Here I go again,

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12:11 am

"Once upon a time, I met this one girl.
She was more than a diamond, more than your common pearl.
No jewel could compare to how much she makes you stare, best ride in the fair… that's why I call her

krystle.

She shone brighter than the sun, makes you wear stunna shades at night,
In a span of 30 days, I was the tunnel, and she became the light.
Let me vow to you right now that I'll never make you frown,
unless we're fucking so hard that you're smiling cuz your'e upside down.
I'll be here for all of your problems,

I'll be sure to stick around until you got none.
It don't matter what you say, you're the highlight of my day,
Krystle: I'm sorry but I"m here to stay.

I'll be here to buy you Doughnuts.
We can be kids together until we have to be grownups .
But even till then, I'll be the one you can come to,
pun intended, girl you know I ___ you. "


-This made me feel much more better.
So he's on the phone snoring right now.. Well, just breathing hard, LOL
And it's just amazing how fast you could cheer me up. Thank you.

So.
Here's a different story about another person.
Tonight I was being a curious kitty again, and got I really upset.
Why do I keep doing this.
Tonight I thought of something that really scared me.
I told myself that I felt I’ve been around for this guy for so long, that I no longer care about being hurt anymore. I’m in love. And that maybe I wouldn’t mind being used.
What if… I said that I like the feeling of being used….?
Maybe it’s a fetish. A dirty habit? I don’t know .
It’s a threat I like to take a different approach to. I’ll find a way to enjoy it.
All of the strong emotions that are involved, make it so addictive.
Emotional pain, love, pleasure, anger… and control?
Looking up at the person you love, and having this anger grow and stir within you, because you know that you are being used and toyed around with.. Resulting in you wanting to make this person feel good.. In the most risque and mischievous way possible. Deliberately causing harm or damage, and being able to control, and be controlled?
After all, we’re all just humans with bones and flesh.
My feelings aren’t hurt easily.
And don’t ask me where my dignity has gone.
That quality is bull. Being worthy of esteem or respect?
I don’t need your respect, and I am not disrespecting my self morals.
I dont comply with your formal rules. I don’t hold back,
I experiment and test myself; I am a mad scientist.

God, this sounds terrible. Maybe I need help.
Just kidding! I got this bitch.

I've been attatched and in love with this guy for so long that I could feel okay if he doesnt feel the same. It's happened before, and as long as he's here, then I'm fine. Then again maybe I'm not soaking his words and feelings he says he has for me. I've been a puppet for this guy for so long, I don't know whether his feelings are false or not.

Then I crawled into bed, and thought.
Do I really need him? Yeah I can handle the pain, but do I still want it?
I've been watching him. Maybe I'm just getting bored of it all.. Maybe I want something new.
I'm just waiting for that moment where he fucks up big time, so I can just completely dissappear. It's always been that way.
I have a really strong moral about me never leaving anyone.
I always stick around.
If you ever disown me, I will haunt you in your dreams, Do you understand that..?
You'll never hear or see me again.

For now, I'm fine, and I'm slowly starting to feel like I'm better than this.
I know, I know, but trust me, it's just really complicated.
Tonight I felt depressed and angry... Then I felt horny. LOL
But I think that's normal, because I'm getting my period soon, and well, nevermind.
lololololol alright.

All I need to say is that there's someone really special sleeping on the phone right now, and I want to go back to bed and join him.
He's been making me feel really weird lately. And he just gives me hope.
goodnight!<3