taken to vets to take appetite enhancers, some are just traumatized.
They'll keep searching.
I love animals.
Well.
After this not so great week, today is Friday, and I finally got two of my packages!
Also, my foot feels fine, I don't feel any aching muscle pains any more, no itches!
exhales*
I'll do some kind of review for my packages later!
I need to grab some breakfast, be right back!~
____________________________________
I guess I've accepted the fact that the kitten died...
The way it happened is still a shock to me though.
I feel bad for the woman. She loves animals just as much as I do..
How could you live knowing that you stepped on a kitten and killed it?
As fucked up as it sounds, it didn't stop my sister and I's humor.
What if we vandalized her car and sprayed : " KITTY STOMPER" on it, LOL
That's one thing we thought.. I also wished that this was some April Fool's joke..
It's over now, and I no longer mope or cry over things that cant be changed.
I'm more of a thinker, my feelings don't show very well. I just feel bittersweet?
It was still nice to hear the remaining kittens playing in their box outside...
Cat's don't really understand "death."
That's why Shadow is still looking around...
Did you know that?
Animals grieve.
Even when a pet owner dies, sometimes their dogs or cats would wait at the door, for weeks, months, sometimes they'd refuse to eat.
Being taken to vets to take appetite enhancers, some are just traumatized.
They'll keep searching.
I love animals.
Well.
After this not so great week, today is Friday, and I finally got two of my packages!
Also, my foot feels fine, I don't feel any aching muscle pains any more, no itches!
exhales*
I'll do some kind of review for my packages later!
I need to grab some breakfast, be right back!~
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
