Playing with a cat toy

It was like playing with a plastic vegetable.
A Cat toy figure with adjustable movable joints.
It squeaked as I rubbed my bare thumbs over its sleek hard skin, and down the nape of its neck.
There was no texture, no artificial fur, no velveteen; it was fake.


Swiveling its arms into inhumane positions, I was doing nothing wrong here.
Was I?
It wasn't alive. It was not moving or breathing and so I continued twisting and turning its arms and hind legs.

Everyone has done something similar to this.
Like spinning a doll's head around and back just because we could.
Or trying to pull joints as far back as the toy could take before popping out.

And so I continued to toy with a toy that only started getting warmer.
Was it the warmth from my hands..?
It didn't stop me though.
The object was no longer stiff, but mold-able and stretchy,
I curiously set it on its back and fixed my eyes onto it's stomach.

There was now a layer of short haired fur, and before I could pick it up,
It inhaled, and wheezed.
Horrified, I picked up the limp twisted body of my cat.


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This was a dream I had a few months ago and I still can't forget it.
I don't play with toys this way anymore because a little part of me is afraid that it may be alive. Or that it at least possesses a soul.

I always considered anything and everything somewhat alive.
Whether it's a potted plant, or a foreign object.
I still believe today that the reason why my father's yard is so green is not because of his good labor care and hard work, but because of all the positive attention that was given to the plants. (just kidding, I think)
When I was a kid, I would sing to my "garden friends"
I would skip around complimenting a flower on how beautiful it's petals are turning out..
I use to sit alone in the garden, and I'd tell them about my day.
How are you? I would ask,
I would cheer up and rub patches of "brown" in the grass too.

My dream also made me think about evil and youth.
Kids are given toys and there's always a select few that yank heads and limbs out of their sockets, cutting nearly all of the hair off a doll, melting with a magnifying glass, ( that you probably got from a bookstore's detective/CIA/SPY kit...) or even trying to scratch the paint out of the eyes.
(I know I did these things)
It's not like we meant to hurt.
just curious, that's all.

right?

Anyways what made me to think about this was my reaction after watching students from my class building's balcony. There was one of those short looking guys with the disproportionate huge shoulders.. I always thought they looked like walking Rottweilers.. (hehe) He was swearing and yelling and then punched a nearby wilting bush. Later he cursed in frustration because the bush had cut his hand.
I smiled.

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And then I walked to the computer lab to type out this blog you are reading now.~~
toodles noodles