12:12 am
____________________
So so so so so so sorry.
For not updating lately...
I've just been really distracted..
cough* tumblr, and cough* boyfriend. <3 LOL'
ANYWAYS I just wanted to post something.
roflrofl
hi
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Everyone, please read!
So I've decided that I need to stop pushing people away. I avoided getting close to others because I was afraid I'd hurt or lose them, and in return I get what I hate most, and that's loneliness. For those who still are here for me, I promise to keep you close. I want to repay everyone back.
For this past week I realized how nice it felt to give, and to talk to "strangers" who later turned into new friends. And I want more. I welcome anyone and everyone, I want cute pen pals I could write letters and send cute things to. Message me through Facebook/Myspace or comment this post!~
Starting today, love is my weapon, and I will gladiate .
For this past week I realized how nice it felt to give, and to talk to "strangers" who later turned into new friends. And I want more. I welcome anyone and everyone, I want cute pen pals I could write letters and send cute things to. Message me through Facebook/Myspace or comment this post!~
Starting today, love is my weapon, and I will gladiate .
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Revlon "Beyond Natural" 3x Volume Dramatic eyelashes!
___________________________________________________
12:06 am
After stocking up on snacks, I found myself wandering the makeup aisles of Walmart. I suddenly had a slight urge to want to get fluttery thick dramatic eyelashes, and this is what I found.
^ Found this picture online
I forgot how much this was exactly, but it was about 4 dollars!
I really liked the packaging; For 4 dollars, it was in a sturdy plastic box, and it also came with a cute folded piece of paper I didn't bother reading...
The way it looks and feels, it makes the product appear to be high quality, therefore, I keep it in the box, because It makes me feel like I own a special and expensive item.. Maybe it's the filipino in me LOL
There's also "step by step" instructions on the back , it's very useful and pleasing to the eye for you beginners out there!
I put them on as soon as I got home and I loved them!
It's ultra lightweight, and easy to apply, I was impressed by how soft and smooth they were too.
The only thing I didn't like about it is how shiny they are.
The overall shape of it was okay too, they look like blocks of black on your eyes, me >>> (-.-)
I wasn't so crazy about these because I like eyelashes with more of flattering shape!
Whispy, spikes, crisscross styles...
BUT! After all, This is "Beyond Natural" 3x Volume DRAMATIC eyelashes,
so I wasn't surprised. I bought these eyelashes to satisfy my curiosity, and for pure fun. They look really nice in pictures!
It makes my eyes look more cartoon or "anime" like because the thickness covers my eye crease a bit- It's as if I'm wearing eyeshadow, or really thick eyeliner!
I don't know where I'd wear them out, but here are a couple pictures! enjoy.~
So..... .. .. . . .. .
Hope you enjoyed my mini review!
Goodnight everyone!
And you. <3
Muah.
12:06 am
After stocking up on snacks, I found myself wandering the makeup aisles of Walmart. I suddenly had a slight urge to want to get fluttery thick dramatic eyelashes, and this is what I found.
^ Found this picture online
I forgot how much this was exactly, but it was about 4 dollars!
I really liked the packaging; For 4 dollars, it was in a sturdy plastic box, and it also came with a cute folded piece of paper I didn't bother reading...
The way it looks and feels, it makes the product appear to be high quality, therefore, I keep it in the box, because It makes me feel like I own a special and expensive item.. Maybe it's the filipino in me LOL
There's also "step by step" instructions on the back , it's very useful and pleasing to the eye for you beginners out there!
I put them on as soon as I got home and I loved them!
It's ultra lightweight, and easy to apply, I was impressed by how soft and smooth they were too.
The only thing I didn't like about it is how shiny they are.
The overall shape of it was okay too, they look like blocks of black on your eyes, me >>> (-.-)
I wasn't so crazy about these because I like eyelashes with more of flattering shape!
Whispy, spikes, crisscross styles...
BUT! After all, This is "Beyond Natural" 3x Volume DRAMATIC eyelashes,
so I wasn't surprised. I bought these eyelashes to satisfy my curiosity, and for pure fun. They look really nice in pictures!
It makes my eyes look more cartoon or "anime" like because the thickness covers my eye crease a bit- It's as if I'm wearing eyeshadow, or really thick eyeliner!
I don't know where I'd wear them out, but here are a couple pictures! enjoy.~
So..... .. .. . . .. .
Hope you enjoyed my mini review!
Goodnight everyone!
And you. <3
Muah.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Happy Easter Sunday!
____________________________________________________________
11:22 pm
Hopefully this week will be a better one? Hopefully.
I had a really really really really really nice weekend though. Thanks to him<3
Also, I'm still waiting on ONE more package!
It's probably going to come in tomorrow, or Tuesday.. Expect two reviews!
And for this past week, I guess the only thing that has been keeping me sane was food. I ate a lot of delicious foods....
Now it's almost twelve. And here I am sipping on a chilled can of Sprite..
Uploading pictures onto my lappy, and blogging the night away.
Here is a picture haul of meals/snacks and other new things.
I love Steak, onions and bell peppers... with a fried egg on the side! Beef patties with gravy... I could never get tired of steak.
Heres what I always get at the mall- The Mini Kalbi plate from Pearls barbeque with 4 pcs Fried Man doo, it's my favorite.
My side choices - cabbage and macaroni salad!
These Shrimp Shumai dumplings...
You can buy them anywhere, I got mines from Walmart. You just defrost them in the microwave for 45 seconds, and brown them up a bit on the frying pan if you want it to be crispy! Really tasty. drool/
I don't know where my mom got these, but we have Mickey Mouse chicken nuggets! High quality white chicken meat too! These are too cute to eat.. I always bite the ears off first : D And if you havnt noticed by now, I always add Aji Nori Furitake to my rice!
AND THENNNN
My new snack obsession...
Hawaii Popcorn company's Hawaiian Gourmet Popcorn
I just bought a new bag of the "Red and Green" flavor that's supposedly a local favorite.
It's just sweet red/green colored candied popcorn, but I still like the "Hurricane" flavor better though.
I ate it all and I had to dig it out of my trash to take a picture of the bag,
hee hee.
...................
These are baked mussels my sister brought home! I just ate a few of them,
I loved it. The orange stuff is fish eggs btw.
And LOLOL I stuck them in the microwave to warm them up and one exploded..
LOOK AT IT.
LOOK
AT.
IT.
Fish eggs all over the microwave. ;_;
Lastly, since I've been feeling bad for Shadow, I now allow Shadow to come into my room whenever she wants to, LOL
In the bottom left corner of my window there has always been a teeny hole..
That hole is now big enough for Shadow to climb in... HEE HEE
She comes in late at night to eat my leftovers I usually leave out...
Then she leaves my room when she's done.
But that's after she just lays in bed with me for a while.<3
And when she needs to poop she'll leave.
It's so cute.
..............
.....
Goodnight everyone. <3
11:22 pm
Hopefully this week will be a better one? Hopefully.
I had a really really really really really nice weekend though. Thanks to him<3
Also, I'm still waiting on ONE more package!
It's probably going to come in tomorrow, or Tuesday.. Expect two reviews!
And for this past week, I guess the only thing that has been keeping me sane was food. I ate a lot of delicious foods....
Now it's almost twelve. And here I am sipping on a chilled can of Sprite..
Uploading pictures onto my lappy, and blogging the night away.
Here is a picture haul of meals/snacks and other new things.
I love Steak, onions and bell peppers... with a fried egg on the side! Beef patties with gravy... I could never get tired of steak.
Heres what I always get at the mall- The Mini Kalbi plate from Pearls barbeque with 4 pcs Fried Man doo, it's my favorite.
My side choices - cabbage and macaroni salad!
These Shrimp Shumai dumplings...
You can buy them anywhere, I got mines from Walmart. You just defrost them in the microwave for 45 seconds, and brown them up a bit on the frying pan if you want it to be crispy! Really tasty. drool/
I don't know where my mom got these, but we have Mickey Mouse chicken nuggets! High quality white chicken meat too! These are too cute to eat.. I always bite the ears off first : D And if you havnt noticed by now, I always add Aji Nori Furitake to my rice!
AND THENNNN
My new snack obsession...
Hawaii Popcorn company's Hawaiian Gourmet Popcorn
I just bought a new bag of the "Red and Green" flavor that's supposedly a local favorite.
It's just sweet red/green colored candied popcorn, but I still like the "Hurricane" flavor better though.
I ate it all and I had to dig it out of my trash to take a picture of the bag,
hee hee.
...................
These are baked mussels my sister brought home! I just ate a few of them,
I loved it. The orange stuff is fish eggs btw.
And LOLOL I stuck them in the microwave to warm them up and one exploded..
LOOK AT IT.
LOOK
AT.
IT.
Fish eggs all over the microwave. ;_;
Lastly, since I've been feeling bad for Shadow, I now allow Shadow to come into my room whenever she wants to, LOL
In the bottom left corner of my window there has always been a teeny hole..
That hole is now big enough for Shadow to climb in... HEE HEE
She comes in late at night to eat my leftovers I usually leave out...
Then she leaves my room when she's done.
But that's after she just lays in bed with me for a while.<3
And when she needs to poop she'll leave.
It's so cute.
..............
.....
Goodnight everyone. <3
Friday, April 2, 2010
Friday
9:59 am
____________________________________
I guess I've accepted the fact that the kitten died...
The way it happened is still a shock to me though.
I feel bad for the woman. She loves animals just as much as I do..
How could you live knowing that you stepped on a kitten and killed it?
As fucked up as it sounds, it didn't stop my sister and I's humor.
What if we vandalized her car and sprayed : " KITTY STOMPER" on it, LOL
That's one thing we thought.. I also wished that this was some April Fool's joke..
It's over now, and I no longer mope or cry over things that cant be changed.
I'm more of a thinker, my feelings don't show very well. I just feel bittersweet?
It was still nice to hear the remaining kittens playing in their box outside...
Cat's don't really understand "death."
That's why Shadow is still looking around...
Did you know that?
Animals grieve.
Even when a pet owner dies, sometimes their dogs or cats would wait at the door, for weeks, months, sometimes they'd refuse to eat.
Being taken to vets to take appetite enhancers, some are just traumatized.
They'll keep searching.
I love animals.
Well.
After this not so great week, today is Friday, and I finally got two of my packages!
Also, my foot feels fine, I don't feel any aching muscle pains any more, no itches!
exhales*
I'll do some kind of review for my packages later!
I need to grab some breakfast, be right back!~
____________________________________
I guess I've accepted the fact that the kitten died...
The way it happened is still a shock to me though.
I feel bad for the woman. She loves animals just as much as I do..
How could you live knowing that you stepped on a kitten and killed it?
As fucked up as it sounds, it didn't stop my sister and I's humor.
What if we vandalized her car and sprayed : " KITTY STOMPER" on it, LOL
That's one thing we thought.. I also wished that this was some April Fool's joke..
It's over now, and I no longer mope or cry over things that cant be changed.
I'm more of a thinker, my feelings don't show very well. I just feel bittersweet?
It was still nice to hear the remaining kittens playing in their box outside...
Cat's don't really understand "death."
That's why Shadow is still looking around...
Did you know that?
Animals grieve.
Even when a pet owner dies, sometimes their dogs or cats would wait at the door, for weeks, months, sometimes they'd refuse to eat.
Being taken to vets to take appetite enhancers, some are just traumatized.
They'll keep searching.
I love animals.
Well.
After this not so great week, today is Friday, and I finally got two of my packages!
Also, my foot feels fine, I don't feel any aching muscle pains any more, no itches!
exhales*
I'll do some kind of review for my packages later!
I need to grab some breakfast, be right back!~
Thursday, April 1, 2010
I'm sorry Shadow.
11:35 pm
_____________________________
Today was... not great.
One of Shadow's kittens died.
I'm not sure which one yet, but it's one of the black ones..
I'm just too afraid and not ready to see which one it was.
So.
This afternoon, My sister and I was home and we suddenly heard our renters fighting again. This has happened before. The first time, the police had to come over, and I overheard the woman talking to them about their relationship, and how they have a past of domestic abuse on both parts.
They've been living downstairs in this nice studio for about three months now.
A couple, and her daughter. The woman is in her late twenties, still finishing up college, and working two jobs. She pays for the rent, and She is either divorced or apart from her ex love; She moved to Maui and met her new boyfriend here.
The man on the other hand (her boyfriend, now ex) , has no job, regularly goes to bars/clubs, and from what she said, "parties a lot." He comes home late drunk and angry sometimes..
My room is just above their studio so I can pretty much hear everything.
I feel bad for her daughter sometimes, she's 13? 14?
Anyways.
My sister and I heard them arguing.. It later transitioned to yelling, then screaming, we heard things being thrown, then, we heard crying and it just got out of hand. I heard someone run up the stairs and knock quickly at our back door, it was her daughter, her eyes were pouring tears, she stuttered as she asked where my parents were, Then the lady ran out to the stairs and frantically asked the same question, and she ran back in.
I was scared as shit, I didn't know what happened, and then cops got here.
Things got quiet, and my sister looked out the window.
She saw the woman kneeling down, holding one of the black kittens in her hands.
It's body limp and bent, crooked.
She told me and I started crying so hard, so many things ran threw my head, I didn't know what to do, or what to think!
I heard the door slam, did they slam the door on the kitten? We heard things being thrown around, is that how it could of gotten hurt? Did one of them hurt it out of anger? I had no fucking idea.
I was so fucking upset.
After pacing around and making a few calls to our parents/ boyfriends our uncle came upstairs.
He said that he tried reviving the kitten, but it couldn't make it. And this is what went down, according to what she explained to the cops.
They were arguing because he was on drugs, or was drunk, and things just got really bad. He tried beating her, and when she ran out the door away from him, she accidentally stepped (or stumbled onto) one of the kittens that were sleeping in front of their door.
Just the thought of it suffering made me sick.
The police took him away and I think he was arrested for abusing her, I'm not sure.
And everyone pretty much cried. The woman and her daughter got really close to Shadow's kittens as well, so they felt extremely guilty and apologized for what happened today. My parents later came home and we told them everything. My dad buried the kitten. The house was quiet tonight.
Now.
The thing my sister and I was talking about... these crazy fucked up relationships.
For the couples that fight way too much, that stay in these abusive hurtful relationships... It's so fucking selfish. I hope this incident opens this woman's eyes. You're not only hurting each other. You are hurting everyone else around you.
Also, this woman seemed a bit psycho in the relationship. Like she could of provoked it. Then it led to us talking about how it's so arrogant of guys to complain about "psycho ex girlfriends." Yeah they may be crazy, but they weren't born that way. Something may have happened for them to behave the way they do.
I am very upset about this, but I don't hate them. I don't personally know them, it was just bad luck. It was a horrible accident.
I'm sorry Shadow. She only has three kittens now. I'm so angry at myself for not taking a picture of all them together.. I've only taken a picture of Ink. And it could be him. My sister brought Rocky upstairs so it's either Ink, or Luna. I feel so bad for Shadow. She's been looking around for hours, meowing for her missing kitten. I sneaked her through my window earlier to feed her shrimp and Vienna sausages, it's like she knew her kitten was gone- Her meows sounded like she was mourning.
I'm so sorry Shadow. I told her that. All those nights she individually tried sneaking in each kitten into our house, looking for a different place for them to grow. She didn't trust the renters. She wanted her kittens in my room not outside, but my dad didn't approve. I feel so fucking bad right now. Don't tell me it's just a cat. I love animals. They think, they observe, they remember their names, remember people, they have hearts. I can't imagine how it feels like to lose your child. I have so many things to say, but I should stop.
I am so sorry Shadow<3
---
I promise I'll update/reply to formsprings tomorrow ok?
I wasn't in the best mood today, and I need to get some sleep.
My foot is feeling better btw.
Till it be morrow.~
_____________________________
Today was... not great.
One of Shadow's kittens died.
I'm not sure which one yet, but it's one of the black ones..
I'm just too afraid and not ready to see which one it was.
So.
This afternoon, My sister and I was home and we suddenly heard our renters fighting again. This has happened before. The first time, the police had to come over, and I overheard the woman talking to them about their relationship, and how they have a past of domestic abuse on both parts.
They've been living downstairs in this nice studio for about three months now.
A couple, and her daughter. The woman is in her late twenties, still finishing up college, and working two jobs. She pays for the rent, and She is either divorced or apart from her ex love; She moved to Maui and met her new boyfriend here.
The man on the other hand (her boyfriend, now ex) , has no job, regularly goes to bars/clubs, and from what she said, "parties a lot." He comes home late drunk and angry sometimes..
My room is just above their studio so I can pretty much hear everything.
I feel bad for her daughter sometimes, she's 13? 14?
Anyways.
My sister and I heard them arguing.. It later transitioned to yelling, then screaming, we heard things being thrown, then, we heard crying and it just got out of hand. I heard someone run up the stairs and knock quickly at our back door, it was her daughter, her eyes were pouring tears, she stuttered as she asked where my parents were, Then the lady ran out to the stairs and frantically asked the same question, and she ran back in.
I was scared as shit, I didn't know what happened, and then cops got here.
Things got quiet, and my sister looked out the window.
She saw the woman kneeling down, holding one of the black kittens in her hands.
It's body limp and bent, crooked.
She told me and I started crying so hard, so many things ran threw my head, I didn't know what to do, or what to think!
I heard the door slam, did they slam the door on the kitten? We heard things being thrown around, is that how it could of gotten hurt? Did one of them hurt it out of anger? I had no fucking idea.
I was so fucking upset.
After pacing around and making a few calls to our parents/ boyfriends our uncle came upstairs.
He said that he tried reviving the kitten, but it couldn't make it. And this is what went down, according to what she explained to the cops.
They were arguing because he was on drugs, or was drunk, and things just got really bad. He tried beating her, and when she ran out the door away from him, she accidentally stepped (or stumbled onto) one of the kittens that were sleeping in front of their door.
Just the thought of it suffering made me sick.
The police took him away and I think he was arrested for abusing her, I'm not sure.
And everyone pretty much cried. The woman and her daughter got really close to Shadow's kittens as well, so they felt extremely guilty and apologized for what happened today. My parents later came home and we told them everything. My dad buried the kitten. The house was quiet tonight.
Now.
The thing my sister and I was talking about... these crazy fucked up relationships.
For the couples that fight way too much, that stay in these abusive hurtful relationships... It's so fucking selfish. I hope this incident opens this woman's eyes. You're not only hurting each other. You are hurting everyone else around you.
Also, this woman seemed a bit psycho in the relationship. Like she could of provoked it. Then it led to us talking about how it's so arrogant of guys to complain about "psycho ex girlfriends." Yeah they may be crazy, but they weren't born that way. Something may have happened for them to behave the way they do.
I am very upset about this, but I don't hate them. I don't personally know them, it was just bad luck. It was a horrible accident.
I'm sorry Shadow. She only has three kittens now. I'm so angry at myself for not taking a picture of all them together.. I've only taken a picture of Ink. And it could be him. My sister brought Rocky upstairs so it's either Ink, or Luna. I feel so bad for Shadow. She's been looking around for hours, meowing for her missing kitten. I sneaked her through my window earlier to feed her shrimp and Vienna sausages, it's like she knew her kitten was gone- Her meows sounded like she was mourning.
I'm so sorry Shadow. I told her that. All those nights she individually tried sneaking in each kitten into our house, looking for a different place for them to grow. She didn't trust the renters. She wanted her kittens in my room not outside, but my dad didn't approve. I feel so fucking bad right now. Don't tell me it's just a cat. I love animals. They think, they observe, they remember their names, remember people, they have hearts. I can't imagine how it feels like to lose your child. I have so many things to say, but I should stop.
I am so sorry Shadow<3
---
I promise I'll update/reply to formsprings tomorrow ok?
I wasn't in the best mood today, and I need to get some sleep.
My foot is feeling better btw.
Till it be morrow.~
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Wednesday!
________________________________________________
8:08 pm
Hey, a lot of your comments inspired me to come back and continue updating my blog!
I am really sorry for not being very active... I've just been really busy,
cough* masturbating
Anyways! I've been reading back on my old entries, and I am starting to realize that I love my posts..and I enjoy reading them a lot.
Lately I have been having a lot of emotional posts... Maybe that's why I've stopped posting because I vowed to myself that I would stop writing about a specific subject, and I just don't want everyone to think I'm a emotional wreck.
heh.
For those of you that want to follow my blog, I'm sorry about taking down my follow button, I just thought it looked really ugly LOL
But! There is still a way to follow me!
Go to your blogger home (dashboard) and right below the list of all the blogs you are following, there is a "ADD" and "MANAGE" button. Click on the "add" and paste my blog url (http://krizkoblog.blogspot.com/) in there! And Ta dah!~
You are now following me on Blogger.
I think I'll just add a follow button somehow in the side bar so...
:D
[Re-edit] OK I FINALLY ADDED A FOLLOW BUTTON LOL
okok!
So as I was saying, I need to get back in the habit of updating my blog...
Also replying back to people on my cbox and formspring...
I think I'll do a review on the rest of my contacts soon..
Also, I'm expecting three packages in the mail! Including possible Kitten fabric from a online friend!
I've been introduced to Ebay people.
I'm scared too.
I have more to tell you, but I'm gonna go get some breakfast! French toast and coffee is calling me.
Be right back honeysuckles.
__________________________________________________
11:51 pm
YES I MADE IT
so......
On Monday, It was a great day.
The air was cool, the sun was out, the birds were chirping, and I went outside barefoot to grab the laundry that was hanging dry. That was sweet too. My cats following me around, playing with my feet...
I grinned at them for being extra playful while I tip toed.. grabbing the linen and cotton sheets, they were so observant, and well, cute.
With a full load of laundry I picked the plastic basket up and I skipped my way back into the house, humming a melody to myself.
Halfway there I froze, and the basket falls to the ground.
Sucking in my gut I felt a sharp pain under my foot. I sat myself down and just store at it.
It wiggled.
ITS A FUCKING BEE STINGER
I braced myself and pulled it out with my fingernails..
A sweet scent on my tips was left, I thought it was cool
Having no knowledge about bee stings, I picked the basket up once again and I continued my way into my home.
Every second after I stood up, my foot began to pulse and stab with pain, I freaked out and ran into my room.
I sat on my bed squeezing my foot because the pain was so strong, I didn't know what to do or what was happening to me, I called him.<3
He was worried and he was really trying to help me..
I fucking love him.
Asking me about any reactions to be sure I wasn't allergic, or I wasn't going to die soon, LOL
After all, this was my first bee sting!
Being the stubborn person I am, I said I didn't need the baking powder or Apple cider vinegar he said I should use.. (It's suppose to help soothe the pain, and clean out the bee venom)
I thought bee stings weren't anything special, that it would go away in an hour or two.. Yeah it hurt, but hey I can handle a few hours..
All I did was clean my foot with alcohol, and seal it with a band- aid.
fuck me.
Its already Wednesday and I've been limping.
I feel like I'm stepping on a swollen ball, and it just hurts and itches...
I feel like my foot is going to fall off!!!
I couldn't even go out with the family to Walmart and Costco because I can't walk like a normal person..
It looks like I had really rough sex..
Anyways, It's getting better though!
My packages didn't come in today either, sad face.
Hopefully tommorrow!
....
..
...
Even though my week has been very unlucky... I feel extremely happy.
With him.
Tonight I felt like new doors were opened.. I've done something I've never done before and he just makes me feel so comfortable.
Not a hundred percent, but I'm getting there!
it's a really nice feeling.
My whole day pretty much revolved around him, and it was great.
Tommorow I will reply back to everyone okay?
My hands were full today (if you know what i mean ;] )
LOL jk
But tommorow! I need to get back to everyone!<3333333333
Goodnight!~
8:08 pm
Hey, a lot of your comments inspired me to come back and continue updating my blog!
I am really sorry for not being very active... I've just been really busy,
cough* masturbating
Anyways! I've been reading back on my old entries, and I am starting to realize that I love my posts..and I enjoy reading them a lot.
Lately I have been having a lot of emotional posts... Maybe that's why I've stopped posting because I vowed to myself that I would stop writing about a specific subject, and I just don't want everyone to think I'm a emotional wreck.
heh.
For those of you that want to follow my blog, I'm sorry about taking down my follow button, I just thought it looked really ugly LOL
But! There is still a way to follow me!
Go to your blogger home (dashboard) and right below the list of all the blogs you are following, there is a "ADD" and "MANAGE" button. Click on the "add" and paste my blog url (http://krizkoblog.blogspot.com/) in there! And Ta dah!~
You are now following me on Blogger.
I think I'll just add a follow button somehow in the side bar so...
:D
[Re-edit] OK I FINALLY ADDED A FOLLOW BUTTON LOL
okok!
So as I was saying, I need to get back in the habit of updating my blog...
Also replying back to people on my cbox and formspring...
I think I'll do a review on the rest of my contacts soon..
Also, I'm expecting three packages in the mail! Including possible Kitten fabric from a online friend!
I've been introduced to Ebay people.
I'm scared too.
I have more to tell you, but I'm gonna go get some breakfast! French toast and coffee is calling me.
Be right back honeysuckles.
__________________________________________________
11:51 pm
YES I MADE IT
so......
On Monday, It was a great day.
The air was cool, the sun was out, the birds were chirping, and I went outside barefoot to grab the laundry that was hanging dry. That was sweet too. My cats following me around, playing with my feet...
I grinned at them for being extra playful while I tip toed.. grabbing the linen and cotton sheets, they were so observant, and well, cute.
With a full load of laundry I picked the plastic basket up and I skipped my way back into the house, humming a melody to myself.
Halfway there I froze, and the basket falls to the ground.
Sucking in my gut I felt a sharp pain under my foot. I sat myself down and just store at it.
It wiggled.
ITS A FUCKING BEE STINGER
I braced myself and pulled it out with my fingernails..
A sweet scent on my tips was left, I thought it was cool
Having no knowledge about bee stings, I picked the basket up once again and I continued my way into my home.
Every second after I stood up, my foot began to pulse and stab with pain, I freaked out and ran into my room.
I sat on my bed squeezing my foot because the pain was so strong, I didn't know what to do or what was happening to me, I called him.<3
He was worried and he was really trying to help me..
I fucking love him.
Asking me about any reactions to be sure I wasn't allergic, or I wasn't going to die soon, LOL
After all, this was my first bee sting!
Being the stubborn person I am, I said I didn't need the baking powder or Apple cider vinegar he said I should use.. (It's suppose to help soothe the pain, and clean out the bee venom)
I thought bee stings weren't anything special, that it would go away in an hour or two.. Yeah it hurt, but hey I can handle a few hours..
All I did was clean my foot with alcohol, and seal it with a band- aid.
fuck me.
Its already Wednesday and I've been limping.
I feel like I'm stepping on a swollen ball, and it just hurts and itches...
I feel like my foot is going to fall off!!!
I couldn't even go out with the family to Walmart and Costco because I can't walk like a normal person..
It looks like I had really rough sex..
Anyways, It's getting better though!
My packages didn't come in today either, sad face.
Hopefully tommorrow!
....
..
...
Even though my week has been very unlucky... I feel extremely happy.
With him.
Tonight I felt like new doors were opened.. I've done something I've never done before and he just makes me feel so comfortable.
Not a hundred percent, but I'm getting there!
it's a really nice feeling.
My whole day pretty much revolved around him, and it was great.
Tommorow I will reply back to everyone okay?
My hands were full today (if you know what i mean ;] )
LOL jk
But tommorow! I need to get back to everyone!<3333333333
Goodnight!~
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
Tapioca pudding
__________________________________________________________
12:53 am
Tapioca pudding on my tongue...
If only semen tasted like tapioca pudding.. .. .... .... . . ..
Well. I sure was emotional this weekend.
Maybe it's because i'm getting my period soon?
I've never felt so depressed and unhappy like that though.
I cried hard.. digging my face into my pillow to groan and scream.
I've never cried to the point where it was hard to see.
Not eyes so blurry with tears, (I actually think everything looks pretty that way)
but because I swelled up so much.
They still are, but it's getting better!
Sigh. \
I need to man up.
"Stiffen up that upper lip."
I have too many reasons to not be "unhappy"
I always think about all the people that could have it worse,
Or at all the things I have.
I have a loving supporting family,And even though I haven't met many of you out there,
All of you are still living breathing humans behind a computer screen.
Just like me. Reading texts, viewing pictures, clicking anything and everything that pleases the eye..
I appreciate all of the support I've been given. I really do.
I read everything, every positive kind comment given, it gives me temporary happy feelings, LOL
but really.
I've been doing a lot of thinking. About what I want. Who I am. Who I want to be. Where I want to go. And I realized.. That I need to stop trying to manipulate my life. I am in control of what I do. And that's it.
I am going to stop trying to make every single thing go my way. I'm learning to take life as it comes at me. Even if a lot of things seem like I'm at the right place at the wrong time, I will make the best of it. I've been given the most amazing family, a good home, the best of friends, a passion (art),... and now it's my job to turn what I've been given into something. And I realized, that I need only one person in my life to do that. And that's me.
Tonight I thought. What do I want to be remembered for when I die? Do I want to be that girl everyone loved? Or do I want to be the girl everyone looked up to? The one they admired? Who do I want to be? Or rather... Who am I?
I'm Krystle. :)
I am a strong girl. And sure, I may not have been through the things some of you have.. but what I have been through has hurt too, and it has affected me.
These things tore me apart. I became weak.
I lost nearly everything. And I will never get it back.
These friends, these people around me, In 10 years they wont mean a thing.
No one will give a shit about what you did.
What's going to matter is how you progressed from it.
I'm going to stop dwelling on my past. I need to accept my childhood, I need to stop picking at myself for that.
I'm going to take a different approach to this.
I want to be happy.
12:53 am
Tapioca pudding on my tongue...
If only semen tasted like tapioca pudding.. .. .... .... . . ..
Well. I sure was emotional this weekend.
Maybe it's because i'm getting my period soon?
I've never felt so depressed and unhappy like that though.
I cried hard.. digging my face into my pillow to groan and scream.
I've never cried to the point where it was hard to see.
Not eyes so blurry with tears, (I actually think everything looks pretty that way)
but because I swelled up so much.
They still are, but it's getting better!
Sigh. \
I need to man up.
"Stiffen up that upper lip."
I have too many reasons to not be "unhappy"
I always think about all the people that could have it worse,
Or at all the things I have.
I have a loving supporting family,And even though I haven't met many of you out there,
All of you are still living breathing humans behind a computer screen.
Just like me. Reading texts, viewing pictures, clicking anything and everything that pleases the eye..
I appreciate all of the support I've been given. I really do.
I read everything, every positive kind comment given, it gives me temporary happy feelings, LOL
but really.
I've been doing a lot of thinking. About what I want. Who I am. Who I want to be. Where I want to go. And I realized.. That I need to stop trying to manipulate my life. I am in control of what I do. And that's it.
I am going to stop trying to make every single thing go my way. I'm learning to take life as it comes at me. Even if a lot of things seem like I'm at the right place at the wrong time, I will make the best of it. I've been given the most amazing family, a good home, the best of friends, a passion (art),... and now it's my job to turn what I've been given into something. And I realized, that I need only one person in my life to do that. And that's me.
Tonight I thought. What do I want to be remembered for when I die? Do I want to be that girl everyone loved? Or do I want to be the girl everyone looked up to? The one they admired? Who do I want to be? Or rather... Who am I?
I'm Krystle. :)
I am a strong girl. And sure, I may not have been through the things some of you have.. but what I have been through has hurt too, and it has affected me.
These things tore me apart. I became weak.
I lost nearly everything. And I will never get it back.
These friends, these people around me, In 10 years they wont mean a thing.
No one will give a shit about what you did.
What's going to matter is how you progressed from it.
I'm going to stop dwelling on my past. I need to accept my childhood, I need to stop picking at myself for that.
I'm going to take a different approach to this.
I want to be happy.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
FUCK RUCK FUCK
---------------------------------------
3:31 AM
me.
kpoifjkelmafoefolf:ohjbnkl:"lfkjaef:"f>AWD:>A:F>E:F
FUCK ME.
FUCK ME
FUCK MY CURIOSITY
I NEED TO GO TO SLEEP
FUCK THIS
_____________________________________________________________
2:41 pm
Ok.
I am okay.
I'm just really numb and emotionless right now, so i'm just going to be away for a while! I need some fresh air.
Be back tonight-
3:31 AM
me.
kpoifjkelmafoefolf:ohjbnkl:"lfkjaef:"f>AWD:>A:F>E:F
FUCK ME.
FUCK ME
FUCK MY CURIOSITY
I NEED TO GO TO SLEEP
FUCK THIS
_____________________________________________________________
2:41 pm
Ok.
I am okay.
I'm just really numb and emotionless right now, so i'm just going to be away for a while! I need some fresh air.
Be back tonight-
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Damn March 7
_____________________________
9:32
So guess what I got in the mail yesterday!
A special package from a special someone! ;] <3
For a ring, it came in a big box, Which is a GOOD thing.
So A+ for packaging Hot Topic!
The bigger the package, the better of a chance of it not being lost during delivery!
And delivery was lightning fast too.
When you open it, there's brown packaging paper, and the cute ring wrapped in bubble wrap!
I squealed.
I was really surprised of the quality at first. (Since this ring was $8.00)
The ring was heavy and seemed like it was some kind of expensive steel~
BUT actually, we believe it COULD be copper underneath.. But who knows, I didn't scuff my ring yet ;]
Later in the day we headed to the mall to eat lunch at Pearls Barbecue!
I got a Mini Kalbi plate with Fried mandoo, cabbage, pickled seaweed, and rice!
YOMM!
^
LOL when it pauses. I look like a na na.
Got to the movies early to wait in line, and I bought a fucking 5 DOLLAR Icee slushie...
le sigh.
Also did simple Cheshire cat inspired nails!
I love you.
__________________________________
9:32
So guess what I got in the mail yesterday!
A special package from a special someone! ;] <3
For a ring, it came in a big box, Which is a GOOD thing.
So A+ for packaging Hot Topic!
The bigger the package, the better of a chance of it not being lost during delivery!
And delivery was lightning fast too.
When you open it, there's brown packaging paper, and the cute ring wrapped in bubble wrap!
I squealed.
I was really surprised of the quality at first. (Since this ring was $8.00)
The ring was heavy and seemed like it was some kind of expensive steel~
BUT actually, we believe it COULD be copper underneath.. But who knows, I didn't scuff my ring yet ;]
Later in the day we headed to the mall to eat lunch at Pearls Barbecue!
I got a Mini Kalbi plate with Fried mandoo, cabbage, pickled seaweed, and rice!
YOMM!
^
LOL when it pauses. I look like a na na.
Got to the movies early to wait in line, and I bought a fucking 5 DOLLAR Icee slushie...
le sigh.
Also did simple Cheshire cat inspired nails!
I love you.
__________________________________
Monday, March 1, 2010
Last one for you.
____________________________
12:57 am
Hey.
This is the last post I'll ever mention you.
-You're welcome.
Don't tell me it makes you sad that I'm ignoring you.
That word makes it seem as if I am being wrong to you.
Yeah, I'm choosing not to have anything to do with you, but it's not me being ignorant or inconsiderate.
What you did, was painful.
You knew exactly what you were doing. Everything was fine between us,
(or so it seemed) and then suddenly you became distant and uninterested.
I found out for myself, and now you'd like you and I to still be "cool"...?
Really..?
No.
You were secretive and dishonest with me. If only you told me what was going on, and what you really wanted. If you sat me down and reasoned with me, I would understand and still want to be there for you no matter what.
Now, it disgusts me to see how excited you get with new jewels that sparkle in front of your eyes. It's child like.
But hey, I don't know anything at all.
I really don't.
And I don't want to hear it.
You want us to still be friends?
Why..?
So when things don't go right, you can always come back to me like old times?
The only thing I was in love with was your mind and soul. Cheesy as it sounds, I was in love with "us."
Because I felt like we've been in so much shit that we could always go to each other for comfort. That no one else could understand us or the things we've done.
I do not care about how many girls you've fucked (emotionally and/or physically) Those kind of things are forgivable. I own an extremely complex mind, many things are forgivable and acceptable to me.
But when you hide things from me and push me away, I can't do anything.
I strongly believe in equality- It means I don't chase after others.
It's important to me that we are all fair.
I'm a fucking Libra.
I will not feel okay leading a person on, or to chase others, and vice verse.
If I am pushed away, you break us as a whole, "We" do not exist anymore.
Then again, maybe I was just in love with "us."
It was like our little get away. When things changed, we changed.
I started to see through that. This secret "love" we had.
and I'd question you.
Taking out every bit, I observed and analyzed everything I knew about us.
You never did seem to want to truly connect with me.
You never did understand the reasons why I felt the way I felt.
I don't think you are even aware of how brain sick I am.
Gtfo.
just kidding.
Well, just don't worry about me. I'll be fine.
Thanks for the experience and your time.
I really do not have anything left to say to you.
_______________________________________________________________
1:14 am
Here's an explanation for you, and for anyone else that is curious to know why I am so "abnormal", odd, unusual, and/or "fucked up".
My childhood was different. It was not terrible though. A person I was close with did things to me at a very young age, so I didn't understand whether it was wrong or right, all I knew was that I made that person happy. And it pleased me that I did. We created this really close bond, and when I started to get older, I became very unsure, and things became forceful and frightening. One day It went too far, we just stopped. And it was never spoken of again. I lived my life as a normal kid, never did I once look back and wonder about it. I'd be utterly frustrated and confused with all of my relationships. Sometimes I'd look at my partner as if he were a brother to me. Doing physical things confused me, it seemed as if we were just conducting actions, exchanging saliva, and feeling flesh and skin most of the time. I was good at a lot of things, I loved to please to excite, and I still do.
I would observe and watch them, I would look into their eyes and just wonder. They always ask me why I do that. When I give you that "look." I was curious to know what they could be thinking or feeling... Playing with your hair and watching you fall asleep. I do feel that cute lovey dovey feeling, but I always question it. I am reminded and I end up over thinking. Then I just feel overwhelmed and flushed out. And I become numb.
Even till today, I am still confused with myself. I don't like to think about it because I end up becoming really depressed.
I'm just a huge mess, and I know it. That's why I've been so distant and careful with getting close to others. I don't want to hurt them. I feel that I may be too much. Maybe I need help.
There's also this guy. I've been talking to him for quite a while now, and he says that he could "fix" me.
I hope so.<3
[*Re-edit - To "fix"..... It sounds really bad I know. Allow me to re-word this..
He says that he can make me understand what "love" feels like, and keep it that way. Does that sound better?<3]
Yeah. I can say a lot of my past relationships weren't very good at "love making" LOL
(But please don't be offended. These people were never aware of my past.
It was just recently that I even began to remember it too.)
With them, It all seemed like deeds to me.
And there was very little foreplay.
Or foreplay was rushed to get there.
I obviously did not mind because I liked making them feel good.
A few ended quickly because it seemed that that's all we ever were.. I got bored.
Here's the problem, I need someone that can handle and control me, tease me.
Surprise and hold me down. Give attention to every limb on my body and take over.
It doesn't even have to be sexual.
When you hold my hand, I don't want to be dragged around aisles of a grocery store like a puppy. I don't want to feel like a child holding your hand.
I want you to take my hand and I want to feel safe holding on to it.
Okay now my words are turning corny.
I should stop now..
Leave me alone!!!!
LOL
ok bye
12:57 am
Hey.
This is the last post I'll ever mention you.
-You're welcome.
Don't tell me it makes you sad that I'm ignoring you.
That word makes it seem as if I am being wrong to you.
Yeah, I'm choosing not to have anything to do with you, but it's not me being ignorant or inconsiderate.
What you did, was painful.
You knew exactly what you were doing. Everything was fine between us,
(or so it seemed) and then suddenly you became distant and uninterested.
I found out for myself, and now you'd like you and I to still be "cool"...?
Really..?
No.
You were secretive and dishonest with me. If only you told me what was going on, and what you really wanted. If you sat me down and reasoned with me, I would understand and still want to be there for you no matter what.
Now, it disgusts me to see how excited you get with new jewels that sparkle in front of your eyes. It's child like.
But hey, I don't know anything at all.
I really don't.
And I don't want to hear it.
You want us to still be friends?
Why..?
So when things don't go right, you can always come back to me like old times?
The only thing I was in love with was your mind and soul. Cheesy as it sounds, I was in love with "us."
Because I felt like we've been in so much shit that we could always go to each other for comfort. That no one else could understand us or the things we've done.
I do not care about how many girls you've fucked (emotionally and/or physically) Those kind of things are forgivable. I own an extremely complex mind, many things are forgivable and acceptable to me.
But when you hide things from me and push me away, I can't do anything.
I strongly believe in equality- It means I don't chase after others.
It's important to me that we are all fair.
I'm a fucking Libra.
I will not feel okay leading a person on, or to chase others, and vice verse.
If I am pushed away, you break us as a whole, "We" do not exist anymore.
Then again, maybe I was just in love with "us."
It was like our little get away. When things changed, we changed.
I started to see through that. This secret "love" we had.
and I'd question you.
Taking out every bit, I observed and analyzed everything I knew about us.
You never did seem to want to truly connect with me.
You never did understand the reasons why I felt the way I felt.
I don't think you are even aware of how brain sick I am.
Gtfo.
just kidding.
Well, just don't worry about me. I'll be fine.
Thanks for the experience and your time.
I really do not have anything left to say to you.
_______________________________________________________________
1:14 am
Here's an explanation for you, and for anyone else that is curious to know why I am so "abnormal", odd, unusual, and/or "fucked up".
My childhood was different. It was not terrible though. A person I was close with did things to me at a very young age, so I didn't understand whether it was wrong or right, all I knew was that I made that person happy. And it pleased me that I did. We created this really close bond, and when I started to get older, I became very unsure, and things became forceful and frightening. One day It went too far, we just stopped. And it was never spoken of again. I lived my life as a normal kid, never did I once look back and wonder about it. I'd be utterly frustrated and confused with all of my relationships. Sometimes I'd look at my partner as if he were a brother to me. Doing physical things confused me, it seemed as if we were just conducting actions, exchanging saliva, and feeling flesh and skin most of the time. I was good at a lot of things, I loved to please to excite, and I still do.
I would observe and watch them, I would look into their eyes and just wonder. They always ask me why I do that. When I give you that "look." I was curious to know what they could be thinking or feeling... Playing with your hair and watching you fall asleep. I do feel that cute lovey dovey feeling, but I always question it. I am reminded and I end up over thinking. Then I just feel overwhelmed and flushed out. And I become numb.
Even till today, I am still confused with myself. I don't like to think about it because I end up becoming really depressed.
I'm just a huge mess, and I know it. That's why I've been so distant and careful with getting close to others. I don't want to hurt them. I feel that I may be too much. Maybe I need help.
There's also this guy. I've been talking to him for quite a while now, and he says that he could "fix" me.
I hope so.<3
[*Re-edit - To "fix"..... It sounds really bad I know. Allow me to re-word this..
He says that he can make me understand what "love" feels like, and keep it that way. Does that sound better?<3]
Yeah. I can say a lot of my past relationships weren't very good at "love making" LOL
(But please don't be offended. These people were never aware of my past.
It was just recently that I even began to remember it too.)
With them, It all seemed like deeds to me.
And there was very little foreplay.
Or foreplay was rushed to get there.
I obviously did not mind because I liked making them feel good.
A few ended quickly because it seemed that that's all we ever were.. I got bored.
Here's the problem, I need someone that can handle and control me, tease me.
Surprise and hold me down. Give attention to every limb on my body and take over.
It doesn't even have to be sexual.
When you hold my hand, I don't want to be dragged around aisles of a grocery store like a puppy. I don't want to feel like a child holding your hand.
I want you to take my hand and I want to feel safe holding on to it.
Okay now my words are turning corny.
I should stop now..
Leave me alone!!!!
LOL
ok bye
Friday, February 26, 2010
So,
____________________________________
10:29 pm
So I finished cleaning my room, I just need to vacuum up all the hair and pubes embedded into my carpet, and then I'm done.
Lately I've been catching myself giggling, or grinning.
Because when I think about how ridiculously in love I was with you, it humors me.
I would file my nails down so my claws won't hurt you, ignoring my self wants to put on acrylic nails, and decorating them. Which by the way, I need to work on a new set!
I would save certain garments of comfortable semi sleep clothes, for when I'd see you, these were my most comfiest and my favorite garments to sleep in with,
I would save them.
Sometimes I wouldn't wash my pillow cases until your scent worn out.
Leaving you sweet texts the next morning..
The night before Valentines I was excited. I got all dolled up, wore a cute dress, shaved my legs, and even shaped my pubes in a heart shape, (LOL)
That was for myself though. Not for you to see.
I wasnt planning on seeing you, but I thought that maybe there could be a chance I'd bump into you at the mall..
And that, maybe you'd put on that face that says: " omg. Hey, She's pretty."
It's embarrassing thinking of it now.
Fuck you.
No.
Fuck me for all the times I've felt lucky because I thought I was special and different to you.
You had me. You really did. Getting to see me whenever you'd like to, All those times I took you in, I was down for anything.
When I cleaned today, I stumbled upon my mini black graph book.
I take this book everywhere with me- I doodle and write down my thoughts.
"I'm still worried about him."
That was the night after you had to leave because of your health. I'd spend nights researching on the internet to see what could be wrong with you. I was worried and it bothered me for a long time. Just knowing that there was something capable of taking you away from me, fuck me.
Enough of you, I'm getting myself angry.
Also, another thing that has been bothering me- friends.
I miss my friend Vi terribly. And as much as I would like to have another friend with the same interests, I feel that it could be almost impossible.
This island is too fucking small.
I would at least like some fun company to hang out with, being alone is interesting, but it gets lonely in time.
Then again, I'm afraid of getting close to anyone else.
Sigh.
____________________________________
10:29 pm
So I finished cleaning my room, I just need to vacuum up all the hair and pubes embedded into my carpet, and then I'm done.
Lately I've been catching myself giggling, or grinning.
Because when I think about how ridiculously in love I was with you, it humors me.
I would file my nails down so my claws won't hurt you, ignoring my self wants to put on acrylic nails, and decorating them. Which by the way, I need to work on a new set!
I would save certain garments of comfortable semi sleep clothes, for when I'd see you, these were my most comfiest and my favorite garments to sleep in with,
I would save them.
Sometimes I wouldn't wash my pillow cases until your scent worn out.
Leaving you sweet texts the next morning..
The night before Valentines I was excited. I got all dolled up, wore a cute dress, shaved my legs, and even shaped my pubes in a heart shape, (LOL)
That was for myself though. Not for you to see.
I wasnt planning on seeing you, but I thought that maybe there could be a chance I'd bump into you at the mall..
And that, maybe you'd put on that face that says: " omg. Hey, She's pretty."
It's embarrassing thinking of it now.
Fuck you.
No.
Fuck me for all the times I've felt lucky because I thought I was special and different to you.
You had me. You really did. Getting to see me whenever you'd like to, All those times I took you in, I was down for anything.
When I cleaned today, I stumbled upon my mini black graph book.
I take this book everywhere with me- I doodle and write down my thoughts.
"I'm still worried about him."
That was the night after you had to leave because of your health. I'd spend nights researching on the internet to see what could be wrong with you. I was worried and it bothered me for a long time. Just knowing that there was something capable of taking you away from me, fuck me.
Enough of you, I'm getting myself angry.
Also, another thing that has been bothering me- friends.
I miss my friend Vi terribly. And as much as I would like to have another friend with the same interests, I feel that it could be almost impossible.
This island is too fucking small.
I would at least like some fun company to hang out with, being alone is interesting, but it gets lonely in time.
Then again, I'm afraid of getting close to anyone else.
Sigh.
____________________________________
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Beautiful- Eminem
10:17 pm
__________________________________________
"If I truly wanted to be cruel to someone, I would make that person fall in love with me. Then I would disown them and completely disappear into a sad silence. Love and mystery are my weapons of choice."
So tomorrow is Friday. I plan to do this thing I like to call " disinfestation"
In the dictionary, this is the activity of getting rid of vermin.
Vermin are any various types of insects, or pests, and even irritating persons.
And I do not mean "irritating" by a person's self, but the feeling alone.
The feeling of discomfort.
Bothersome, and painful feelings that do not go away.
I want to get rid of it.
Because even trying to rid you from my head isn't enough.
All of the little objects and reminders I have lingering around, it needs to go.
Tomorrow I am going to scrape away everything that brings even the tiniest faint thought of you.
All those texts, I will delete them.
That last can of Strawberry Lilikoi I've always saved, I'm going to chill it, and fucking enjoy every last sweet drop.
My whiteboard, will be clean, and reusable again.
And so much more I do not need to mention.
I've done this process before, and in the end I become very excited with myself-
its unbearable and I even start to cry, or laugh hysterically.
I am a mad scientist, don't you remember?
This whole thing, it's not me regretting anything at all.
I loved this experience, and I am thankful for it.
I've become mentally stronger.
Things are much clearer to me now, I don't get too lost in this "mysterious fog"
I am alert, witty, and careful now, I can almost see right though many,
Soon, things will be clear to you too, you are going to look at me in a way you've never seen me before, and you are going to feel awful.
I really do not know how long i'm going to be away, but if we ever cross paths,
I am not looking twice.
I have nothing left to say to you.
- Krystle
____________________________________________________________________
11:43
I keep getting those quick dip like pains.
You know that funny feeling you get in your tummy when you're excited and happy?
This is the opposite of it.
You feel it at the base of your collar bone, or rather deep into your throat?
This bellowing feeling that slides up the back of your lower head, and goes away just as soon as you feel it.
Yeah, it's an odd unpleasant feeling.
I'm so angry at myself for forgetting to buy cookies at Wal-mart last night though, LOL
The empty package is just sitting here, along with a can of vienna sausage I keep in my room just in case I get hungry when i am too tired to get out of bed and make food.
Btw, I don't feel like correcting that run on sentence....
lololololol
Good night.
And no video tonight, sorry :/ I'm trying to head to bed early, I'll call you soon.<3
________________________________
1:20 am
Nevermind, I made a quick oneee! <3
Gonna call you naoooo!
__________________________________________
"If I truly wanted to be cruel to someone, I would make that person fall in love with me. Then I would disown them and completely disappear into a sad silence. Love and mystery are my weapons of choice."
So tomorrow is Friday. I plan to do this thing I like to call " disinfestation"
In the dictionary, this is the activity of getting rid of vermin.
Vermin are any various types of insects, or pests, and even irritating persons.
And I do not mean "irritating" by a person's self, but the feeling alone.
The feeling of discomfort.
Bothersome, and painful feelings that do not go away.
I want to get rid of it.
Because even trying to rid you from my head isn't enough.
All of the little objects and reminders I have lingering around, it needs to go.
Tomorrow I am going to scrape away everything that brings even the tiniest faint thought of you.
All those texts, I will delete them.
That last can of Strawberry Lilikoi I've always saved, I'm going to chill it, and fucking enjoy every last sweet drop.
My whiteboard, will be clean, and reusable again.
And so much more I do not need to mention.
I've done this process before, and in the end I become very excited with myself-
its unbearable and I even start to cry, or laugh hysterically.
I am a mad scientist, don't you remember?
This whole thing, it's not me regretting anything at all.
I loved this experience, and I am thankful for it.
I've become mentally stronger.
Things are much clearer to me now, I don't get too lost in this "mysterious fog"
I am alert, witty, and careful now, I can almost see right though many,
Soon, things will be clear to you too, you are going to look at me in a way you've never seen me before, and you are going to feel awful.
I really do not know how long i'm going to be away, but if we ever cross paths,
I am not looking twice.
I have nothing left to say to you.
- Krystle
____________________________________________________________________
11:43
I keep getting those quick dip like pains.
You know that funny feeling you get in your tummy when you're excited and happy?
This is the opposite of it.
You feel it at the base of your collar bone, or rather deep into your throat?
This bellowing feeling that slides up the back of your lower head, and goes away just as soon as you feel it.
Yeah, it's an odd unpleasant feeling.
I'm so angry at myself for forgetting to buy cookies at Wal-mart last night though, LOL
The empty package is just sitting here, along with a can of vienna sausage I keep in my room just in case I get hungry when i am too tired to get out of bed and make food.
Btw, I don't feel like correcting that run on sentence....
lololololol
Good night.
And no video tonight, sorry :/ I'm trying to head to bed early, I'll call you soon.<3
________________________________
1:20 am
Nevermind, I made a quick oneee! <3
Gonna call you naoooo!
Monday, February 22, 2010
The lilies bloomed today.
12:43 am
_______________________________
I feel like my intestines are being pulled and stretched away from me.
My abdomen feels bubbly, bloated; I am on my period.
I also soiled another pair of shorts...
I'm finally eating the spaghetti I've been wanting to eat since 9ish today?
Earlier, the sister and I left our rooms to spend some sisterly bonding time together and make spaghetti!
She prepared the noodles, and sat down to continue reading her magazine as I stood in the kitchen across of her and minced onions and garlic.
Blinking and squinting, the onions slightly burned my eyes..
I managed though, because I was avoiding the fumes...
We laughed, and giggled, chit-chatted about the funnies, and then the noodles were done.
She asked the question I still wonder and think about if I didnt choose what I chose...
She asked: "Do you want to pour the noodles? Or hold the strainer?"
I literally hummed, and thought about it, and chose to have her poor the boiling olive-oil infused noodles into my basket..
fuck.
She was holding the pot pretty high, and poured it out pretty fast, it splashed off the walls of the sink, and like a wave, it fell onto my right forearm and fingers. I swore at her.
I was in pain, and I raged when she told me it was my fault.
I cried out of frustration and stormed off.
My arm had these red oddly shaped spots, and I was just really upset. I went back out to grab a frozen dinner, and back into my room to be the stubborn little faggot I was, and layed my arm on this frozen meal.
When the redness started to fade away, I became even more upset because I felt extremely guilty and pussy-like for crying over that.
I think it may be my emotions, i dont know. But tonight I wasted a good night to hang out with my sister, since she's hardly over.
Sadface.
Well, We're probably going to laugh it off tommorow, LOL
It always happens.
Brb! Going to eat now, Dinner is getting cold.<3
____________________________________________
1:39 am
back.
So the lilies bloomed today.
I think I may be in love, and I can't get this person out of my head.
It really scares me.
As much as he says that it won't happen, I'm afraid that he would leave or disappear.
I've already told him how I felt.
I still find it amazing how quickly he could cheer me up.
He makes it hard for me to feel sad, LOL.
It's a different feeling. And I can't get enough of him.
I just sidetracked. I feel so stupid now just thinking about the person I was a month ago. I was in love with this other guy for a long time. I'd even worry about his health, because the thought of not being able to grow old with him made me ache. I admired everything about us, that I couldnt see what he was doing to me, I couldnt hate him.
Then that week came, and I slowly started to wake up.
Now theres this really strong feeling that's stirring in me.
It's not really revenge, it's more like rising, and being free.
I am no longer attatched, or stuck.
Days can go by, and it doesnt hurt anymore.
I am fucking happy.
Which brings me back to him.<3
I don't think I've met anyone that's ever gotten me to have hope for love again,
To have me let go of my past, and be happy about it.
He inspires me.<3
About to call you now, its 2:06 am
_____________________________________________________________________
_______________________________
I feel like my intestines are being pulled and stretched away from me.
My abdomen feels bubbly, bloated; I am on my period.
I also soiled another pair of shorts...
I'm finally eating the spaghetti I've been wanting to eat since 9ish today?
Earlier, the sister and I left our rooms to spend some sisterly bonding time together and make spaghetti!
She prepared the noodles, and sat down to continue reading her magazine as I stood in the kitchen across of her and minced onions and garlic.
Blinking and squinting, the onions slightly burned my eyes..
I managed though, because I was avoiding the fumes...
We laughed, and giggled, chit-chatted about the funnies, and then the noodles were done.
She asked the question I still wonder and think about if I didnt choose what I chose...
She asked: "Do you want to pour the noodles? Or hold the strainer?"
I literally hummed, and thought about it, and chose to have her poor the boiling olive-oil infused noodles into my basket..
fuck.
She was holding the pot pretty high, and poured it out pretty fast, it splashed off the walls of the sink, and like a wave, it fell onto my right forearm and fingers. I swore at her.
I was in pain, and I raged when she told me it was my fault.
I cried out of frustration and stormed off.
My arm had these red oddly shaped spots, and I was just really upset. I went back out to grab a frozen dinner, and back into my room to be the stubborn little faggot I was, and layed my arm on this frozen meal.
When the redness started to fade away, I became even more upset because I felt extremely guilty and pussy-like for crying over that.
I think it may be my emotions, i dont know. But tonight I wasted a good night to hang out with my sister, since she's hardly over.
Sadface.
Well, We're probably going to laugh it off tommorow, LOL
It always happens.
Brb! Going to eat now, Dinner is getting cold.<3
____________________________________________
1:39 am
back.
So the lilies bloomed today.
I think I may be in love, and I can't get this person out of my head.
It really scares me.
As much as he says that it won't happen, I'm afraid that he would leave or disappear.
I've already told him how I felt.
I still find it amazing how quickly he could cheer me up.
He makes it hard for me to feel sad, LOL.
It's a different feeling. And I can't get enough of him.
I just sidetracked. I feel so stupid now just thinking about the person I was a month ago. I was in love with this other guy for a long time. I'd even worry about his health, because the thought of not being able to grow old with him made me ache. I admired everything about us, that I couldnt see what he was doing to me, I couldnt hate him.
Then that week came, and I slowly started to wake up.
Now theres this really strong feeling that's stirring in me.
It's not really revenge, it's more like rising, and being free.
I am no longer attatched, or stuck.
Days can go by, and it doesnt hurt anymore.
I am fucking happy.
Which brings me back to him.<3
I don't think I've met anyone that's ever gotten me to have hope for love again,
To have me let go of my past, and be happy about it.
He inspires me.<3
About to call you now, its 2:06 am
_____________________________________________________________________
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Le sigh,
12:42 am
_______________________________________
In the end, I'm not really happy about how it turned out. That's what happens when you stop doing art, I need to be consistent and I need to continue practicing.
But I guess this turned out pretty decent knowing that I used old watercolor paint from the 99 cent store, and q-tips.. LOL
Then I outlined and detailed everything with ink and a caligraphy pen...
Even I realized that my pen skills were a bit rusty, I use to be swift and clean, This time I was sluggish and sloppy. I accidentally rubbed my hand on alot of parts, I made alot of strands solid black because of that,
including the one under her chin- It looks like a beard, and it pissed me off, LOL.
If you havnt noticed by now, I like to draw figures in somewhat alluring poses, and hair.
The hair is my favorite part!
[click to enlarge]
After doing that, I noticed that I have an odd style of shape when it comes to outlining my drawings... I love lines. Like hair, I send alot of things into 'spiral" or I make things bend and curl. I create these sharp yet smooth moldable shapes, and I'm really comfortable with it. I love detail. Here are two examples:
[click to enlarge]
Btw, Goodmorning! <33333
You special person you, ;]
_______________________________________________________________
12:43 pm
Hi!
I'm gonna go fishing today with my sister/ Huy, and my brother, Be back later! :D
_______________________________________
In the end, I'm not really happy about how it turned out. That's what happens when you stop doing art, I need to be consistent and I need to continue practicing.
But I guess this turned out pretty decent knowing that I used old watercolor paint from the 99 cent store, and q-tips.. LOL
Then I outlined and detailed everything with ink and a caligraphy pen...
Even I realized that my pen skills were a bit rusty, I use to be swift and clean, This time I was sluggish and sloppy. I accidentally rubbed my hand on alot of parts, I made alot of strands solid black because of that,
including the one under her chin- It looks like a beard, and it pissed me off, LOL.
If you havnt noticed by now, I like to draw figures in somewhat alluring poses, and hair.
The hair is my favorite part!
[click to enlarge]
After doing that, I noticed that I have an odd style of shape when it comes to outlining my drawings... I love lines. Like hair, I send alot of things into 'spiral" or I make things bend and curl. I create these sharp yet smooth moldable shapes, and I'm really comfortable with it. I love detail. Here are two examples:
[click to enlarge]
Btw, Goodmorning! <33333
You special person you, ;]
_______________________________________________________________
12:43 pm
Hi!
I'm gonna go fishing today with my sister/ Huy, and my brother, Be back later! :D
Friday, February 19, 2010
Just realized
_________________________________________________
6:44 am
Hi.
Goodmorning!
I love being up early. The air is cold,
the smell of freshly brewed coffee... the steamed rice.
My mother is up around 5 am to make coffee and breakfast for her hubby and herself, and It's really cute. I want it to be like that when I'm married.
As much as I wouldnt mind doing the same routine every morning, It would be nice having those unexpected mornings where I'd get up to brush my teeth, and he would secretly come up from behind and...
lolololololol.
Teehee, anyways, like the title, I just realized that I really like watercolor and ink! That stained glass look, with those dark piercing lines- It really attracts me.
When the paper is wet, a droplet of paint would fade and disperse in a beautiful cloud... diffusing with other paints.. I love it.
I also love working with caligraphy pens...
I havnt really touched watercolor, I'd normally use acrylic, because it's cheap, hehehe.
Oil paint is a favorite too, but it's expensive, and I need to use the proper brushes.. The turpentine eats them up.
I do love the smell though.
I'm just finishing up this mini project i'm working on, so maybe it'll be done today.
As for now, I'm going to make some toast and coffee!
Be back later.<3
_________________________________________________________
6:44 am
Hi.
Goodmorning!
I love being up early. The air is cold,
the smell of freshly brewed coffee... the steamed rice.
My mother is up around 5 am to make coffee and breakfast for her hubby and herself, and It's really cute. I want it to be like that when I'm married.
As much as I wouldnt mind doing the same routine every morning, It would be nice having those unexpected mornings where I'd get up to brush my teeth, and he would secretly come up from behind and...
lolololololol.
Teehee, anyways, like the title, I just realized that I really like watercolor and ink! That stained glass look, with those dark piercing lines- It really attracts me.
When the paper is wet, a droplet of paint would fade and disperse in a beautiful cloud... diffusing with other paints.. I love it.
I also love working with caligraphy pens...
I havnt really touched watercolor, I'd normally use acrylic, because it's cheap, hehehe.
Oil paint is a favorite too, but it's expensive, and I need to use the proper brushes.. The turpentine eats them up.
I do love the smell though.
I'm just finishing up this mini project i'm working on, so maybe it'll be done today.
As for now, I'm going to make some toast and coffee!
Be back later.<3
_________________________________________________________
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Chilly morning
______________________________________________
8:15 am
So I woke up pretty damn early today! Around late 5am because Shadow was meowing outside of my window again.. That bitch. I find it really cute though. I could tell apart alot of her meows- she has one particular meow when she's outside of my window calling for me!
It kind of sounds like she's saying " MOM!" "MOMM." Mommmmmmmmm!"
Or when she loses me in the house, she walks around meowing the same way.
(She's doesnt like to be left alone, and likes to be around people)
If I don't come out to get her by then, she climbs onto my window, and starts meowing.
Doing this, She knows that I will have to come out and get her.
Because I always have. And if I don't, She'll be there for hours.
I once ignored her, and I felt completely bad because when I came out to see her, She limped because her paws hurt. Now, I just never let her stay in spider kitty mode for too long.
Anyways!
...
I like being up this early, it's nice.
I get to see my parents before they head out to work..
Oh! And I'm also watching over my little brother because he's sick.
I feel artsy today! And I feel like putting my materials to use...I feel bad.
I have abandoned my drawing books. And I feel really inspired today.
So, maybe new art? I'll probably post the finished product on tumblr!
Be back later!
_______________________________________
4:27 pm
Yay! I got a late Valentines delivery today! ^_^ I teared up, LOL
I told him I liked the color blue, and I don't remember whether I told him I liked lilies too, but AHHH! Here it is,<3
Thank you.
8:15 am
So I woke up pretty damn early today! Around late 5am because Shadow was meowing outside of my window again.. That bitch. I find it really cute though. I could tell apart alot of her meows- she has one particular meow when she's outside of my window calling for me!
It kind of sounds like she's saying " MOM!" "MOMM." Mommmmmmmmm!"
Or when she loses me in the house, she walks around meowing the same way.
(She's doesnt like to be left alone, and likes to be around people)
If I don't come out to get her by then, she climbs onto my window, and starts meowing.
Doing this, She knows that I will have to come out and get her.
Because I always have. And if I don't, She'll be there for hours.
I once ignored her, and I felt completely bad because when I came out to see her, She limped because her paws hurt. Now, I just never let her stay in spider kitty mode for too long.
Anyways!
...
I like being up this early, it's nice.
I get to see my parents before they head out to work..
Oh! And I'm also watching over my little brother because he's sick.
I feel artsy today! And I feel like putting my materials to use...I feel bad.
I have abandoned my drawing books. And I feel really inspired today.
So, maybe new art? I'll probably post the finished product on tumblr!
Be back later!
_______________________________________
4:27 pm
Yay! I got a late Valentines delivery today! ^_^ I teared up, LOL
I told him I liked the color blue, and I don't remember whether I told him I liked lilies too, but AHHH! Here it is,<3
Thank you.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Much better.
_________________________________________________________________________
11:13 pm
Hey.
I'm sorry about the emotional posts, I'm fine now. I've thought about it.
I don't deserve any of this.
I'll just use this as another motivation to be better.
Right Krizko?
right.
Theres also been another special person that's been helping me. <3
I havn't felt these lovey dovey feelings in a long time, it feels nice.
Anyways, I made a cute breakfast for my mum the other day!
Turkey sausage, fried egg, crisp fresh potatoes with melted cheese, and a cinnamon sugar french toast with a chocolate heart!<3 She orgasmed in her mouth.
11:13 pm
Hey.
I'm sorry about the emotional posts, I'm fine now. I've thought about it.
I don't deserve any of this.
I'll just use this as another motivation to be better.
Right Krizko?
right.
Theres also been another special person that's been helping me. <3
I havn't felt these lovey dovey feelings in a long time, it feels nice.
Anyways, I made a cute breakfast for my mum the other day!
Turkey sausage, fried egg, crisp fresh potatoes with melted cheese, and a cinnamon sugar french toast with a chocolate heart!<3 She orgasmed in her mouth.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Beautiful lies.
_____________________________________________
12:34am
Never again.
Never again.
Never again.
Never again.
Never again
Never
Again.
...
I will make you regret everything.
I will make you watch me,
want me.
Someday youre going to remember that you once had me.
When the days are cold, and those feelings you sold, rise from the mold,
That mold that stuck, that muck you created, and abandoned as swift as a pluck,
Like a petal, you couldnt settle for one, for I wasnt enough,
Not shiny enough, because this crystal you scuffed, scratched, and cracked,
couldnt shine in the buff, I was frosted.
Frosted like those marbles you played in elementary school,
There, life was still cruel, I was still a tool, a pretty jewel, drowning in this pool, full of control, and pleasure, I'd stop at no measure
to please, and excite, and then I met you.
Feelings soon began to ignite,
Everything felt right, Night's were so bright, and then you took flight,
That flickering fire , took you only one puff, you blew me away
decisions became tough, I straightened out my cuffs,
I've had enough.
I'll be on my way.
I'll be on my way.
.......
Maybe youll see what I what I went through, and wonder why I even stuck around.
Don't tell me your'e sorry, because I am.
12:34am
Never again.
Never again.
Never again.
Never again.
Never again
Never
Again.
...
I will make you regret everything.
I will make you watch me,
want me.
Someday youre going to remember that you once had me.
When the days are cold, and those feelings you sold, rise from the mold,
That mold that stuck, that muck you created, and abandoned as swift as a pluck,
Like a petal, you couldnt settle for one, for I wasnt enough,
Not shiny enough, because this crystal you scuffed, scratched, and cracked,
couldnt shine in the buff, I was frosted.
Frosted like those marbles you played in elementary school,
There, life was still cruel, I was still a tool, a pretty jewel, drowning in this pool, full of control, and pleasure, I'd stop at no measure
to please, and excite, and then I met you.
Feelings soon began to ignite,
Everything felt right, Night's were so bright, and then you took flight,
That flickering fire , took you only one puff, you blew me away
decisions became tough, I straightened out my cuffs,
I've had enough.
I'll be on my way.
I'll be on my way.
.......
Maybe youll see what I what I went through, and wonder why I even stuck around.
Don't tell me your'e sorry, because I am.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Rainy morning!
____________________________________
8:19 am
It's raining in the morning again, and I'm home alone with Shadow!
Mornings like these makes me wish I was older.
I'd walk around the house wearing only a cute loose tee, and cotton undies.
Making french toast for my hubby and watching him walk into the kitchen like a zombie.. As I hum a melody to myself, He'd come up from behind, wrap his arms around me, and kiss me on the cheek.
Then heading to the living room, he would sit on the couch, and yell:
"MAKE ME A SAMMICH BITCH!"
LOLOL. Okay maybe not the last part, but everything before that, *Sigh*
Well.
Poor Shadow waited outside of my window in the rain, that's what woke me up.
Wait, no. It was him, but I went back to bed.
Anyways, I feel...... GOOD
I'm in a really cleany mood right now, so after I fix myself some french toast and coffee, I'm going to start some harcore cleaning! ^.^
Be right back.
__________________________________________________________________________
12:00 pm
That's it.
One last time, and then I'm done.
I already knew this was coming, and you arent mysterious and exciting to me anymore.
We were fucked from the start.
I'm sorry. The whole ride was exciting, but look where I am now?
I've been shoved under the rug too many times,
I always do that, I never do watch after myself, I feel like a dirty safety blanket for you.
Look at you. You are fine now. After everything, you still have your friends, you still can go out without being looked down upon, because we kept you safe.
I literally lost and sacrificed everything, and you wonder why I always feel so unappreciated and used.
Do you remember this piece I wrote?
..
"She will cling......Like a vine, she will intertwine.........feeding off your simple friendly remarks,
She is addicted, She is Convicted, Like I predicted she will not stop...............
Because this love she has for you is not restricted., It will not drop.
Until that day, she can call you her own, she's in the zone, all dignity is thrown.... She will groan, for a grasp, for a taste of your sweet glorious mind.
Undefined, so refined, of all man kind, You are.
You have yet left another scar,,
Victorious, she will seize, and a soul mate is what she seeks.
Unknowingly as she speaks guaranteed tears will leak her cheeks
But I will plea.
I will plea for everything.
For abducting me.
Conducting me.
To my knees with effortless ease,
I have cheated, mistreated, depleted to the floor,
For you , I wanted to explore.
For me, you had nothing more, but a slight adore
For my strong desire to please, An expertise, a mere tease, an excitement galore.
I always thought I was nothing more.
Nothing.
more."
You always wanted me to finish it.
I've thought about it lastnight, and I no longer have the inspiration to.
I keep saying this.
It's getting really old.
Your ways, your words, everything.
I predicted it right the first time, and now with your next target.
You think you can have any girl you want?
You met me when I was a naive boy crazy highschool girl.
If I met you today, I wouldn't think twice.
I wouldnt strain myself for trying to forget everything.
One last time. And you wont see me again.
_________________________________________________________
2:00 pm
Fuck man, I totally just lied.
Ok I am going now.
8:19 am
It's raining in the morning again, and I'm home alone with Shadow!
Mornings like these makes me wish I was older.
I'd walk around the house wearing only a cute loose tee, and cotton undies.
Making french toast for my hubby and watching him walk into the kitchen like a zombie.. As I hum a melody to myself, He'd come up from behind, wrap his arms around me, and kiss me on the cheek.
Then heading to the living room, he would sit on the couch, and yell:
"MAKE ME A SAMMICH BITCH!"
LOLOL. Okay maybe not the last part, but everything before that, *Sigh*
Well.
Poor Shadow waited outside of my window in the rain, that's what woke me up.
Wait, no. It was him, but I went back to bed.
Anyways, I feel...... GOOD
I'm in a really cleany mood right now, so after I fix myself some french toast and coffee, I'm going to start some harcore cleaning! ^.^
Be right back.
__________________________________________________________________________
12:00 pm
That's it.
One last time, and then I'm done.
I already knew this was coming, and you arent mysterious and exciting to me anymore.
We were fucked from the start.
I'm sorry. The whole ride was exciting, but look where I am now?
I've been shoved under the rug too many times,
I always do that, I never do watch after myself, I feel like a dirty safety blanket for you.
Look at you. You are fine now. After everything, you still have your friends, you still can go out without being looked down upon, because we kept you safe.
I literally lost and sacrificed everything, and you wonder why I always feel so unappreciated and used.
Do you remember this piece I wrote?
..
"She will cling......Like a vine, she will intertwine.........feeding off your simple friendly remarks,
She is addicted, She is Convicted, Like I predicted she will not stop...............
Because this love she has for you is not restricted., It will not drop.
Until that day, she can call you her own, she's in the zone, all dignity is thrown.... She will groan, for a grasp, for a taste of your sweet glorious mind.
Undefined, so refined, of all man kind, You are.
You have yet left another scar,,
Victorious, she will seize, and a soul mate is what she seeks.
Unknowingly as she speaks guaranteed tears will leak her cheeks
But I will plea.
I will plea for everything.
For abducting me.
Conducting me.
To my knees with effortless ease,
I have cheated, mistreated, depleted to the floor,
For you , I wanted to explore.
For me, you had nothing more, but a slight adore
For my strong desire to please, An expertise, a mere tease, an excitement galore.
I always thought I was nothing more.
Nothing.
more."
You always wanted me to finish it.
I've thought about it lastnight, and I no longer have the inspiration to.
I keep saying this.
It's getting really old.
Your ways, your words, everything.
I predicted it right the first time, and now with your next target.
You think you can have any girl you want?
You met me when I was a naive boy crazy highschool girl.
If I met you today, I wouldn't think twice.
I wouldnt strain myself for trying to forget everything.
One last time. And you wont see me again.
_________________________________________________________
2:00 pm
Fuck man, I totally just lied.
Ok I am going now.
Here I go again,
______________________________________________________
12:11 am
"Once upon a time, I met this one girl.
She was more than a diamond, more than your common pearl.
No jewel could compare to how much she makes you stare, best ride in the fair… that's why I call her
krystle.
She shone brighter than the sun, makes you wear stunna shades at night,
In a span of 30 days, I was the tunnel, and she became the light.
Let me vow to you right now that I'll never make you frown,
unless we're fucking so hard that you're smiling cuz your'e upside down.
I'll be here for all of your problems,
I'll be sure to stick around until you got none.
It don't matter what you say, you're the highlight of my day,
Krystle: I'm sorry but I"m here to stay.
I'll be here to buy you Doughnuts.
We can be kids together until we have to be grownups .
But even till then, I'll be the one you can come to,
pun intended, girl you know I ___ you. "
-This made me feel much more better.
So he's on the phone snoring right now.. Well, just breathing hard, LOL
And it's just amazing how fast you could cheer me up. Thank you.
So.
Here's a different story about another person.
Tonight I was being a curious kitty again, and got I really upset.
Why do I keep doing this.
Tonight I thought of something that really scared me.
I told myself that I felt I’ve been around for this guy for so long, that I no longer care about being hurt anymore. I’m in love. And that maybe I wouldn’t mind being used.
What if… I said that I like the feeling of being used….?
Maybe it’s a fetish. A dirty habit? I don’t know .
It’s a threat I like to take a different approach to. I’ll find a way to enjoy it.
All of the strong emotions that are involved, make it so addictive.
Emotional pain, love, pleasure, anger… and control?
Looking up at the person you love, and having this anger grow and stir within you, because you know that you are being used and toyed around with.. Resulting in you wanting to make this person feel good.. In the most risque and mischievous way possible. Deliberately causing harm or damage, and being able to control, and be controlled?
After all, we’re all just humans with bones and flesh.
My feelings aren’t hurt easily.
And don’t ask me where my dignity has gone.
That quality is bull. Being worthy of esteem or respect?
I don’t need your respect, and I am not disrespecting my self morals.
I dont comply with your formal rules. I don’t hold back,
I experiment and test myself; I am a mad scientist.
God, this sounds terrible. Maybe I need help.
Just kidding! I got this bitch.
I've been attatched and in love with this guy for so long that I could feel okay if he doesnt feel the same. It's happened before, and as long as he's here, then I'm fine. Then again maybe I'm not soaking his words and feelings he says he has for me. I've been a puppet for this guy for so long, I don't know whether his feelings are false or not.
Then I crawled into bed, and thought.
Do I really need him? Yeah I can handle the pain, but do I still want it?
I've been watching him. Maybe I'm just getting bored of it all.. Maybe I want something new.
I'm just waiting for that moment where he fucks up big time, so I can just completely dissappear. It's always been that way.
I have a really strong moral about me never leaving anyone.
I always stick around.
If you ever disown me, I will haunt you in your dreams, Do you understand that..?
You'll never hear or see me again.
For now, I'm fine, and I'm slowly starting to feel like I'm better than this.
I know, I know, but trust me, it's just really complicated.
Tonight I felt depressed and angry... Then I felt horny. LOL
But I think that's normal, because I'm getting my period soon, and well, nevermind.
lololololol alright.
All I need to say is that there's someone really special sleeping on the phone right now, and I want to go back to bed and join him.
He's been making me feel really weird lately. And he just gives me hope.
goodnight!<3
12:11 am
"Once upon a time, I met this one girl.
She was more than a diamond, more than your common pearl.
No jewel could compare to how much she makes you stare, best ride in the fair… that's why I call her
krystle.
She shone brighter than the sun, makes you wear stunna shades at night,
In a span of 30 days, I was the tunnel, and she became the light.
Let me vow to you right now that I'll never make you frown,
unless we're fucking so hard that you're smiling cuz your'e upside down.
I'll be here for all of your problems,
I'll be sure to stick around until you got none.
It don't matter what you say, you're the highlight of my day,
Krystle: I'm sorry but I"m here to stay.
I'll be here to buy you Doughnuts.
We can be kids together until we have to be grownups .
But even till then, I'll be the one you can come to,
pun intended, girl you know I ___ you. "
-This made me feel much more better.
So he's on the phone snoring right now.. Well, just breathing hard, LOL
And it's just amazing how fast you could cheer me up. Thank you.
So.
Here's a different story about another person.
Tonight I was being a curious kitty again, and got I really upset.
Why do I keep doing this.
Tonight I thought of something that really scared me.
I told myself that I felt I’ve been around for this guy for so long, that I no longer care about being hurt anymore. I’m in love. And that maybe I wouldn’t mind being used.
What if… I said that I like the feeling of being used….?
Maybe it’s a fetish. A dirty habit? I don’t know .
It’s a threat I like to take a different approach to. I’ll find a way to enjoy it.
All of the strong emotions that are involved, make it so addictive.
Emotional pain, love, pleasure, anger… and control?
Looking up at the person you love, and having this anger grow and stir within you, because you know that you are being used and toyed around with.. Resulting in you wanting to make this person feel good.. In the most risque and mischievous way possible. Deliberately causing harm or damage, and being able to control, and be controlled?
After all, we’re all just humans with bones and flesh.
My feelings aren’t hurt easily.
And don’t ask me where my dignity has gone.
That quality is bull. Being worthy of esteem or respect?
I don’t need your respect, and I am not disrespecting my self morals.
I dont comply with your formal rules. I don’t hold back,
I experiment and test myself; I am a mad scientist.
God, this sounds terrible. Maybe I need help.
Just kidding! I got this bitch.
I've been attatched and in love with this guy for so long that I could feel okay if he doesnt feel the same. It's happened before, and as long as he's here, then I'm fine. Then again maybe I'm not soaking his words and feelings he says he has for me. I've been a puppet for this guy for so long, I don't know whether his feelings are false or not.
Then I crawled into bed, and thought.
Do I really need him? Yeah I can handle the pain, but do I still want it?
I've been watching him. Maybe I'm just getting bored of it all.. Maybe I want something new.
I'm just waiting for that moment where he fucks up big time, so I can just completely dissappear. It's always been that way.
I have a really strong moral about me never leaving anyone.
I always stick around.
If you ever disown me, I will haunt you in your dreams, Do you understand that..?
You'll never hear or see me again.
For now, I'm fine, and I'm slowly starting to feel like I'm better than this.
I know, I know, but trust me, it's just really complicated.
Tonight I felt depressed and angry... Then I felt horny. LOL
But I think that's normal, because I'm getting my period soon, and well, nevermind.
lololololol alright.
All I need to say is that there's someone really special sleeping on the phone right now, and I want to go back to bed and join him.
He's been making me feel really weird lately. And he just gives me hope.
goodnight!<3
Thursday, February 4, 2010
choke me. I've been suffocating.
____________________________________________________
1:13 am
"My weekly love horoscope"
For the Week of Feb 1st, 2010 -- You may go through a rough patch early in the week, perhaps feeling abused, ignored or underappreciated. Resentment could also get the weekend off on the wrong foot, but that will change by Saturday night. When the Moon zips into optimistic Sagittarius you can let bygones be bygones. Finally, you'll be free to speak openly and play without worry
Damn. I hate you horoscope. I hate you again.
.....
Anyways,
I feel much better now.
Earlier I was feeling light headed and sick..
I felt like throwing up.
Then I pooped and now I feel better, LOL
Oh and I also tanked a bottle of water, so maybe that helped..
lolololol
btw. After wandering around Tumblr, I stumbled upon this article!
http://briankim.net/blog/2007/10/top-5-things-every-extrovert-should-know-about-introverts/
And after reading this, I think I finally have a better understanding of what I am. And I am completely fine with it.
I am an introvert. And a retired extrovert.
I use to be very energetic around people.. Seeing or hanging out with a bunch of friends every week was very important to me, and I just loved to mingle and be around others. That was me a long time ago.
I think I've done so much that I've had enough. I had enough of the drama and the negative people. I lost alot of friends and I just ended up with a special select few. And theyre all i need.<3
I use to pick at myself, trying to figure out why I'm not interested in the things I use to love so very much.. It made me feel lonely! Was I just thinking too much? Why did I lose the desire to want to socialize ? Isn't that what people like doing?
I felt like something was wrong with me.
I seriously thought that I've been depressed for a long time.
No.
Now, I've realized that theres nothing wrong with introspection, and being a complex thinker. I do like being alone, and I do wander and think too much. I absolutely love to observe people around me, and I am fascinated by it.
Albert Einstein, Issac Newton, Charles Darwin are a few introverts too.<3
A few of the many idols I love.
"Introverts have a lot to bring to the table. They have an amazing ability to discover new thoughts, an uncanny ability to focus, to concentrate, to connect the dots, to observe and note things that most people miss, to listen extremely well and are often found having a rich and vivid imagination too."
With that said,
I am still the friendly Krizko. So don't worry about me. I'm not shy or anti-social, I'm just really careful now. I am not going to push people away. It will be tough for you to gain my trust, though.
To me, when I allow someone to be a part of my life, it's a big thing.
All of my trust, time and energy is used, and not a single day will go by when I am not thinking of you.
I am a happy introvert. :]
So it's 2 am now.
Goodnight!<3
1:13 am
"My weekly love horoscope"
For the Week of Feb 1st, 2010 -- You may go through a rough patch early in the week, perhaps feeling abused, ignored or underappreciated. Resentment could also get the weekend off on the wrong foot, but that will change by Saturday night. When the Moon zips into optimistic Sagittarius you can let bygones be bygones. Finally, you'll be free to speak openly and play without worry
Damn. I hate you horoscope. I hate you again.
.....
Anyways,
I feel much better now.
Earlier I was feeling light headed and sick..
I felt like throwing up.
Then I pooped and now I feel better, LOL
Oh and I also tanked a bottle of water, so maybe that helped..
lolololol
btw. After wandering around Tumblr, I stumbled upon this article!
http://briankim.net/blog/2007/10/top-5-things-every-extrovert-should-know-about-introverts/
And after reading this, I think I finally have a better understanding of what I am. And I am completely fine with it.
I am an introvert. And a retired extrovert.
I use to be very energetic around people.. Seeing or hanging out with a bunch of friends every week was very important to me, and I just loved to mingle and be around others. That was me a long time ago.
I think I've done so much that I've had enough. I had enough of the drama and the negative people. I lost alot of friends and I just ended up with a special select few. And theyre all i need.<3
I use to pick at myself, trying to figure out why I'm not interested in the things I use to love so very much.. It made me feel lonely! Was I just thinking too much? Why did I lose the desire to want to socialize ? Isn't that what people like doing?
I felt like something was wrong with me.
I seriously thought that I've been depressed for a long time.
No.
Now, I've realized that theres nothing wrong with introspection, and being a complex thinker. I do like being alone, and I do wander and think too much. I absolutely love to observe people around me, and I am fascinated by it.
Albert Einstein, Issac Newton, Charles Darwin are a few introverts too.<3
A few of the many idols I love.
"Introverts have a lot to bring to the table. They have an amazing ability to discover new thoughts, an uncanny ability to focus, to concentrate, to connect the dots, to observe and note things that most people miss, to listen extremely well and are often found having a rich and vivid imagination too."
With that said,
I am still the friendly Krizko. So don't worry about me. I'm not shy or anti-social, I'm just really careful now. I am not going to push people away. It will be tough for you to gain my trust, though.
To me, when I allow someone to be a part of my life, it's a big thing.
All of my trust, time and energy is used, and not a single day will go by when I am not thinking of you.
I am a happy introvert. :]
So it's 2 am now.
Goodnight!<3
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Blog Tv !
Sooo after doodling a few viewers one of them wanted to "return the favor" and sing a song! Read the chat, LOL they say the most ridiculous things.
"The only song you know... is the little mermaid."
LMAO
Under the sea! - Broadcast your self LIVE
And I have an announcement everyone.
dududududu - Broadcast your self LIVE
Yeah :/
We should of gotten Shadow spayed earlier. Shadow is still the same demon kitty but 83748923749207304 times more. I love her. <3
[See Tumblr for screenshots!]
http://krizkotv.tumblr.com/
"The only song you know... is the little mermaid."
LMAO
Under the sea! - Broadcast your self LIVE
And I have an announcement everyone.
dududududu - Broadcast your self LIVE
Yeah :/
We should of gotten Shadow spayed earlier. Shadow is still the same demon kitty but 83748923749207304 times more. I love her. <3
[See Tumblr for screenshots!]
http://krizkotv.tumblr.com/
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Im craving gummie bears
____________________________________________________
12:51 am
"Open your eyes, open your mind
proud like a god don't pretend to be blind
trapped in yourself, break out instead
beat the machine that works in your head"
Guano Apes- Open your eyes
This song has been replaying over and over... It's been my motivation song, hehehe
The lyrics are deep..
Anyways, today I was really upset.. I just felt that alot of friends were turning their backs on me, and tonight I just came to a decision that if these people were really friends, it wouldn't be like this.
That's one thing I strongly despise.
When it seems that people don't have a mind of their own. Letting others opinions and self reasons make their choices also.
People that dont have an open mind to even think that there are two sides of a story?
That things aren't just Black and White; theres gray also.
So no more pouting! I don't have the time or want to change anyones perspective about me, and I certainly will not crawl and beg for anything. I'll just be me.
People will think, talk, and judge;
let them.
.............
I'm really craving gummie bears and sour gummie worms!
Or cheesy popcorn!
Oh and yesterdays Horoscope!
"Monday, Feb 1st, 2010 -- You need to finish up an old project now so you can be ready for the new opportunities just around the next corner. But it won't be easy to tie up loose ends when it's so much fun to imagine untying them. You could be your own worst enemy if you really think you can outsmart the timing of the cosmos. Stop procrastinating; your lack of attention to your chores can only delay the inevitable for so long."
Sigh.
12:51 am
"Open your eyes, open your mind
proud like a god don't pretend to be blind
trapped in yourself, break out instead
beat the machine that works in your head"
Guano Apes- Open your eyes
This song has been replaying over and over... It's been my motivation song, hehehe
The lyrics are deep..
Anyways, today I was really upset.. I just felt that alot of friends were turning their backs on me, and tonight I just came to a decision that if these people were really friends, it wouldn't be like this.
That's one thing I strongly despise.
When it seems that people don't have a mind of their own. Letting others opinions and self reasons make their choices also.
People that dont have an open mind to even think that there are two sides of a story?
That things aren't just Black and White; theres gray also.
So no more pouting! I don't have the time or want to change anyones perspective about me, and I certainly will not crawl and beg for anything. I'll just be me.
People will think, talk, and judge;
let them.
.............
I'm really craving gummie bears and sour gummie worms!
Or cheesy popcorn!
Oh and yesterdays Horoscope!
"Monday, Feb 1st, 2010 -- You need to finish up an old project now so you can be ready for the new opportunities just around the next corner. But it won't be easy to tie up loose ends when it's so much fun to imagine untying them. You could be your own worst enemy if you really think you can outsmart the timing of the cosmos. Stop procrastinating; your lack of attention to your chores can only delay the inevitable for so long."
Sigh.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Sunday!
________________________________________________________
8:37 pm
Alrighty, so I've decided to do a mini review on the lenses one pair at a time!
Like I mentioned, I got my lens yesterday. (January 30,2010)
Here is the packaging! I blurred out my home address for all you stalkers out there. ;p No need to thank me! Oh, And Shadow was a great help. She's chewing on the bubble wrap as we speak.
[click to enlarge]
So these are the EOS Adult Brown circle lenses. I got them from Pinky Paradise and I highly recommend this site! The Site is well organized and has a really professional and clean layout so it's easy to find your way around.
I ordered this pair on the night of January 19, and it got shipped out the next day on the 20th. Therefore, it took exactly ten days to reach me! I was really satisfied because they are shipping from Malaysia to the U.S. and I live in Hawaii. ^__^
*Actually it reached the U.S. (Los Angeles, California to be exact) on the 29th, but since im in the islands it took another day to get to me!*
I am aware that these look gray in pictures, but I knew that before hand, and I liked how these lenses seem to change color depending on what lighting you are in! It can either look tannish-brown, or a true gray.
Compared to other lenses that have a solid pupil hole, this has a crystal like pattern that blends well with my dark brown eyes.. It looks pretty natural, and I wouldn't mind wearing this everyday!
The enlargement isn't dramatic; but it's still noticeable. Which is a good thing because I wanted a natural pair of lenses.
I've been wearing contact lenses for years, so these were really comfortable.
I could wear them for 8 hours+ ( which you shouldn't, LOL) without any dryness or discomfort, but that's just me! Using eyedrops help too.
[click to enlarge]
I'm really happy with these lenses. :D Maybe i'll make a short video too, eh?
Also, I ate out with my older sister and her boyfriend and Asian Cuisine again!
Pictures!
[View Tumblr for more pictures!]
http://krizkotv.tumblr.com/
8:37 pm
Alrighty, so I've decided to do a mini review on the lenses one pair at a time!
Like I mentioned, I got my lens yesterday. (January 30,2010)
Here is the packaging! I blurred out my home address for all you stalkers out there. ;p No need to thank me! Oh, And Shadow was a great help. She's chewing on the bubble wrap as we speak.
[click to enlarge]
So these are the EOS Adult Brown circle lenses. I got them from Pinky Paradise and I highly recommend this site! The Site is well organized and has a really professional and clean layout so it's easy to find your way around.
I ordered this pair on the night of January 19, and it got shipped out the next day on the 20th. Therefore, it took exactly ten days to reach me! I was really satisfied because they are shipping from Malaysia to the U.S. and I live in Hawaii. ^__^
*Actually it reached the U.S. (Los Angeles, California to be exact) on the 29th, but since im in the islands it took another day to get to me!*
I am aware that these look gray in pictures, but I knew that before hand, and I liked how these lenses seem to change color depending on what lighting you are in! It can either look tannish-brown, or a true gray.
Compared to other lenses that have a solid pupil hole, this has a crystal like pattern that blends well with my dark brown eyes.. It looks pretty natural, and I wouldn't mind wearing this everyday!
The enlargement isn't dramatic; but it's still noticeable. Which is a good thing because I wanted a natural pair of lenses.
I've been wearing contact lenses for years, so these were really comfortable.
I could wear them for 8 hours+ ( which you shouldn't, LOL) without any dryness or discomfort, but that's just me! Using eyedrops help too.
[click to enlarge]
I'm really happy with these lenses. :D Maybe i'll make a short video too, eh?
Also, I ate out with my older sister and her boyfriend and Asian Cuisine again!
Pictures!
[View Tumblr for more pictures!]
http://krizkotv.tumblr.com/
Saturday, January 30, 2010
My lenses came innnnnnnn!!!! Yayyyyyyy!
___________________________________________________________
10:40 am
My lenses just came in hehehehehe.
It came in earlier than I thought.
And, I WAS SO DISAPPOINTED.
It wasn't even a mailman!!! It was a Mail WOMAN.
She wasn't even hot, and I felt bad because she had casts on her fingers LOL
That was so stereotypical too, LMAO.
I could only imagine how that happened....
She was very kind and curious though. Asking me what I ordered from Malaysia...
I should of told her it was porn or anal beads or something...
Sooooo I'm going to soak them for 6 hours, and in the meanwhile I'll be cleaning up, and helping my daddy clean the fish pond!
I'm not sure if I'm going to have pictures up tonight..
If not tonight then tommorrow! :D
Be right back.<3
______________________________________________________________
10:40 am
My lenses just came in hehehehehe.
It came in earlier than I thought.
And, I WAS SO DISAPPOINTED.
It wasn't even a mailman!!! It was a Mail WOMAN.
She wasn't even hot, and I felt bad because she had casts on her fingers LOL
That was so stereotypical too, LMAO.
I could only imagine how that happened....
She was very kind and curious though. Asking me what I ordered from Malaysia...
I should of told her it was porn or anal beads or something...
Sooooo I'm going to soak them for 6 hours, and in the meanwhile I'll be cleaning up, and helping my daddy clean the fish pond!
I'm not sure if I'm going to have pictures up tonight..
If not tonight then tommorrow! :D
Be right back.<3
______________________________________________________________
My room.
______________________________________
1:08 am
Why.
Just being in my room makes me angry.
How I always save atleast one Strawberry Lilikoi..
Well atleast till I get another pack to replace it.
And when it gets late,When I go out to grab Shadow, I start to get really nervous.
I'm ridiculous.
What you said keeps replaying over and over again in my head.
And your'e right, I did die a long time ago.
In a few hours, my lens are suppose to be delivered today!
That's keeping me happy and excited!
And this time, I will NOT miss it. I will wake up early and just camp out in the front of my house..
This is also a good chance to make an interesting video..
I love a man in uniform. ;]
LOLOL
Have you guys ever watched those hidden camera videos where the customer trys to seduce the mailman, LOL
I dont think my balls are big enough for that though.
Well not yet.
I'm still working on Project 105. (My weight gain goal, hehehehe)
So for this past week I've been doing alot of resistance excersizes and it feels really good!
Starting this week I'm going to work on my flexibility again. ^___^
I use to be so flexible :[
I miss being able to put my foot over my head.. hahah
Anyways.. lololol
My computer... I underestimated how many crap I had on here..
Look forward to new content! [pictures]
goodnight!<3
-----Horoscope!-----
Saturday, Jan 30th, 2010 -- The gregarious Leo Full Moon can turn you into a bull in a china shop because the force of Mars joins her today to push you to let everyone in your social or work group know where you stand. Fortunately, your key planet Venus is also in the picture, enabling you to appear gracious to others, even if you are on a mission. Don't worry too much about trying to be nice now; if your heart is filled with good intentions, they will carry you through
1:08 am
Why.
Just being in my room makes me angry.
How I always save atleast one Strawberry Lilikoi..
Well atleast till I get another pack to replace it.
And when it gets late,When I go out to grab Shadow, I start to get really nervous.
I'm ridiculous.
What you said keeps replaying over and over again in my head.
And your'e right, I did die a long time ago.
In a few hours, my lens are suppose to be delivered today!
That's keeping me happy and excited!
And this time, I will NOT miss it. I will wake up early and just camp out in the front of my house..
This is also a good chance to make an interesting video..
I love a man in uniform. ;]
LOLOL
Have you guys ever watched those hidden camera videos where the customer trys to seduce the mailman, LOL
I dont think my balls are big enough for that though.
Well not yet.
I'm still working on Project 105. (My weight gain goal, hehehehe)
So for this past week I've been doing alot of resistance excersizes and it feels really good!
Starting this week I'm going to work on my flexibility again. ^___^
I use to be so flexible :[
I miss being able to put my foot over my head.. hahah
Anyways.. lololol
My computer... I underestimated how many crap I had on here..
Look forward to new content! [pictures]
goodnight!<3
-----Horoscope!-----
Saturday, Jan 30th, 2010 -- The gregarious Leo Full Moon can turn you into a bull in a china shop because the force of Mars joins her today to push you to let everyone in your social or work group know where you stand. Fortunately, your key planet Venus is also in the picture, enabling you to appear gracious to others, even if you are on a mission. Don't worry too much about trying to be nice now; if your heart is filled with good intentions, they will carry you through
Friday, January 29, 2010
Aloha Friday!
____________________________________________________________________
1:28 am
As the rain slowly falls and only the fan is heard to smoothly pierce the quiet night,a rhythmic clicking of a keyboard is heard only by the closest of objects; his telephone, his printer, and her soul.
As they sit quietly on two different pieces of world, he feels closer than he has ever felt towards anyone he's ever met or seen; feelings initiated in a vague float-feeling environment as if it was another dream.
But he doesn't wake up, and the feelings he feels pounding inside every living ounce of him are real, as if to say they are like a pinch or a testament put in place to set the difference between reality and fantasy.
And as he feels his head swim slowly towards the bottom of the ocean for air, he imagines taking her with him, because even in water you can fall, for each other. The lines blur because she's magical;
She is his living fantasy in a dead space reality.
Someone wrote this for me ^__^ <3.
Goodmorning!
This is probably one of the only things keeping me sane tonight.
So my package came in!
But, I missed it, so I have to go pick it up at the Post Office. :[
Fucking carriers... It was raining today so they probably couldnt leave the parcel at my door.
Wait no, I scheduled a re delivery, so its suppose to come on Saturday. :[
Sigh.
---------------
Horoscope!
Friday, Jan 29th, 2010 -- Everything seems to be getting more complicated again, especially if your friends are making demands on you that raise your anger. You don't want to be pushed around and are likely to step into the game fighting mad. It's best for others to leave you alone now, unless they are willing to put up with playing according to your rules
1:28 am
As the rain slowly falls and only the fan is heard to smoothly pierce the quiet night,a rhythmic clicking of a keyboard is heard only by the closest of objects; his telephone, his printer, and her soul.
As they sit quietly on two different pieces of world, he feels closer than he has ever felt towards anyone he's ever met or seen; feelings initiated in a vague float-feeling environment as if it was another dream.
But he doesn't wake up, and the feelings he feels pounding inside every living ounce of him are real, as if to say they are like a pinch or a testament put in place to set the difference between reality and fantasy.
And as he feels his head swim slowly towards the bottom of the ocean for air, he imagines taking her with him, because even in water you can fall, for each other. The lines blur because she's magical;
She is his living fantasy in a dead space reality.
Someone wrote this for me ^__^ <3.
Goodmorning!
This is probably one of the only things keeping me sane tonight.
So my package came in!
But, I missed it, so I have to go pick it up at the Post Office. :[
Fucking carriers... It was raining today so they probably couldnt leave the parcel at my door.
Wait no, I scheduled a re delivery, so its suppose to come on Saturday. :[
Sigh.
---------------
Horoscope!
Friday, Jan 29th, 2010 -- Everything seems to be getting more complicated again, especially if your friends are making demands on you that raise your anger. You don't want to be pushed around and are likely to step into the game fighting mad. It's best for others to leave you alone now, unless they are willing to put up with playing according to your rules
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Tuna and crackers
_____________________________________________________________
12:51 am
I swear, I've been peeing every hour.
It's all the water I've been drinking!
Atleast my pee is clear now.. LOL
So I uploaded a couple of random clips and videos on my Youtube!
I didnt think that cleaning out my computer would take so long, theres so many clips of Shadow I think I'll just make a video out of it!
.....
OH MY FUCKING SEMEN STREUDELS!!!
JFIOGRDKSJDFPOKAWDOK0039ROI[W-EOR'FL[ES
;D.S]DFLSDF[PLSDF]A=WFR0OKL3W9RI34KRO['WL3[R;EWFPLWEerf4rup09u3rp9airojwed0wjedkmIJIUHUJHERF
....... 5 minutes later
So my sister gave me this sugar packet with an inspiring artsy quote on it a while ago,
and I pinned it onto my bulliten wall of inspiration.
When Shadow needs to go outside to pee, she hops onto my dresser and claws at the wall aside my door. (Well, in this case, the bulliten board)
While I was typing out this blog, she hopped onto my dresser and hooked the innocent little sugar packet and looked at me.
Before I could even finish yelling her full name, she looks up at the sugar packet and slowly lowers her paw!
Showering her chest in a waterfall of sugar.
I have to vacuum this up tommorow..
Alright I just put her outside!
It's still raining too. ^____^
I should go to sleep.
Goodnight. :]
12:51 am
I swear, I've been peeing every hour.
It's all the water I've been drinking!
Atleast my pee is clear now.. LOL
So I uploaded a couple of random clips and videos on my Youtube!
I didnt think that cleaning out my computer would take so long, theres so many clips of Shadow I think I'll just make a video out of it!
.....
OH MY FUCKING SEMEN STREUDELS!!!
JFIOGRDKSJDFPOKAWDOK0039ROI[W-EOR'FL[ES
;D.S]DFLSDF[PLSDF]A=WFR0OKL3W9RI34KRO['WL3[R;EWFPLWEerf4rup09u3rp9airojwed0wjedkmIJIUHUJHERF
....... 5 minutes later
So my sister gave me this sugar packet with an inspiring artsy quote on it a while ago,
and I pinned it onto my bulliten wall of inspiration.
When Shadow needs to go outside to pee, she hops onto my dresser and claws at the wall aside my door. (Well, in this case, the bulliten board)
While I was typing out this blog, she hopped onto my dresser and hooked the innocent little sugar packet and looked at me.
Before I could even finish yelling her full name, she looks up at the sugar packet and slowly lowers her paw!
Showering her chest in a waterfall of sugar.
I have to vacuum this up tommorow..
Alright I just put her outside!
It's still raining too. ^____^
I should go to sleep.
Goodnight. :]
Monday, January 25, 2010
Sending myself into exile.
Horoscope!
"Tuesday, Jan 26th, 2010 -- You are feeling a new wave of tension rolling in today, but hopefully the carrot that is dangling in front of you is large enough to hold your attention. Resolve petty differences between you and your sweetheart now before they grow into an unapproachable mess. Stop making excuses in the name of love; you have work to do and you better get started."
DAMIT.
I hate you today horoscope, I hate you.
_____________________________________
11:48 PM
Hi.
Pressing my tongue against the roof of my mouth..
And over the tips of my fangs,
I can't help but savor this light painful feeling.
I just recently finished a hot cup of noodles,
and after the first scorching sip, I became numb.
I was careless.
I was hungry!
A few more slurps and I still could feel the burn- but I didn't mind.
I didn't mind because it felt good running down my throat and into my gut.
I was cold and I needed it now.
Before it was too late;
-before my pre dinner gets cold, of course.
....
.....
That was my metaphorical interpretation of how I'm feeling right now btw. burp*
I've had alot on my mind for awhile now..
Twiddling my fingers about my wants and my needs..
Contemplating about goals and time... and people around me..
Sometimes I just feel really lost and out of place.
I feel numb and a little fragile right now, its over whelming.
Right now I'm going through this phase where I really just want to be alone.
I still crave the comfort of others, and as much as I hate depending on people for that, it just feels really "right".
I think that I've toyed and manipulated my feelings so much that I'm somewhat romantically challenged. Or that my mental health is really disoriented..
I start to lose interest in alot of the things that usually make me happy, and I just get really depressed.
It's temporary though. (thank goodness)
But it still scares me.
After alot of practice and painful trials, I've aquired the skill to flip the "off switch" on the heart.
I find myself watching terrible videos of people being killed or tortured, and I won't feel a thing.
It's awful, I know.
It's a really empty feeling and I cant describe it, because even I don't know.
And it goes the same for people. Sometimes I dont really absorb the feelings people have.
I can see it, and know what it is, but I'm usually really confused and I don't know if it's real?
Something happened to me as a child, and you won't fully understand me unless you experience it yourself. I was too young to understand what was happening to me,
And If you were taught to make others happy by doing things that are usually sentimental to people today- All those little things that people cherish so much are much harder for people like me to grasp.
I'm getting off subject, and I should stop,
it's getting really late.
I'm really fucked up, I know.
Sill trying to accept myself..
Trying to take a different approach to this.
..
.....
I just want to be happy that's all.
Goodnight!<3
_1:37 am_______________________________________________
btw, I'm calling you right now. I'm okay now.
Good morning! :]
"Tuesday, Jan 26th, 2010 -- You are feeling a new wave of tension rolling in today, but hopefully the carrot that is dangling in front of you is large enough to hold your attention. Resolve petty differences between you and your sweetheart now before they grow into an unapproachable mess. Stop making excuses in the name of love; you have work to do and you better get started."
DAMIT.
I hate you today horoscope, I hate you.
_____________________________________
11:48 PM
Hi.
Pressing my tongue against the roof of my mouth..
And over the tips of my fangs,
I can't help but savor this light painful feeling.
I just recently finished a hot cup of noodles,
and after the first scorching sip, I became numb.
I was careless.
I was hungry!
A few more slurps and I still could feel the burn- but I didn't mind.
I didn't mind because it felt good running down my throat and into my gut.
I was cold and I needed it now.
Before it was too late;
-before my pre dinner gets cold, of course.
....
.....
That was my metaphorical interpretation of how I'm feeling right now btw. burp*
I've had alot on my mind for awhile now..
Twiddling my fingers about my wants and my needs..
Contemplating about goals and time... and people around me..
Sometimes I just feel really lost and out of place.
I feel numb and a little fragile right now, its over whelming.
Right now I'm going through this phase where I really just want to be alone.
I still crave the comfort of others, and as much as I hate depending on people for that, it just feels really "right".
I think that I've toyed and manipulated my feelings so much that I'm somewhat romantically challenged. Or that my mental health is really disoriented..
I start to lose interest in alot of the things that usually make me happy, and I just get really depressed.
It's temporary though. (thank goodness)
But it still scares me.
After alot of practice and painful trials, I've aquired the skill to flip the "off switch" on the heart.
I find myself watching terrible videos of people being killed or tortured, and I won't feel a thing.
It's awful, I know.
It's a really empty feeling and I cant describe it, because even I don't know.
And it goes the same for people. Sometimes I dont really absorb the feelings people have.
I can see it, and know what it is, but I'm usually really confused and I don't know if it's real?
Something happened to me as a child, and you won't fully understand me unless you experience it yourself. I was too young to understand what was happening to me,
And If you were taught to make others happy by doing things that are usually sentimental to people today- All those little things that people cherish so much are much harder for people like me to grasp.
I'm getting off subject, and I should stop,
it's getting really late.
I'm really fucked up, I know.
Sill trying to accept myself..
Trying to take a different approach to this.
..
.....
I just want to be happy that's all.
Goodnight!<3
_1:37 am_______________________________________________
btw, I'm calling you right now. I'm okay now.
Good morning! :]
Pretty Monday!
Horoscope!
"Monday, Jan 25th, 2010 -- You may be in a playful mood today even if you have a lot of work to do. Thankfully, your lighthearted attitude allows you to overcome obstacles with finesse. Spend some time making plans for an upcoming trip or vacation. It doesn't matter if it's only a night on the town; just having something fun on your calendar will help you to focus on what you have to do right now."
Today I made a self note that I wanted to take myself on a date to the Maui Ocean Center sometime. I havnt been there in years.
I'm really excited to see all the sea animals..
Also, I'm planning on dressing up like a total tourist LOL!
I want to buy me some candies and eat at a restraunt, and pretend I'm giving reviews of the whole place! hahaha
But seriously.
Possibly in 2-3 weeks..
________________________________________________
9:07 am
Good morning!
I woke up really early this morning.. ;]
And I'm cleaning out my computer right now!
Brb?
Breakfast time!
_______________________________________________
10:47 am
Wow.
That was probably one of the most delicious breakfasts I've had for a very long time..
Teriyaki glazed spam, fried egg, potugese sausage, and butter garlic potatoes with melted cheeeeeese!
yum.
A friend told me that I need to start drinking water if I want to gain weight....
So for the past 3 days thats what I've been doing..
Forcing myself to drink this tasteless tummy space consuming liquid....
Lastnight was the first night I've ever finished a WHOLE bottle of water.
LOL I know.
I'm curious to see how my body would react if I start drinking water now.
Also, this whole calorie counting thing.. not working for me
I'll just do all the counting in my head :D
du du du!
still cleaning out this computer.
be back later gators!
______________________________________________________________________
6:48 pm
Is it just me or does drinking water make you more hungry?
Anyways! as soon as my computer is clean, I'm going to start making videos!
I have alot of clips of Shadow, and I dont know what to do with it..
Hopefully by tonight I'll be done!
I'm saving all of these photos and files I have floating around onto photobucket right now.
___________________________________________________________________
"Monday, Jan 25th, 2010 -- You may be in a playful mood today even if you have a lot of work to do. Thankfully, your lighthearted attitude allows you to overcome obstacles with finesse. Spend some time making plans for an upcoming trip or vacation. It doesn't matter if it's only a night on the town; just having something fun on your calendar will help you to focus on what you have to do right now."
Today I made a self note that I wanted to take myself on a date to the Maui Ocean Center sometime. I havnt been there in years.
I'm really excited to see all the sea animals..
Also, I'm planning on dressing up like a total tourist LOL!
I want to buy me some candies and eat at a restraunt, and pretend I'm giving reviews of the whole place! hahaha
But seriously.
Possibly in 2-3 weeks..
________________________________________________
9:07 am
Good morning!
I woke up really early this morning.. ;]
And I'm cleaning out my computer right now!
Brb?
Breakfast time!
_______________________________________________
10:47 am
Wow.
That was probably one of the most delicious breakfasts I've had for a very long time..
Teriyaki glazed spam, fried egg, potugese sausage, and butter garlic potatoes with melted cheeeeeese!
yum.
A friend told me that I need to start drinking water if I want to gain weight....
So for the past 3 days thats what I've been doing..
Forcing myself to drink this tasteless tummy space consuming liquid....
Lastnight was the first night I've ever finished a WHOLE bottle of water.
LOL I know.
I'm curious to see how my body would react if I start drinking water now.
Also, this whole calorie counting thing.. not working for me
I'll just do all the counting in my head :D
du du du!
still cleaning out this computer.
be back later gators!
______________________________________________________________________
6:48 pm
Is it just me or does drinking water make you more hungry?
Anyways! as soon as my computer is clean, I'm going to start making videos!
I have alot of clips of Shadow, and I dont know what to do with it..
Hopefully by tonight I'll be done!
I'm saving all of these photos and files I have floating around onto photobucket right now.
___________________________________________________________________
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Nights are lonely without you.
____________________________________________
9:42 pm
Hi!
Sorry for the late blog, I actually wasn't going to blog today,
but I am because I'm in a good mood right now! ^_^
Well, a little. Hehehe.
I'm here sitting, waiting for my bowl of kimchee noodles to finish cooking..
I put it in my dresser because Shadow was trying to eat it...
Hopefully my panties wont smell like kimchee..
Also, This calorie log thing is getting pretty... tedious.
Especially when your'e eating something that you have to look up calories for..
For example, I just ate two sweet potatoes..
Anyways!
------------------------------------------------------------------
2 cups whole milk - 300 calories
1 can Passion Orange - 140 calories
Teriyaki Yakisoba - 420 calories
Kimchee bowl - 380 calories
2 eggs - 140 calories
2 sweet potatoes - 260 calories
1 cup pineapple chunks - 200 calories
Total Calories- 1,840
DAMIT.
I fail today because I woke up really late, and I want to go to sleep early tonight.:D
It's 10pm now..
And I'm hoping to wake up around 5 or 6 to get an early start! ^_^
My sister is going to pick up some Hershey's Chocolate syrup for my milk too.
Yayyyy chocolate milk!
byebye.
________________________________________________
1:00 am
Fuck man, I can't sleep :[
I just tanked a large cup of chocolate milk, and im going to lie in bed until I fall asleep.
Goodnight<3
9:42 pm
Hi!
Sorry for the late blog, I actually wasn't going to blog today,
but I am because I'm in a good mood right now! ^_^
Well, a little. Hehehe.
I'm here sitting, waiting for my bowl of kimchee noodles to finish cooking..
I put it in my dresser because Shadow was trying to eat it...
Hopefully my panties wont smell like kimchee..
Also, This calorie log thing is getting pretty... tedious.
Especially when your'e eating something that you have to look up calories for..
For example, I just ate two sweet potatoes..
Anyways!
------------------------------------------------------------------
2 cups whole milk - 300 calories
1 can Passion Orange - 140 calories
Teriyaki Yakisoba - 420 calories
Kimchee bowl - 380 calories
2 eggs - 140 calories
2 sweet potatoes - 260 calories
1 cup pineapple chunks - 200 calories
Total Calories- 1,840
DAMIT.
I fail today because I woke up really late, and I want to go to sleep early tonight.:D
It's 10pm now..
And I'm hoping to wake up around 5 or 6 to get an early start! ^_^
My sister is going to pick up some Hershey's Chocolate syrup for my milk too.
Yayyyy chocolate milk!
byebye.
________________________________________________
1:00 am
Fuck man, I can't sleep :[
I just tanked a large cup of chocolate milk, and im going to lie in bed until I fall asleep.
Goodnight<3
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