Sigh

I want a county fair date. :[
Well I already have friend-dates,
but When ever I think of county fair,
I think ferris wheels! Merry go rounds! Music playing.
Couples holding hands- and the girl holding a huge stuffed animal,
The cold air blowing on your skin, Bright lights in every direction, sweet desserts...
and being surrounded by huge crowds of people carrying faces and motives of all kinds.

Yet it feels like this night belongs to just the two of you.
All under a starry sky.
Its a once in a year kind of thing...
I know many of you may think im silly, but its special to me.
Sigh.
I am such a hopeless wreck sometimes.
I'm going to go eat some cereal now, and think about what i just said.
lolol.

Demons in your dreams.

Boy, you look so pretty.

My last day being jailbait.

uh oh.
I feel like I need to do something very drastic and crazy today.
after today, I can actually get arrested now.
omgggg!

AHHHHHH I CUT MY HAIR!!

Im not sure with myself whether I did it because ive always had that urge to go short?
Or! Im just trying to do one of those "after breakup" haircut moves .
Maybe its both.
Yeah. A little bit of both.
I mean, why not? Hair grows.

It's not like it's a permanent decision, and it really marks the occasion.
the change for the better,
A fresh start.

If I cant leave or runaway from this, then change for myself is always the best cure.

And I'm actually happy I did it!

While I was doing it though, I was tearing up- I dont know why.
All of these emotions just started to leak into my head.

I guess it was because I was doing something thats bringing me that one step closer to let go?
That I was chopping off a part of me that was once there...in my last chapter? lets just say that.
I dont want to be the same person I was.
And cutting your hair makes you feel diffrent.
It really does.

For once, I actually feel safe.
Krizko, your'e going to be okay.
:]

Gooooooooooood morning everyone!~

hehehehe. Its actually nine in the morning now. Gooood morning!~ Btw, I love the weather today! Hopefully itll be like this for the next few days! Chilly and clear.

I am not going to procrastinate today. So this morning I woke up searching the nets for some motivationl/inspirational quotes- and heres one I found.

" Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling five balls in the air. You name them - Work, Family, Health, Friends and Spirit and you're keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that Work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls - Family, Health, Friends and Spirit - are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for it."

-This is one of the best metaphorical life quotes I have ever read. Its so true. Things will never be the same . And.........I need to quit playing with my balls.

So the reason why i'm typing this blog so early in the morning is that I feel like being productive today.
Therefore, I am telling myself to not hop onto this evil time consuming laptop until I get alot of things done.
I will be back at midnight.
Sooooo wish meeeee luck!~
Puahahaahahahaha..........WOOOO!!!!

I shouldn't be up right now.

I hate this time of the day.
The part where I cant go to sleep.
I usually do go to bed pretty late- but its diffrent now.
It's really lonely.

Its been years since ive been single, and it's really hard for me to feel "okay."
I keep telling myself i'm over things, but nights like these...
When everyone is asleep, and the day is done,

I'm here in my room,
and all theres left is to think.
It hurts.
I dont want to hurt anyone anymore.

I just can't.... feel anything.

I don't want to.

WHY IS IT SO HOT?!?!??!!?!?

I miss the desserts in the P.I.!
Our halo halo isnt even worthy of being compared to theirs!
Just look at that.
Ube and coconut icecream, topped with fresh fruits, all piled on fluffy shaved ice and sweet milk.- This is perfect for terrible humid days like this.
Which reminds me! I STILL need to upload those pics! Possibly tonight? Maybe. ;]

Sigh.

Recovering from a recent downfall.

Btw,
I miss how tiny Shadow was!
and gentle, and defenseless, and puny!!
Now.....Omg. Now shes so crazy.
She is not afraid of anything.
I think since her childhood was taken away, and her mum and siblings were brutally murdered,
shes turned into a demon kitty I tell you!!
She attacks me sometimes. o-O
And at the same time , I think she needs some kind of therapy because shes always massaging my clothes and sucking pieces of fabrics as if they were nipples.
I'll make a video, and you will understand what i'm talking about. lolol.
Why do they have to grow so fast.

A vent in poem form.

These thoughts, these questions, these views, and perceptions are whirling and jolting in this head of imagination.
It seems that I cannot unleash these emotions through physical actions...
It has grown too heavy, so monstrous, I cant hold this.

To let loose these captive feelings free, in hope for a stable mind, and self satisfaction,
I ask myself:
Why does this obsession, still linger? Why havnt I taken any action?

This infatuation, its still here, and it is growing;
Why must it stay?
It creates conflict, and confusion, weighing me down as it sways.
I tell myself:
I have so much to teach, to influence, to preach.
I have too much to confess, too much of everything, i have cracked,
i will screech.



This is not a poem ; not an ordinary read.
Don't expect a flawless format, and your average rhymes, i plead.
let these words guide you; flow along and glide with me.
i have no time, no sense, and no purpose to conduct grammar nor sentence structure properly,
Im just letting these aquisitions, these confessions, leak and flow.

So please do keep up, and do not get lost,
Take my hand and follow me. and now lets go,
Stay with me, read carefully, analyze correctively,
Because even I am struggling, fumbling for words, to catch up with these endless controversies, these forsaken abnoralities.
My head is pulsing. Convulsing as I speak.
I am suffering, distressed, I am self- torturing. I feel weak.
I FEEL WEAK.

I feel like ive witnessessed and commited so much, that i feel alone.
I feel so alone.
Alone, in this world, of which I call my home.
I understand why its like this,
why my mind has grown so blown!

I feel like Ive visited, had a taste, and experienced both worlds.
The corrupt, the immorality filled, the wrong, the evil swirled.
I have cheated there, I have sinned, I betrayed, and played.
Yet I have forgiven, loved and received love, learned, and obeyed.
I too have lived this present world of the expected good,
this right; the oh infamous holy misunderstood.

Doing so, my life hasnt been so clear,
I have become more complex, more aware that most negatives arent as evil as they appear.
Who are you to judge what is considered wrong?
When you havnt experienced, or committed a sin so strong?

You assume that You know better, that you are forever right.
Because you have never let your sails down, never had evil in sight.
But the wrong doer, has the chance to experience the pleasure, to learn, and expand.
To grasp this unbearable feeling right in his raw hands.
You point, and you plan to brand his face a disgrace?
As for you? You will suffer, Understandings are tougher, and you will go back to your place, in this delusional human race?

Its ironic, as us being humans, we know we deceive.
And when morals lower, and good deeds go slower,
the people you have conceived, are now the naive?


I can see right through many of you, I can read you too easily.
You cannot see me so deep, you cannot see me so clearly.

-Krizko

NEW BLOGSPOT, New everything, oh and a Walmart haul.

Hello and welcome to my new blogspot everyone! Now, Many of you has stumbled to my blogspot for one of the following reasons: One, You are a close friend of mine
and I wanted to share this with you somehow....:]
Two,
you somehow found me through online search engines,
OR Three!, You are a friend of mines on either myspace/Youtube and found me through my evil linking boobie traps. Muahaha.

Whatever the reason is, here you are now! :]
This is my Blogspot that your'e reading right now, not yours! Which means! There is no correct way for me to write/type this. Punctuation, grammar, sentence structure, etcetc, is non existent here. Heck, I even make up new words! Ahem* "fatcoma." (after eating a whole load of Mcdonalds) "Let me lie and sleep here in my little oh fatcoma of greasy oogly goodness. YUSS.....(while rubbing my swollen belly.)

" LOL . Well anyway, if your eyes are scanning along these lines right about now, you, my dear friends, are not only being nosy, (I forgive you, :3) Butt!!!! You are also entering my head. This blog is the bucket to my leaking mind. Any form of emotion or rant will be written on these entries, so just prepare yourself to read the good, the bad, vent sessions.....my perspective, my opinion, my thoughts, or just anything, ANYTHING!!! I feel like writing. DIY crafts, tutorials, hauls, pictures/videoss, - just anything. :]


I made a new blogspot for many, many reasons. Let's just say that it makes things much easier for me to forget the past. *sigh* I'm sorry for my late return everyone, it's just that Iv'e been going through alot of poop for the past few months, especially after I got back from my P.I. trip for my grandpa's funeral...

Alot went down. My past came back to haunt me. Let's just say that.

For the past few weeks, Ive been pretty much in my little Great depression, moping around, trying to heal. Trying to forget. Everything.
I just want to be happy now.
So no more sadfaces for me! It's time to switch my optimistic button on
and just move on right? I fucked up. I need to clean up my own shit. And if noone wants to be a part of it, Then I'll do it alone.
That's pretty much it. And that's exactly what I'm going to do.
Krizko is back, AGAIN. And much more stronger. Sigh* AGAIN. LOL
People that know me knows that I'm always, always in some kind of crazy drama.

I dissapear sometimes, I fuck up ALOT, I experience the most unreal things ever.

Hence the reason why I own this complex mind. My mind has grown corrupt from many scenarios and drowned itself with sinful desires.
For me, Things are slowly changing and progressing, hopefully into something better; let them change.
I think I'm at a point in my life where I need something real. Not just in romance, but in everything. I want to be special to somebody.....Anybody!

But then again, I'm also terrified of that responsibility.

Nothing is the same anymore....Was it for the better? I'm not sure yet, but I do know that everythings going to be okay in the end.

I'm over things, and moving on. Each day is yet another day closer to the day I will figure out why, I am actually here.

What my purpose is. I'm pleased with who I am, and who I'll become.

I'm complex. Keep up.

LOL, now enough with my self motivation speech, and let me share with you what I bought at Walmart the other day!! :D It's pretty much just three clear organizer bins for all the craft supplies I bought at the P.I., more bobby pins, and six 18 in. x 24 in patterned fabric!! I'm excited about using those for small patchwork projects! weee~ Oh! and that little clown boy- I just put him there for fun , heheh your'e going to see him again in the future! hahah. OK BAI. till it be next timeeeeee <3