clouds and stars

12:21 am
hi
I'm back! I moved my laptop again.
I don't know why but I found myself walking outside.
I left my room door slightly closed and I went out my back door.
No lights, the door shut (or so I thought) and I was barefoot too.
I'm wearing only a cotton tank and baby pink silk shorts, I leaned against my door frame and I couldn't control myself from shaking,I was damn cold.
It wasn't bad though, it's an all over body reaction and most of the time I really like it. The fun part is controlling that cold feeling by thinking "warm" thoughts.

everything we feel is all in our brain you know. Whether it be pressure, warmth or cold on your skin. Your attitude about it, what you expect from it, reflecting past pain experiences... If you can rethink and alter what pain feels like , then you can control how you suffer from it.I think the same goes for emotional pain too.

.....

"Hi kitties"
They were watching me this whole time and even started rubbing their bodies at my calves at this point,

It made me shiver more.

Looking out at the sky, I continued to walk forward and stood in front of the porch railing with my arms at my hips.
I would rest my elbows at the wooden rail,
but tonight the morning dew wanted to watch the stars too.

I observed the stars and my surroundings. The light casting from my room and onto the lawn, I looked back at my window and the warm glow insisted that I should get back in. I stayed a little longer and just store at the sky.

...


What if every star in the sky was an idea and every time a star died, it was because someone discovered it? I'm going to pretend that from now on. The sky will always be here. I'll also pretend that clouds are thoughts, and your memory. Just anything we have all seen. They are inspiring and pretty but they come and go. Those memories you have- it's like an ongoing steady slide show. Or a rotating gallery of your life.
Stars are hidden during the day, but we know they're still there. We need to keep searching for them.
We just can't quite find them very well with all the thoughts and memories you always carry with you. That's why the stars are so amazing. It's so simple and mysterious. When everything else around you turns black you can only see the bright in the sky. And you want it. I want it.

...

The cold air blew at the hairs of my face, I held myself. My arms are tiny and my hands were already cold but I wasn't shaking anymore.
The back door creaked.
My heart froze and I turned around only to see the door behind me wide open now, it scared me and I stepped back in and locked the door.
I walked into my room and opened my laptop/

hi.